Page 16 of Alamort
The moon is a beacon, calling to me. I stay seated in the water until my lungs protest for air. The burning pushes me forward. I break the surface, letting out a loud whoop of victory. Then dissolving into uncontrollable laughter of the fear I didn’t realize I had. I’m met with Addi’s responding laughter as she drags me back up the rocky slope of the cliff. She takes a picture of us, pure joy and happiness. Unburdened, unlike she was moments ago.
My breathing comes out in rapid, shallow pants. My face is numb, and I’m on my knees, rocking back and forth. Telling myself to breathe as if I’m not already trying to. Addison’s face the day I dropped her off is burnt into my mind. My fast-pacedbreathing turns into choking sobs. I can’t think straight. The ache in my chest feels as open as it was the day it happened. A gaping wound that never healed. It hurts. It fucking hurts to think of her.
This is a sick joke. I don’t know who knows about my sister, or why they would think this is funny. My anger quickly takes over my sadness with the cruelty of someone who clearly knows no loss. I sneer at the card and shove it in the drawer of my nightstand. I’ll figure it out, and when I do… I’ll decide then. It’s better not to act in the heat of the moment. But that’s all I have. If not anger, then sadness. Maybe I’m overreacting and River went through my things. I’ll ask her and until then I’ll busy myself by unpacking my room a little more. River will be ready soon. Before I unpack, I pull out my phone and start my daily undelivered text to my sister.
Amentalio. That will be our word for the day. It’s the sadness of the realization that you’re forgetting memories of someone who’s no longer here. The days pass and I’m fighting myself to remember the sound of your laugh. Was it high pitched? A cackle like a witch? Did it always reach your eyes?
I’m scared Addi. I’m scared to forget you, your voice. Pictures and a couple videos aren’t the same as having you. I’d give anything to switch you places. I pinky promise with a kiss to seal it. On a lighter note. The Dean is probably a pervert. Mom and Dad sent me to a place filled with criminals. There are weird ass cliques here. Oh! The “Brr’s” I feel like you’d have fun with them. One is definitely a “Leticia”. I met a girl named River… you’d like her. She reminds me of you, some of the things she does.
As usual, Iloveyou and miss you. -Your Firefly
I smile at the text she’ll never get and pretend she’s busy doing something. Probably not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it works.
My hands rest on my hips, thinking of where to start first. Probably look for a hiding place for my contraband that the headmaster warned me about. I walk into the closet, looking at what I have to work with. It’s a pretty large closet for a school, not the normal cupboards I’ve seen in movies.
Gathering a few of my clothes and place them on all black hangers. The corner of the closet houses a built-in safe box. It doesn’t seem unusual for an upper-class room. I put in the universal code 0000 and it opens! The space is about the size of the ones I’ve seen in hotels before, completely bare. I wouldn’t leave anything in here. Everyone must know about the placement of it. It would be stupid to think otherwise and leave something important.
An idea pops into my head as I skip to the desk with the school handbook that’s as thick as the Bible itself. Skimmingover the “Welcome!” Part of it to rip the paper out. Digging through the sleek organized drawers, I find a black permanent. Perfect for my current task and draw a terrible middle finger to secure in my little vault. I wince at the rough, rough drawing. I’m going for knowing what the drawing is, not an art exhibit.
Dashing back over to my side project, because who doesn’t get distracted while doing something else entirely? I leave the lovely drawing in the middle and set the code. A smug smirk pulls on the corner of my lips. 0713. Addison’s birthday, my little Cancer baby. Then resume my task of hanging clothes. Four white hangers. All for her clothes. She always used the white hangers and I, the black. It’s fitting to use the same color scheme as we did before. Some things just make sense.
After I’m finally finished, I plop down with a whoosh of breath, feeling accomplished. I glare at the handbook. I need to read it. Throwing my head back, I let out a loud groan mixed with an “ohmifuckinggod”. This is going to be such bullshit.
Flipping open past the ripped page. Oh! And look at that! The first line states, “We respect all student’s privacy and therefore expect each student to respect each other’s.” Right, because my things were searched before they were taken to my room.
Stressed Out - twenty one pilots
Thud.I wait for the sticky blue ball to peel itself slowly away from the ceiling before gravity claims it back into my hands. A troubled feeling settles over me. I’m not sure if it’s from trying to figure out what’s going on with Brian or the fact I’m getting stuck in my past.
I’m aware of what Mal has been through. Whatwe’vebeen through, I guess. It’s more like watching a movie clip of something where I am the main character in a situation that’s neveractuallyoccurred to me. But still carry the hurt and anger of it happening to someone I love and care about. Damn, my father did a number on him.
Thud.I lift my head up to stare at the computer screen across the room, making sure the software downloads to mirror the phone on a second device so we can see what she’s doing at all times. That’s my goal tonight. Install a tracking device I created to keep tabs on her, hear any and all phone calls she has in real time.
The guys say she’s ours now… but I think Malice takes it more literally. A possession he owns.
They’re all worried about me, because they think I’m soft. I keep all the ‘good’ parts about me by seeming more optimistic. But it’s Malice who we should be worried about. He tends to get unhealthy attachments to his possessions. It’s been a while since he’s had a new obsession, and I think she may be the beginning of his based on our conversations. His last one was a punishment, and she paid the price because of his infatuation. I run my tongue over the silver hooped snake bites that Malice thought would be a good idea to get. Along with a shit ton of tattoos.
“Fuck!” The ball hits me in the face. I growl as I get up. My feet tangle in the blankets at the end of my bed, causing me to land face first into the rug. “Goddamn it!” I complain as I lay there with my face stuffed into the floor, arms sprawled out. I can’t. I give up.
At that moment, Crew opens the door to check on me before slowly blinking and shutting the door quietly behind him.
Lifting my head, I yell, “Yes! I’m fine! Thank you, Father Dearest! I’ll just lay here anddie!” His low chuckle in the hallway is my only sign he heard me. Letting out a loud dramatic sigh, since no one is here to see me be a diva. I should probably get ready for the night. The freshmen downstairs are setting up for later. Someone will lock all the upstairs doors to prevent unwanted sexcapades from moving into our personal rooms. Most of the time, these parties begin with alcohol and drugs and progress to orgies everywhere. If not, then couples sneaking off into the trees to fuck like rabbits.
Every year, to start off, we have a party the day before class begins since it’s a late start. More “Party at your own risk” because if they don’t make it to class, it’s their own problem.
Kicking off my blankets, I head to my computer to put on my “BDE” playlist to hype myself up for the night. Having to become easygoing to satisfy the masses wasn’t as ‘easy’ as theword implies. No one else could take on the role. Ben is too much of a playboy, wants to fuck everything that moves. Never underestimate a scorned woman.
Mal is too intense and doesn’t play well with others. If anyone looks at him wrong, he thinks it’s a threat and I mean that literally. He’s also better off not discovered. That leaves Crew, a hard ass, control freak that a simple smile could crack his face.
Every year Bennett throws a ‘back to school’ party. The past couple of years it’s been to mourn the end of summer. Tonight is about the upper classmen having fun and letting loose. A time to integrate the freshmen into the school. Let’s hope tonight goes smoothly. Well… not too smoothly. The freshmen are in for a shitty night. I smile.
Happy Ending – Bailey Spinn
Blinking at my reflection, I flick my gaze to River behind me. She looks pleased with the outfit she chose for me from her closet.
The little bit of things I brought are… normal clothes. Jeans, sweats, hoodies and t-shirts. I’ve worn expensive clothing, handpicked by my mom’s designers, so the rare times I’m out in public I look ‘presentable’. This? This would not pass her inspection.
“River…” I’m ready to let her know I can’t go out like this, that this is unacceptable. The dress is a black long sleeve mini dress. The material is sheer but thicker where it comes to a sharp V that reaches the top of my belly button. My thighs look chunky because they’re touching. My boobs are noticeably too small. And is that a pouch I see on my belly? I frown again at my reflection, then look at her while my insecurities thicken in my throat. My eyes sting with the countless flaws staring back at me. If I can see them, everyone can see them.