Page 63 of Branson's Promise
Half an hour later, once Juliet and Lena had eaten and Milo and I had settled onto the sofa idly browsing our phones, Noel returned with a large box in one hand and takeout bags dangling from his arm. “Food, my loves,” he announced, and I chuckled as Juliet paraded herself at his feet with a pitiful meow.
“Ignore her, she’s eaten.” I stood up to greet him, lightly brushing my lips to his. They were cold and his cheeks were tinted a bright pink. It was then that I noticed his coat was dusted with droplets of water and his hair was mussed as though he’d had it under a hat. “Did you go out?”
Noel placed the items he was carrying on the side table and removed his black leather gloves before shrugging off his funnel coat. “Emile said the cheesecake would take four hours to chill, so I went out and bought one.” Oddly, he wouldn’t meet my eyes when he spoke and my stomach churned with unease.
“Why the sudden need for cheesecake?” Milo asked, as he stretched his legs onto the coffee table. “I’m sure we could have found something else down there. The brownies are pretty good and I know Emile keeps a load of them hidden in the freezer.”
Noel bit his bottom lip then soothed the spot with his tongue as his hands wrung together nervously. “I need to talk to you both about something and I thought we could have a nice dinner together first.” That churning turned into a full blown whirlwind as my mind went to all the places this talk could take us - none of them good because why would he be so nervous if what he had to say was anything but awful?
“What,” I started, then swallowed thickly, my mouth suddenly bone dry. “What did you want to talk about?”
Noel shook his head, “Shall we eat first?” All traces of my earlier hunger had evaporated and looking at Milo and the way he now sat up straight, his arms resting on his knees, his jaw set tightly and his eyes glued to Noel, I guessed he was feeling a little uncertain about this ‘talk’ too.
“You know when you say ‘we need to talk’ it sounds ominous right?” I wasn’t able to hide the anxiousness in my voice.
“It’s nothing bad, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way but it is important.” Noel gestured to the sofa. “Okay, let’s sit and we can eat after.”
Apprehension lodged in my throat as I sat in the space next to Milo. Noel took the armchair opposite us, his hands twirling together restlessly on his lap. Silence sat thickly in the air, the scent of cheese and garlic circling us, as we sat in a suspended moment before Noel cleared his throat.
“My dad is sick.” Memories of my own father in that hospice room barrelled through me and I shook my head to clear the images. This was about Noel now, not about me.
“You know he had a heart attack a while back and though he's been doing well it left him with some irreparable muscle damage to the organ. He's been managing it well with medication but his overall health has been declining.”
Noel’s bottom lip quivered and his head dropped then he raked his hands through his mess of blonde strands before straightening up again and taking a deep breath. “When I saw him on this last trip, he looked so frail. Seeing him really drove home that I may not have a lot of time left with him.”
Sliding to the floor, I crawled over to him and took his hands in mine. “I’m sorry.” They were words that couldn’t fix anything, but they were true nonetheless because I was sorry. Sorry he hadto deal with this, the same way I had. I would never wish this on anyone.
“What have the doctors said?” Milo asked, scooting forward as he spoke.
“That there's other medications they can try, diets, lifestyle changes but how well that will help with his weakening heart is unknown.”
I’m not afraid of dying, Branson, but I do hate that I’m leaving you and your mother behind. I wish I could soak up a thousand more minutes with you before I leave this world.
It hit me like a freewheeling freight train, what this all meant and I was ashamed at the wave of anger that hit me at the implications. “You’re leaving.” It wasn’t a question because I knew it to be true with as much surety as I knew my own name. His head dropped again but I didn’t miss the subtle nod of his head.
It wasn’t fair of me but as the pieces clicked into place, I couldn’t help the hardness in my voice. “How long have you known?” Noel’s red rimmed eyes shot up to meet mine at the same time that Milo said my name, an air of warning in his tone.
“How long have you known that you would need to leave New York?” I repeated the question.
Noel dropped his gaze from mine, looking down at his fidgeting hands. “A while.”
“Did you know before we got together?” Another nod as betrayal itched at my skin and warred with the shame I felt at being mad at him at a time like this.
“So this whole time, you knew you’d need to leave, and you never said a word? You lied to us.” I stood, moving away from him and towards the door. His eyes followed my every movement but he remained seated. Milo was still, his head tracking from me to Noel and back again.
“I didn’t lie, I just didn’t tell you. Not at first, but I’m telling you now. I’m sorry it took me so long. I do need to move back to the UK, to be closer to him and to help my mum. Before I met you, I was going regularly but that wouldn't be enough now. I can't be so far away in case he… I need to make this permanent and I want you to come with me. Both of you. I’ll buy us a house and we can live together there. All of us, even the cats. It’ll be the start of the next part of our life together.” There was so much hope in his voice. “I didn’t say anything sooner because I didn’t want to accept his diagnosis, and because I was scared.”
I could understand wanting to ignore his father’s illness, I can remember trying to do the same as a teen, like if I pretended he wasn’t ill then he wouldn’t be but I didn’t get why he was so afraid to share this massive bit of his life with us. “Scared of what?” I asked, my head spinning from his confession and his proposal. Of course I would leave with him, but that didn’t stop the hurt that he’d kept this from us. “Because you know we would have helped you through this, supported you however we could. Hell, if I’d known I’d have blown off sightseeing to go meet your dad. Why didn’t you lean on us, the same way we always lean on you?”
Noel looked at Milo, his eyes pleading with him to understand. “I was afraid one or both of you would say no, that you wouldn’t come with me and I don’t know how to be there and here. And I don’t know how to be without the two of you.”
I opened my mouth to tell him I would follow him anywhere, he just needed to be open and trust us but my words were forced back in when Milo spoke, his words landing with a crack against my heart.
“One of us is saying no.”
My eyes shot to Milo. “Wha… what do you mean?” Tears blurred my vision because I wasn’t stupid. I may be the one they always thought they had to take care of, but I wasn’t stupid.
“I can’t go with you.” Milo shook his head then rubbed at the back of his neck before turning to Noel. “I’m sorry.”