Page 265 of The Grand Duel
“Let me explain properly.”
“I want to be on my own.” I cover my mouth as I run up the stairs, my face wet with tears. “Please just leave me alone.”
Charlie
I trudge through the grassy area on the opposite end of the driveway, my eyes scanning the ground as I try to locate the keys.
The chances of finding them are slim to none because I’m not even really looking. But sitting on the front porch contemplating how much time Lissie might need to herself before I find a way for her to forgive me, knowing it’ll probably be infinite, seemed like the perfect way to drive myself senseless.
The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt her. It’s the one thing I swore I wouldn’t do—and that was before I knew what she’s been through.
She doesn’t deserve this.
She doesn’t deserve it, and yet I’ve somehow driven the knife that much deeper by trying to shield her from it.
I’ve stood up and told my friends what absolute idiots they are for making certain decisions in their relationships, cold calculations and reckless judgement, and yet here I am, wondering at the depths of my selfishness.
How much longer I’ll let this go on.
How much longer I’ll watch her wilt.
I’m not sure who I’d be without her—not anymore. But the person she is because of the man I am today isn’t someone I’ve loved like I promised I would.
And how fucking dare I treat her that way.
Who amIto hurther?
I tip my head back and look up through the trees.
Selfish. That’s who I am. What I embody in this moment. Because as I cross the drive and walk towards my home, our home, I know only two things. One: Lissie Elton would be happier without me right now. And two: I’d never survive the reality of that fact.
So, I’ll beg and pray and fight—I’ll fight for us.
When I push open the front door, I find her rounding the bottom of the stairs. Her eyes are red and puffy despite the obvious effort she’s made to cover them.
I can’t help but stare at her, every inch of my body achingly aware of her pain.
When her eyes gloss over, I contemplate stepping forward to hug her. The fact I don’t know if it’s what she wants hurts more than I can put into words.
“I’ll put this right, Lis. I promise.”
Her eyes dart around my face, the composure laced in her stare not something I knew could be possessed. Not with the way they tore through me only an hour ago. Not with the way she broke in my arms.
“I promise, Lissie. I’ll?—”
“Hello!”
Lissie dips her head, quickly rounding the stairs and walking off to the kitchen.
I turn and look down at Nina as she ushers Ellis into the house, Mason trailing in behind them with Ave in his arms.
I swallow and clear my throat. “Hi.”
“Auntie Scarlet saved a life today!”
I force a smile and duck down to Ellis’s height, taking off his jacket. “Auntie Scarlet is a superhero, that’s why.”
My insides feel like they’re melting away, the way I could simply run a million miles from myself making my skin burn.