Page 51 of One More Chance
Harper
I hadsex with Jensen last night. Correction. I had a lot of sex with Jensen last night. After dozing off the first time, I woke him up two more times throughout the night to go again.
Now, as I lie here in his bed, very awake and very aware of all the reasons that was a terrible idea, panic settles in.
What now?
Do I shake his hand and say thanks? Smack him on the ass and tell him good game? What do people do after they hook up? Awesome predicament, Harper. Totally awesome.
Jensen stirs beside me, his arm tightening its grip over my middle. Shit. Don’t wake up. Not yet. I’m not ready. I don’t have a plan.
“Good morning,” he whispers.
“Oh hey, good morning,” I reply, feigning a sleepiness in my voice, attempting to disguise the fact that I’ve been awake for probably the last forty-five minutes.
“Hell of a night, huh?” he says.
“Uh, yeah,” I say, unsure if he’s referring to us or the parties.
As he starts to laugh, I’m even more unsure. “Certainly didn’t think I’d be waking up next to you,” he says.
“Oh, sorry. Should I have left?”
Jensen laughs again, and I clearly have no idea what’s going on.
“No, silly. I just mean it’s nice,” he says, nuzzling his face into my neck.
Weird. Really weird, actually. I sit up and break his grip around me, searching for my pants. “Oh, yeah. It was nice.”
Jensen recoils, his brow wrinkling. “Wait, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean where are you going?” he asks.
“I’m leaving. Gotta get home and shower and change.”
“Oh. Okay.” He exhales, dropping his hand to the mattress in an exasperated manner.
“What? I have to meet Lyla later and then Steve after that. I assume people leave after they hook up. Not that I know for sure because I’ve never done it but that’s what everyone does in movies.”
“Wow, okay, Harper. I got it,” he says, his jaw tightening.
Fuck. I did this wrong. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good,” he says.
I dress in silence, neither of us saying anything else. Jensen doesn’t move from the bed. I attempt to tell him I’ll see him later, that I’ll text him, but he’s short, only giving me one-word answers.
I slink out of the room, unsure what I’ve done to warrant such a response. We hooked up; I left. That’s the deal, right? We have to keep everything outside of the bedroom as normal as possible, anyway. The way it’s always been. That’s the system as far as I can tell. Maybe I should ask my sister later when I meet with her. Right now, I’ve got to get a shower and find some coffee pronto.
As I walk back to the house, I try hard to examine my own emotions. What is this I’m feeling? I’m relieved not to be feeling shame. Far too much of that goes around for enjoying sex. It feels more like worry, but I can’t understand why. Why am I worried? And about what? The worry seems to be knotted up along with dread and a whole mess of other stuff on the spectrum, but none of that seems to be connected directly to actually having sex.
The sex was amazing. Sex with Jensen was incredible. Far superior to anything I’d experienced with Charles. I can’t begin to explain or describe the differences adequately. The way Jensen navigated my body was nothing short of wizardry.
As I ascend the porch, thoughts of Jensen’s hands last night still clouding my mind, Lyla steps out from the kitchen.
“Hey there, sis,” she says, a wide smile across her face.