Page 59 of When Night Falls

21

treat me like a queen

Lucynda

October 17th – 2 days until the wedding

After getting back from the dress appointment, I went straight to my room and crashed. I don't know why doing one little thing tore my energy down, but my nerves were shot. I guess I can only pretend to be a badass for so long before I realize I'm way in over my head. That and my emotions are all over the place, but what's new? But since waking up, the adrenaline has since dissipated and now I don't know if I’ll be able to find that courage I was feeling earlier.

I don't regret the black dress; it's a power move and I am desperate to show him that I won't be tossed around after all he's done to introduce me to this life. And I still imagine the wayRivian will look at me when he sees me walk down the aisle. He could be angry or enthralled but either way, I will be satisfied.

I'm about to be a married woman. I'm going to become a vampire. And I can act like none of that phases me, but the truth is . . . I'm fucking scared. So maybe part of my need to play this trouble-maker mentality and to show Rivian that I am not some sad little girl is due to that.

Sometimes, I think I do feel it. The tether. It's why I can't decide if I want to hate him or if I justwanthim.

I laid in bed for a few hours going over all my thoughts as normal. I hate that my emotions are contradicting and that I can’t seem to focus on wanting one thing. But Natasha came in to change out my sheets, take my dirty laundry and brought me some breakfast which allowed me to take my mind off the impulsive need to overthink everything.

After Natasha leaves, I decide that I want to go find my fiancé since it's been a little over a day since I've seen him and part of me wonders where he hides when he doesn't want to be found.

I head for my closest to throw on a simple black dress before heading to brush my teeth and fix my hair. Once I’ve got myself put together, I leave the room, stepping out into the hallway to see Kacian.

"Not you again," I say somberly but with an undertone of sarcasm. I want so desperately to see him smile, just a little bit. I’ll make it my life’s mission if I have to.

"Can I help you find something, Miss Claire?" His tone is unwavering yet polite as he talks to me.

"Can you call me Lucynda, please?" I ask.

"No can do." His posture stays statue-like, dressed in a black suit, the same as always.

"Well then can you tell me where Rivian is?"

"I can't do that either."

"You're joking, right?" I grow tired of his monotoned answers as I lean against the doorframe. Why wouldn’t he be able to lead me to my future husband?

"Hardly."

"I want to see him, Kacian." This time I speak with a little more demand.

"He's busy, Miss Claire." This time he looks at me when he talks and something dark flicks through his eyes. Good, at least I know there's life in him.

"Look at me. Do you see this?" I swirl my index finger in front of my face, circling my features. "This is the look I make when I don't actually care. Take me to him." I put my foot down, literally and he seems to subject himself to my request.

"Very well."

"Thank you, Kacian." I smile at him and follow behind as he leads the way.

I think about how I'm going to lead today's conversation. The goal is to get answers. I want to see if we can make this work. After yesterday, I was on a high and I couldn't wait to be defiant to Rivian. But today, I want to really take the opportunity and make the most out of it. One last try to see if we can't do this amicably. And if he knows what's good for him, he'll accept.

We get downstairs and Kacian walks me down another hall until we get to Rivian’s office.

I knock my knuckles against the wood of the frame of his open office doors, satisfaction bubbling in my chest when I see that he’s here. "Can I talk to you?" I ask, waiting for him to let me in.

Rivian is seated at his desk, going through some kind of paperwork, and doesn't even look up at me when he answers.

"Now is not a good time. I have a meeting to prepare for." Disappointment washes over me. I'm a foolish girl for thinking that he would be willing to give me a moment of hisprecioustime.

I look over at Kacian and give him a glare that signals him to give us space. While he looks at me hesitantly, he listens.