Page 86 of PS: I Hate You
Josh
I laugh so hard I start coughing. But the loss of breath is worth it. And so is this hike if I get to force Dominic Perry to sing for me.
He scowls. “There aren’t bears in the Badlands. This isn’t fair.”
“Oh, Dom, my boy.” I pat his shoulder. “Life rarely is. Better you learn early on. And you heard him. Ideservethis. Now, what were a few of Josh’s favorites?”
He carefully folds the paper and slips it back into the envelope. “I distinctly remember him saying he liked silence.”
I snort. “Really? BecauseIdistinctly remember him playing Paramore on a loop because he had a major crush on Hayley Williams.”
Dom sighs. “I can’t argue that.”
Leaning back on my arms, I admire the prairie grass bending in the strong wind while sorting through my mental list of Josh’s favorite songs so I can be prepared for the hike back.
“Do you think this is the perfect spot?” Dom asks after a stretch. “To leave him?”
Leave him. My heart beats in a heavy, painful pound.
But, after running my eyes over the beautiful expanse of wilderness, I nod. “Close to perfect as we can get.”
I pull the South Dakota Rubbermaid out of my pack and pop the lid. My knuckles are white from my tense grip, but Dom doesn’t comment on the hint of vulnerability. He’s good about that. Letting me feel how I feel in these hard moments, and simply staying by my side through them.
I tilt the container so my brother pours out and mixes with the wind. As the last particles are swept away, a hawk glides overhead,and I take a small amount of comfort in the idea that Josh might encounter the bird.
Maybe he’ll go on a few adventures with it.
“Happy travels,” I murmur.
“Time for a picture.” Dom slips his phone from his pocket.
I heave myself off the rock, and Dom rises to stand next to me. An idea pops into my head, and I scramble onto the boulder until I’m standing, which puts my head a few inches higher than Dom’s.
“I’m going to be the tall one this time,” I tell him while holding my hand out for his phone.
He narrows his eyes, but his tight lips fight a smile. And he passes his phone over.
At this elevated position, I easily drape an arm around Dom’s broad shoulders, and even with my shorter arms, I manage to snap a selfie of the colorful hills behind us with both of our faces in the frame.
“Looks good. Send it to me when we get reception.” I return his phone, then rub my hands together. When we were hiking, the constant movement kept my body plenty warm. But now the chill of the cloudy day seeps past my fleece pullover and into my skin.
“Are you ready to head back?” Dom stares up at me, and I can’t help thinking how good he looks in his knitted hat.
“What’s the rush?” Even with Josh in the wind, I’m reluctant to leave this spot, knowing that walking away will be the true goodbye.
Dom tilts his head south, and I stare into the distance where some ominous clouds lurk. “There’s a chance of storms. Thought it wasn’t until later tonight. But from the looks of that, the weather might hit faster than we expected.” Tension tightens his voice.
Oof. I’m barely equipped to deal with the outdoors on a decent weather day. Storms and Maddie Sanderson do not mix.
Plus, we have a four-hour drive to North Dakota.
“Yep. Let’s go. I’m feeling good.” Which is the truth as far as mybody is concerned. My breathing has calmed, and this return trip is flat just like the way out here.
I should be good.
—
I amnotgood.