Page 67 of When Night Falls
I already know where my little sin is. I can smell her from here. Sweet nectar with roses and body wash. Or maybe that's the scent that still lingers on me because I can still feel her on my skin.
I wish I would have made her come. I wish I would have taken what I know to be rightfully mine. She looked so beautiful bent over my desk like that. Jesus, just recalling the image of her squirming under me has me so fucking hard as I walk toward the back of the mansion where I know I'll find her outside by the cliffs.
I exit through the back doors and walk into the fresh crisp air; fall is heavy in my lungs as I breathe in the October evening before me. Just as I thought, Lucynda is sitting at one of the gazebos near the edge of the cliff. The sun is setting beyond the horizon of the waters as the waves crash against the rocks below and the moon hangs majestically in the sky.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" I say as I approach her by her side.
She's since changed out of her dress from earlier, now dressed in a pair of leggings and an oversized T-shirt. Still, the allure in her is not lost. Her hair is pinned back into the infamous braid I've grown to love, and her eyes shine in the moonlight against the midnight sky.
"I never imagined it to look this ethereal up close." Her words are laced with wonderment.
As I stand next to where she sits, I can hear her soft breaths escape her lips, slightly parted as she focuses in the distance.
I've watched her for long enough to know that all she's ever wanted was to see the world for all the charm it holds and to feel the draw of magic it has to offer. To escape her mind and travel to places where she can feel again. Maybe I should have led with that argument as opposed to selling her this idea of revenge. But I know that no matter how much beauty the world has to offer, she's not so oblivious to the darkness that creeps in the shadows of those elusive, alluring wonders.
Sheis the perfect example of that.
"What are we, Rivian?" Her sweet voice breaks the moment of peace. There's pain cemented in her voice, and I will admit that it kind of affects me.
"It's complicated," I tell her, knowing that I can't tell her the real reason I've been so up and down with her. How I desperately need to feel her satisfaction in any way I can but at the same time, I can't actually allow myself the luxury because when she finds out why I've really brought her here, she'll hate me more than she promises to love me. I'm sure of it.
I did what I had to two years ago when I found her, because something called to me to save her. I didn't expect that night to lay out the map to my revenge. I didn't expect for her to be pinned to me as myanima vinculum. I can't help that I want to use her for my retribution but also let her know how fucking obsessed I'd become with her after all this time.
Lucynda looks away from the night sky for a moment and messes with the hem of her shirt. I can't be bothered to be the only person to take responsibility for my contradicting actions though. She has also displayed two different ideas of who she is and what she wants out of this.
I know she craves the same thing I want. Finding solace in knowing that her justices have been fulfilled and thather enemies have been condemned. But I’m not oblivious to her thoughts of otherworldly sacred ideas that our heart can commingle in dances of love.
"Why don't we uncomplicate it then, Rivian?" She turns her head to look up at me and I almost turn away, but I allow her eyes to stare into mine.
"Look, I don't want us to fight or be in this war with each other. I don't even really know why it would be that way to begin with. I get it. You're The Dark Prince, whatever that means. But if I am going to be your queen, I think I ought to be given a chance to do just that. But if you truthfully don't want us to be in a relationship, like a traditional husband and wife relationship, then I'm putting my foot down on the touches and kisses and…" She moves her head to look back at the water. "And I can’t allow you to feed on me.” I can see confliction bury itself in her head, I feel it too as I study her.
“But I won't deny that I might become jealous," she admits and that idea stirs deliciously satisfying thoughts in my head as well. “I chose to be here, maybe for my own selfish reasons but regardless, if I can be honest, I am actually kind of scared.” She closes her eyes for a beat, allowing herself to revel in her confession, showing me the vulnerability that I crave in all of her darkness. “I'm scared of what this all means for me, and I don't think that you should be scolding me or leaving me on cryptic one-liners or just straight up ignoring me all the time."
Her words spill from her perfect lips like a velvet-wrapped lava. Soft in some places yet fiery in others. I'm not the only one battling the line of right and wrong here. But hers is more black and white than mine. Her line is split between fighting her attraction for me and holding anger against my throat. Mine is similar but it goes deeper than any one person would be able to understand.
But she's right. I can't be creating this pointless war between us, especially with what's going on outside of the Society walls. All at the cost of me fighting myself to not let her get under my skin, when all I fucking want is to get under hers.
"You're right," I tell her. Opting to not touch all the topics she listed but giving her the simplest version of the answer I know she's wanting.
"I am?" She seems surprised at my admission, her brows lifting and her mouth doing the cutest little half smirk.
I walk closer to where she sits and watch her wince in nervousness as I sit next to her on the bench.
"Do I scare you?" I ask her, using my fingers to brush loose stands of her ice-colored hair away from her cheek.
She closes her eyes again, her lashes feather against the soft constellation of freckles that scatter her cheeks.
"I'm not sure," she admits.
"Do you trust me?" I run my finger down her cheek and across the healed-over scar on her skin.
"I want to." Her words are hushed, making sure that they are only for my ears only.
"What do you want me to teach you?" I ask her as I drop my hand from her face. I want to keep touching her, the feeling so gratifying that it's hard to force myself to stop.
She opens her eyes, finding eye contact with me.
"Something. Anything," she says.