Page 32 of PS: I Hate You

No, I remind myself. This is Dom through and through. Demand the pertinent details, and don’t mess around with anything silly like emotions.

Not that I want him to bring up feelings that I may or may not have toward him. But after the motel, I just thought there’d be…something.

Frustrated with myself and Dom and the universe, I exit my inbox, shove my phone in my pocket, and vow not to look at or even think about the message until I get home tonight. Maybe not even then.

Dom can wait.

Luckily, I don’t have any afternoon meetings, so I’m able to squirrel myself away in my cubicle after I get back with my spicy falafel wrap and stew in my cranky mood. I’d have trouble pasting on my helpful work smile with Dom’s cold message rattling around in my brain.

At the end of the workday, I’m still irritated. I stow my laptop in my bag, put on my rain gear, and stomp the entire three blocks back to my condo. Back in my home, I shuck off my rain jacket, then start pacing. Without work as a distraction, all my mind can focus on is the email. As my agitated feet pound a steady rhythm back and forth, I mentally plot my response to Mr.Responsible Asshole.

Fuck off.

No, that’s too simple and makes it sound like I’m backing out of Josh’s wishes. Which I’m not, as much as I want to never see Dominic Perry’s face again. If it weren’t for Dom’s involvement, I’d be on a plane tomorrow, heading to a new Josh destination. I want more of my brother’s wordsnow.

But I’m worried if we meet up too soon, I’ll make the same bumbling mistake I did in Delaware. That my grief will manifest in bad choices.

Then there’s also my job. Pamela was flexible this past year with me working remotely because of Josh’s illness. But I’m not sure these ash-spreading trips would be met with the same understanding.

With these two concerns in my mind, I force past my needy urge to tell Dom to pack a bag by tomorrow. Eventually I come up with a message as devoid of emotion as his was.

Sender:Maddie Sanderson

Subject:RE: Travel Plans

I can meet you in Alabama any weekend in April. Give me the coordinates. I’ll make my own travel arrangements.

-M

There. I completely ignore his request for my phone number, because I see no reason for him to have it, and I suggest just over two months from now so I can utilize the weeks to reconstruct my Dominic defenses. We’re still too close to Josh’s…

What do I call it?

Death day?

Whatever. All I know is I’m not okay yet and being around Dom has me doing terrible things.

Like kissing him.

I need to not kiss him ever again, which means I need to not be emotionally vulnerable near him.

My laptop dings, and I realize there’s already a response to my email. Was the guy hovering over his inbox like a hawk? Ready to swoop in and make more demands on me?

Sender:Dominic Perry

Subject:RE: RE: Travel Plans

The first weekend. It’s more efficient for me to make both bookings at the same time. And I’ll text you the coordinates when you message me.

-Dom

“You pushy asshole,” I mutter while typing.

Sender:Maddie Sanderson

Subject:RE: RE: RE: Travel Plans

It’s more efficient for you to type the coordinates into the means of communication we’re already using.