Page 49 of The Quirky Vet

"No. Unfortunately," Mum answers, and she actually looks like she's sad about it.

"We could always give it a go," Dad says with a nonchalant shrug, like he's thinking out loud about taking up tennis or giving poker a try.

"What about you two?" Mum asks, holding her hand out, the sun catching on her Pride-coloured nails.

"We are not having this conversation," I say, shutting it down before it does some irreparable damage. I may be almost thirty,but there is never an age when it's okay to talk about BDSM with your parents. That's a hill I'm ready to die on.

"Ooh, there's Gerald and Esma," Mum says, waving to her friends. "Let's go say hi."

Before they leave, Dad leans in and whispers in my ear, "Sorry for interrupting. You look great, by the way. And if you were wondering, you got your arse genes from me."

I shudder at the compliment, then shudder again when they walk away.

Muir watches them leave, too, and his jaw drops. "Oh. So they're wearingasslessleather underwear. That's a…that's a choice."

"I need bleach for my eyes."

"I don't think you'll ever be able to unsee that. Though I have to say, your dad's butt is pretty fucking sublime."

"I hate my family."

"I love your family. Let's get some booze." As we saunter off in search of some numbing agent, Muir asks, "Your mini freak-out when your mum asked you about BDSM, was that because she was asking, or are you anti it in general?"

The question catches me a little off guard. We grab a couple of beers and continue sauntering near the food trucks on the lookout for our friends.

"I wouldn't say I'm anti it," I say. "I've just never given it much thought."

Muir takes a sip of his beer. "Oh. Okay."

"Why? Have you?"

"Not really." He clears his throat. "Maybe a little. Actually, no. Wait. Not BDSM stuff, per se, but other stuff."

"Like what?"

"Uh, butt stuff."

"Oh. Right."

It's funny. Muir and I have always told each other everything, but when it comes to sex, we've just stuck to the high-level details. We've told each other when we've had it and talked about what itwas like in broad terms, but we've never gotten into any specifics, mainly out of respect for our partner's privacy, I guess.

But we're both single now—if you ignore our current marriage status—and he is bringing the topic up, which is Muir code forthis is something I want to talk about, but you're going to have to ask me questions since I ain't offering shit up freely.

We find a quiet spot under a tree a little way away from the main food area. "Have you ever tried anything? Butt-stuff-wise?"

His cheeks go a little redder as he brings his bottle to his lips. He takes a swig and swishes the beer around in his mouth for a bit before answering, "Remember when Wilby was my secret Santa two years ago and he bought me a dildo?"

"Yes, I remember Wilby was your secret Santa, but how the fuck have I forgotten he got you a dildo?"

"You probably blocked it from your memory." Muir chuckles. "Anyway, I, uh, you know. Tried it."

"And?"

Another sip, some more swishing.

"And I liked it."

"Cool."