Page 269 of The Grand Duel

But right now, I’m messing up the one good thing I’ve ever known.

You deserve a man who can offer his life to you, be that as a father or simply a man, and right now, for the next six weeks, I don’t possess that.

The house is yours.

The dogs wouldn’t know themselves without you.

If you never choose to forgive me, Lissie girl, know that you changed me in ways I never knew possible, and I’ll forever be thankful to you for that. You made me a better man and a happier one. And if you do choose to forgive me when it’s time, know that I’m terrified. Know that I’m writing this utterly terrified of the man who may come back to you.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be what you deserve, but I will always come home.

Then. Now. Tomorrow.

Forever.

FORTY-NINE

Lissie

Ilie in our bed watching the rain lash against the window, my pillow becoming saturated beneath my cheek as another tear rolls over the bridge of my nose and drips onto the fabric.

He left me.

He waited until his friends had gone, put me to bed, and left.

After weeks of trying to be what he needed, I cracked, and because of that, he left.

I knew I was too much.

I learnt from a young age what showing too much emotion can do to a relationship, and the anger I originally felt when I woke up to an empty bed this morning is now directed solely at myself.

Because I know better than to give so much to one person.

And I gave Charlie Aldridge everything I had.

I didn’t just exist. I existed for him.

I sniffle, my nose blocked from the onslaught of emotions I’ve felt in the past twelve hours. Luna groans and crawls up the bed, resting her head on my arm.

How can he leave them?

How can he tell me to stay here in his home and leave the dogs?

Where has he gone?

Where will he live for the next six weeks?

Tears begin to fall again, and I pull back the covers, needing to feed the dogs. I pull on my oversized cardigan and make my way downstairs.

He said he’ll come home once Emily has had the baby. Once he knows if it’s his.

What kind of woman would I be if I stayed and waited for him?

If I let him have me againafterthe storm passes?

Am I not worth weathering?

Was there nothing important enough to stay for?