Page 91 of One More Chance
Harper
My eyes blinkthree times in rapid succession as I take in what Jensen’s just said, just asked. Is he serious? Maybe I heard him wrong.
I would ask him to repeat himself but I already said “what?” once and saying it again won’t change it.
He said what he said.
“You’re serious?” I manage to say, as he stares straight into my fucking soul.
“Of course I am,” he says, like what he’s just proposed is as normal as getting breakfast at the diner down the street. “You can take photos, explore, we can explore together.”
He must read the hesitation on my face because he continues on.
“You can see so many places. And if you need to go back and visit family, or aren’t interested in the city I’m headed to, you can fly back and visit the farm and meet me in the next city. Just think about how amazing that could be for you. And us. We could be together.”
His speech shocks me silent as I take in all that he’s saying, the conviction in his tone. He’s definitely serious.
“Are you crazy?” I blurt. It’s in the air between us before I can snatch it back. No turning back now. “That plan, it’s crazy. It’s too soon for that kind of commitment. We’ve known each other for like a month, not even.” I can hear the panic in my own voice.
“I’m not asking for a commitment. Well, I guess I am, but Christ, I’m not proposing. We just date, but also you can travel with me. You’re not locked into anything.”
I’m pacing his room now as he sits on the edge of the bed, calmly pleading. “I don’t know, I don’t know. My divorce is barely final. I can’t just hop from it, straight to you, to such a big thing. This was just supposed to be a little fun.”
“I get that. But I think you know we passed ‘just fun’ a little while ago, and we’re teetering right on the edge of more.” His words come out hard as stone. He’s not playing around. All lighthearted fun, all playfulness, is gone from him.
Between his tone and pleading hopefulness in his eyes, I am struck silent all over again. I don’t know what to say, so I tell him exactly that.
He exhales long and hard. “People only say they don’t know what to say when they want to say no,” he says, his words clipped.
“I don’t. I just…” I pause, collecting my thoughts. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea. It’ll never work.”
“Why not? Why won’t it work?” he asks.
“Because,” I fumble. “Because we’ll get tired of each other, or you’ll get tired of me being around all the time. Or you’ll want space. And then what? You hand me a plane ticket and send me on my way?” My voice is high, unforgiving. I sound as panicked as I feel, but Jensen doesn’t react in anger.
He lets out a gentle sigh and I almost detect disappointment. “Is that really what you think of me?” he asks, sounding wounded. “Harper, I’m not your ex-husband. I’m not that guy. I don’t throw people away like that. And I would never, under any circumstances, throw you away like he did.”
“Right. I bet all men say that at first.” I fold my arms across my chest. I’ve stopped pacing and now, I’m just staring at him.
“What would you know about men? You’ve experienced one kind of man. Hell, one man in your whole life,” he says, his words biting and hard.
“How dare you,” I say. “How fucking dare you.”
“Harper, I love you,” he says. “Are you listening? I fucking love you. I’m in love with you.”
“Stop saying that!” I yell, surprising both of us.
“I can’t. It’s the truth,” he says.
“Well, you know what, Jensen? I didn’t ask for that. I said I was ready to date, ready to kiss another man, ready to fuck another man. But I never said I was ready for love, or even wanted it.”
“You’re just scared,” he says. “You’re scared of what we could be.”
“No, I’m protecting myself.”
“Harper.” He sighs. “You can try that all you want. You can push people away because you got hurt. But you deserve to be loved, really loved. You deserve one more chance at that. And if that chance doesn’t work out, you have another after that. And another. Because life isn’t about avoiding love, avoiding connection. It’s about finding the right love, the right connection.”
“And you think you’re that connection?”