Page 13 of Filthy

“Hattie wait.”

“Wait?” she whispered in pure anger. “Wait? What do you want me to wait for Nix? Another excuse, another reason cheating is okay. This is worse than before because this time youmade me the other woman. How could you do this to me? To her? Fuck you.”

She turned and headed to my brother’s room, locking the door behind her. She had it all wrong. I wasn’t dating Phoenix; I wasn’t dating anyone. I stood at the door and knocked quietly, trying not to wake up my entire family.

“Hattie, please open up. Let me explain.”

There was nothing. I could hear her sniffling on the other side of the door, but it was clear she wasn’t going to let me in.

“Phoenix isn’t my girlfriend. We work together, that’s it.”

“Even better.” She said, “Was she the one you were sleeping with when we were together too?”

Anger rose within me at a record speed. Constantly being accused of doing something I didn’t do was exhausting. “You know what, Hattie, forget it. Forget all of it. If that’s what you want to believe, then go ahead. Believe I cheated on you, believe I’m with someone else while making love to you, believe all of it because no matter what I do, I can’t convince you otherwise.”

I could hear her gasp, and then her struggling for breath as the tears broke free. Something inside of me wanted to break down the fucking door and shake some sense into her, but the part of me that spent my whole life trying to show her she was loved couldn’t do it. I stepped, walked down the hallway, and closed my bedroom door behind me.

The next morning, I was exhausted and pissed off. Not at Hattie. No, those feelings faded quickly, just like they used to. I was pissed at myself for not fighting for her. I knew what her past consisted of and I knew how hard it was for her to trust. I may have ruined everything last night, and I wasn’t even sure what that everything was. My plans to have her stay were selfish, but as I laid in bed, holding her, my mind ran through a million scenarios where maybe, just maybe, we could make it work. Itwould take time and therapy, but I was willing to do all of it for her. Then Phoenix called and all our old issues came to a head. Instead of fighting, I walked away, but today I’d change that. She needed to know I never stopped loving her and I would fight for our future.

“Morning.” I said as I drug my ass over to the coffee pot.

“Are you okay, Nicholas?”

“Yeah, Ma. I just didn’t sleep well.”

“Hattie left this for you on the counter.”

“What?” I looked up at my mother and found her holding an envelope in her hand with Hattie’s handwriting on it. I opened it and my heart dropped as I read it.

Nix,

I’m sorry it’s come to this again. This constant repetitive behavior we have with each other isn’t healthy for either of us. I know I’m usually the one to blame, and I know you deserve more than I can give you. Thank you for the weekend with your family. It was one of the best Christmas’s I’ve had in years. I’m heading home and back to the life I built in New York City. A life without you. I wish you nothing but happiness in the future.

-Hattie

“I need to go.”

“Go where?”

“I need to find Hattie. Did she say what time her flight was leaving?”

“No, honey, this was on the counter when I came down this morning.”

“Okay, love you mom.” I placed a kiss on my mom’s cheek and grabbed the keys for her van. “I’ll bring this back when I find her.”

My mom nodded, and I nearly busted my ass as I made my way down the icy steps. Once behind the wheel of the car, I had no idea where to start. We lived in a small town and she would have to drive into Rochester to catch a flight, but there were only a couple of flights to New York City each day. I pulled up my phone and the first one wasn’t until noon. I turned the car on and drove to the nursing home. Maybe with any luck, she went to see her mom before heading that way.

I got there in record time. When I got to the front, I went to sign in and on the line above me was Hattie’s name. My heart finally stopped racing, and I took a deep breath. She was here. I wasn’t too late.

I approached her mother’s room, and I could hear them talking. Well, her mom was talking, consoling her really as Hattie was crying. The sound broke my heart, and I looked in to see she was laying in her mom’s bed with her head in her lap as the woman ran her fingers through her hair telling her everything would be all right.

“But it won’t be mom. He’s the only person I’ve ever loved, and I ruin it every chance I get.”

Her mom looked up and gave me a sad smile. “Have you told him that, sweetie?”

“What’s the use? You’ve seen him, right? Daddy wasn’t even half as good looking as Nix, and he found a way to cheat on you.”

“Nix is not your father, and it’s time you realize that. You can’t keep letting your fear of what happened to me destroy your chance at happiness.”