Page 9 of Filthy

“No, I didn’t realize that.”

“You know, we were all friends when we were younger. Your father had his eyes set on Claire before we had even graduated high school. Their first date was a week before Christmas. I remember telling him he was crazy. No one wanted a girlfriend over the holidays, but he wouldn’t hear of it. That was the first Christmas we all spent together and the holiday I met the love of my life.”

Tears had welled in Hattie’s eyes, making me wish I was close enough to pull her into my arms and wipe them away.

“Things have certainly changed, haven’t they?” she asked.

“Yes, they have. But we were lucky that after all that time we could raise our children together. Hopefully, the future will tie us together again… but only time will tell.” My mother added with a wink.

I shook my head and pushed away from the table. Marriage wasn’t something I was afraid of. It was Hattie. It’s not like I could tell my family that. They had these picture perfect memories of their friends and I wasn’t going to be the one to tarnish that by sharing how my sweet Hattie grew up hiding her father’s infidelity or holding her mother while she cried herself to sleep. Had I not seen it myself as a kid, I wouldn’t have believed it, but I learned then that not everyone was as happy as people believed they were.

We finished breakfast with uncomfortable jokes from my brothers and my parents, pretending like they had no idea what was going on. It seems we weren’t as quiet as we thought, or maybe the walls were just thin in our old house. I pulled my coat on and went out to warm up my brother’s truck. Choosingto ride my bike wasn’t the smartest move, and the ride back to New York City tomorrow was going to be miserable in the lightly falling snow. I pulled around to the front door and got out to get Hattie. She was already standing on the front porch, wrapped in more clothes than I had left her in. It looked like my mother topped her off with one of her knit hats and scarfs and under all the wool, her cute little nose and eyes were the only things I could see. I climbed the steps, reaching for her to help her to the car. Hattie was the clumsiest person I had ever met in my life. Ever since she tripped over her own feet and scraped her knees, I did what I could to keep her from getting hurt.

After one close call with a slip on the bottom step, we made it to the truck without casualty and we were on our way to pick up her mother.

“Your mom was really laying it on heavy this morning, wasn’t she?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. You know how she can be.”

“She just wants her little boy happy.”

“No, she wants me home. She has plenty of other sons she could marry off, but none of them have moved away.”

“I thought my parents were going to lose it when I followed you to New York City. Then after we broke up, it got worse. Until the accident, I think they both still held out hope we would end up together.”

“Well, it’s clear mine still think the same thing.”

“Nix, I—“

“It’s okay Hattie. You don’t have to say anything.”

“No, I do. I feel bad that I just dropped in like this and interfered with your family this weekend. I have convinced myself it would be okay and we could be civil with each other and we have, so I’m grateful. But I just want to make sure we are both on the same page with everything. When we go back to New York City, I’m not expecting anything from you. We’ve both moved onwith our lives and it is what it is. I’m not expecting you to call or for us to date again or anything.”

“You're not expecting it or you don’t want it?”

Hattie got quiet, and I held my breath, waiting for her to respond. I don’t even know what possessed me to ask a question like that. It’s not like I wanted anything more with her, but for some reason I needed to hear she felt the same way. My job at the tattoo shop was something that created a huge divide between us. The owner of the shop was Ares Sabino, one of The Dark Kings who ran the mafia in New York City. He was the token playboy of the bunch and women hoping to get a peek at him or the other artists who worked there flooded the shop. My business took off faster than I had imagined and the long hours there, combined with the time I spent working on Harley’s, didn’t leave enough time for Hattie. I never strayed from her. I never even looked at other women, but she had convinced herself that I was cheating on more than one occasion. Eventually, it tore us apart. After that, I never believed there was anyone else for me and I was okay with that. I just wanted Hattie happy and when I realized I couldn’t bring her happiness anymore, I knew it was over.

“I’m not expecting it.”

“So you would want it?”

“To be friends? Maybe. I don’t know Nix, things were just so bad in the end. I’ve tried to rebuild my life, but we were friends since we were kids and without you in it, I feel like something is missing.”

I pulled into the parking lot of the nursing home and got out. My mind was racing as I walked around the truck to help Hattie down and I kept pretty quiet while we went in to get her mom. Once Hattie had signed her out, a nurse helped us get her to the car. I lifted her from her wheelchair and into the backseat, then stored her chair in the back of the truck and helped Hattie in.Being that person for them felt right. Something deep inside me felt comfort because Hattie and her mom were okay as long as I was with them and I wasn’t sure what to do with those feelings yet.

“Did you two have a good Christmas Eve?” Claire asked from the backseat once we got on the road. Her speech was still a bit slurred, but I didn’t have any problems understanding her. Hattie told me she was always embarrassed to talk in front of others because of it, so I did what I could to carry on a normal conversation, even though my mind and heart were a jumbled mess.

“Yes, mom. It was very nice. Wait until you see everything Mrs. Stratford has made for today’s brunch.”

“She always put out a good spread. Even when we were younger. Nicholas, your mother always beat me at any baking contest we entered. Did you know that?”

“I didn’t. But she is a good baker. I will give her that much.”

“Have you brought Hattie to the shop?”

“What shop?”

“It’s nothing. Just a little project I’ve been working on.” I said, looking up at Hattie in the rearview mirror. I had no idea Claire knew about it, but it made sense that she did. My mother visited her often and I should have realized she would have told her. “Maybe I’ll show you before we leave town.”