Page 1 of Naughty Elf: Merry

Chapter 1

Merry

It’s not me, it’s you.

I tossed the phone aside and groaned. How many times had I heard that or something similar? Too many to count.

I’d been matched to that reindeer shifter by a matchmaker. Waste of money. I stomped around my small Christmas Village quarters, wondering if I was destined to be alone.

Collapsing on the bed, I put both hands beneath my head and counted my love life failures. There were so many, I couldn’t remember them all. But what love life? There was a life but no love. I hadn’t come close to a tongue shoved down my throat or a fondle. Hadn’t even whipped my shirt off.

Everyone in the village was mated, or that was how it appeared when I longed to have a mate. And worst of all, I had few people to confide in. Many of my elf friends had vanished, and rumor had it that they’d been so naughty, they’d been whisked off to another realm to find their mate.

That didn’t make sense. On the one hand they were bad, and that resulted in their happy ever after? I leaned my head on thewindow wishing I knew the secret code to unlock; the one that rewarded me with a mate.

I wished I could speak to Sparkle, but he’d disappeared a while ago. The disappearance of our friends freaked out the other elves and they were on their best behavior.

But that was boring. Where were the jokes, tricks, pranks, and mischief?

I sighed and paced the room.

Think, Merry, think.

I was nothing like my name. While I’d never admit it, I hated the greeting Merry Christmas. For an elf who lived to prank people, I cringed when they joked about me bringing the Merry to Christmas. I was anything but merry during the holiday season. My folks should have named me Fiasco or Foiled.

It was almost time for my shift, and I put on my elf costume and the hat with the tinkling bell. The hours passed slowly, and I plodded through my tasks, with my elf co-workers often having to repeat instructions because my mind was elsewhere.

“You don’t want Santa #1 to notice you’re slacking, Merry,” Nym whispered. “Think of the fate of our elf friends who are no longer with us.”

Being whisked away to meet your mate sounded pretty good. Rumor had it that the downside was you turned into a figurine until you mated. Hey, I could do with a rest until my fated found me.

“That’s it!”

My elf colleagues hissed at me to be quiet. They used to be full of fun and mischief, but the fear of becoming a figurine tamped down their joy for life.

The workday crawled to a halt, and I ignored my friends asking if I wanted to play cards after dinner. I had tricks to plan.

That was my out! Not that I didn’t love my job. I did. I was the luckiest elf ever to work in Christmas Village. And while some elves were happy being unmated, relying on family, friends, and colleagues to round out their lives, that wasn’t me

I yearned for my other half, and I had stumbled onto a foolproof way to find them; play enough pranks to get me tossed out and zinging through the universe to my happy ever after.

Sitting up late into the night, I planned a series of tricks before packing my belongings. My friends had vanished, leaving everything behind, but they weren’t prepared for banishment. Or as I called it, welcoming.

Everything that was dear to me fit into one small bag, and I slung it over my shoulder and prepared for my first trick. It couldn’t involve just the elves because they’d keep their mouths shut, fearing the worst. So, I had to prank the reindeer shifters, gnomes, and most of all, the Santas.

Standing at the entrance to the village, I handed out the peppermint canes I’d made.

“Thanks, Merry. Your canes are the best.”

“Yum. I finished my stash last night.’

“How kind of you, Merry. I do love a good cane.”

Some of the village residents and workers tucked their cane away for later. Damn! I couldn’t appear too eager for them to take a lick, or better, a bite, because they’d sense something was up.

But a group of reindeer shifters who’d been working the night shift shuffled along the path yawning. They took the candy canes I offered, and in tandem, they bit into their treats.

“Ewww!”