Page 11 of Accidental Wedding

She keeps talking. “I want to have kids… a family. I want a husband that I see more than a couple times every six months, someone who is around for me, for our kids… I want a life. I can’t take you away from your duty.”

And, irony of ironies, just as I’m about to tell her the small ember of an idea that I’ve held close to my chest since I got out of the hospital, there’s a knock at the motel room door.

Chapter 12- April

The knock at the door was the team that Shane’s commanding officer sent to help us out. Once he’s confirmed who they are, Shane closes the door and wordlessly gets dressed, his eyes on me the whole time. I’m wrapped in a sheet on the bed and I don’t know what to say. I’m fiddling with my wedding ring in what could become a nervous habit… if it even stays on for a full twenty-four hours. Oh, how I wish it would! But I can’t hold Shane back like that.

I tried to convey that to him, but I didn’t say it right. Instead, I made it all about me, what I want for a future. My future is important to me, but so is Shane.

I think I’m falling in love with my husband.

Shane picks up my crumpled dress from the end of the bed and hands it to me. Standing up, I let the sheet slip down. I move to take the dress from his hand, but he shakes his head. “No, let me.” He’s gentle as he slips the dress over my head and shoulders, smoothing it down my sides. He leans in close and whispers in my ear before turning back to the door. “I’d like to talk to you… when we have a moment, okay?”

All I can do is nod.

Watching him interact with the other soldiers as he gives his report and tells them what happened is enlightening. That smooth control and calm demeanor that’s helped me is in play here, but it’s a bit sharper. Even the way he stands is different, less relaxed and more formal. I hang back on periphery of the room and wait until someone notices me. None of the soldiers pay me much mind. When I hear one of the soldiers tell Shane that they located the sniper and his team. There was a shoot out, but they managed to get them all. No one is coming after Shane anymore.

Shane is the one who comes over to let me know what’s going on. “A couple of the guys are heading back to the hotel to pick up our stuff and they’re going to drop off the car I stole, try and get in contact with the owner, pay for damages, that sort of thing. How are you doing over here?”

I’m not sure how to answer that. On the one hand, my emotions are all over the place. On the other, I just had sex for the first time with an incredibly handsome and caring man who happens to be my husband. The feelings he drew out of my body were too much and not enough all at once.

Not telling him that I was a virgin right away was a mistake. I was just afraid that if he knew how inexperienced I was, he wouldn’t be interested in me. I should’ve known that he would be understanding.

Now, we’re in a car (not stolen this time, thank you) and driving towards an airport where the soldiers who went to the hotel will meet us with our things. This vacation has hardly lasted a day, and yet I am more than ready for it to be over.

The being shot at part, that is. I’d love to stay with Shane for as long as he’ll have me, but I don’t think that is something that is going to happen. He’s so quiet next to me, and I’m just waiting for him to start talking. I’m assuming it will be something about getting an annulment—or divorce now, I think? I never did get that cleared up—so when he does speak up, what he says comes as a bit of a shock.

“I want to leave the military.”

What. “What? Why?” I’m completely bewildered.

Shane laughs without humor. “You’re the first person that I’ve said that to.”

“Isn’t this something that you should be talking to your family about?” I cautiously ask him.

“See, that’s the thing April: You are my family now. You’re my wife.”

“Yeah, because we got drunk and won a lot of money and wanted to celebrate! Not because you’re in love with me!” I exclaim.

Suddenly, Shane pulls the car over and slams it into park. He turns to give me his full attention. “Who says I’m not?”

Slowly, I realize what he’s saying. “Does this mean that you want to stay married to me?”

“Hell yes, why wouldn’t I want to be married to you?”

I’m dumbfounded. “Wait… you’re not saying that you want to leave the military because of me, are you?” If he says that I’m the reason he’s giving up a very important career, I’ll feel incredibly guilty.

“This is something that I’ve been thinking about for awhile now, April.” Shane relaxes back into his seat and watches the other cars drive by on the road before he continues talking. “Ever since my team was killed… it’s been really hard, for me. My best friend Brad was on the mission with me and I was right there with him when he died. You saw my scars, I wasn’t hurt too badly but I spent some time in the hospital. The main long term damage I’ve got is some PTSD. My commanding officer sent me on this vacation so that I could relax, maybe get my head on straight. He thought that the time off would do me some good. Considering it was either this or going into therapy… well. Vegas didn’t sound that bad, in comparison.”

I do my best to smile at Shane’s attempt at a joke, but what I really want to do is start crying for him.

“Those men who died… they were my brothers. Almost all of my real family is military, they’ve all served in some capacity. They understand what I went through, the impact it’s had on me, but… I don’t think that they truly understand how I feel. I was with those men for years and now they’re all gone and I’m alone. And honestly? I’m scared.”

Shane’s voice breaks on his last word and I reached out and grab his hand. He squeezes tight and continues his story. “So much has happened and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished, what I’ve done for my country. But I’m seeing things in a different perspective now. Some of my teammates who died… they had wives and children. The way they talked about their families… their families were there reason for being overseas, their motivation to protect. The more I heard them talk about it, the more wonderful it sounded.” Shane trails off.

Cautiously, I start talking. “I want to sell my pottery. Maybe have a studio on some land. Chase my kids through a field and catch butterflies in the evenings before falling asleep next to my husband. I don’t need or want anything fancy. I just want to be happy.” I play with Shane’s fingers. “Does that… does that sound like something you’d like?”

I’ve been looking at our entwined hands, so I don’t see the smile on his face until he places a finger under my chin and tilts my face up. His grin is blinding before he gently kisses me.

“I’m really glad that I grabbed our marriage license before we left the hotel.”