Page 76 of PS: I Hate You

Why do I make the same mistake on an endless loop?

I’ve replayed that night on the porch swing far too many times, and through those many dissections, I realized that I initiated everything. I kissed him. I took off my shirt and kicked off my shorts. I covered his hand with mine and nudged it between my legs.

Sure, Dom participated. “Like this, Maddie?” he would ask. “You like it when I touch you like this?” And damn it, I did, moaning his name.

Thank the universe my mouth was pressed against his shoulder when I eventually came, because I’m pretty sure “I love you” wanted to force its way out on that final wave of pleasure.

And I did. I loved him. He made it so easy.

And he left me easily, too.

I sink onto my couch, cradling my head in my hands as an ache starts up a slow pounding in the base of my skull.

I was supposed to be establishing a platonic friendship with Dom. Working on becoming the person who made sure he never took life too seriously. Josh wanted me to look out for his friend, not rediscover a pointless infatuation.

Too far. I went too far in the other direction.

My email pings.

Sender:Dominic Perry

Subject:RE: RE: RE: RE: Phone Number

Maddie,

I wasn’t aware you enjoyed viewing porn in public gas stations. Is this a trip requirement? How many times will we need to stop to get you your fix?

Sincerely,

Not a Scrub, A Responsible Accountant

I bark out an unexpected laugh after reading Dom’s response. I can hear the words spoken in his dry, sarcastic tone, while a smile twitches at the corner of his mouth. A lot of people who meet Dom assume the man is all serious scowls with no sense of humor.

But he just needs to be pushed. And prodded. And poked. And only then does he give himself permission to make a joke.

My fingers creep to the keyboard, the act of typing a response easing the pain in my skull.

Sender:Maddie Sanderson

Subject:Travel Budget

Dear Responsible Accountant,

What percentage of the funds that Josh left us do you believe he intended for the purchase of smutty magazines? 10%? 15%?

I hope you’ve budgeted for this.

Sincerely,

Never Settle For Cheap Smut

Sender:Dominic Perry

Subject:RE: Travel Budget

Dear Expensive Smut,

I will add “Maddie’s Gas Station Pornography” as a line item. Please make sure to submit your receipts so you can be properly reimbursed.