Page 9 of PS: I Hate You
“Maddie…” Dom moves closer, his broad body looming over mine, and I don’t know if he’s about to snatch the letter from me, annoyed that I’m reading too slow.
Panicked at the thought, I press on.
This isn’t a goodbye letter. There’s one in here. Sorry, there has to be. But it’s not this one. This is the starting point. I want you two to do something for me, and luckily, since I’m dead, you can’t argue.
I glare at the paper while feeling a tingle of warmth at Josh’s familiar morbid humor.
I didn’t see everything I wanted to, so you two will have to take some adventures for me. But don’t worry, I’ll come with you. In fact, I insist on accompanying you. If you would be so kind, Magpie.
The nickname threatens to break me, but I keep going.
Pack up my ashes and spread a handful in the states I’ve listed at the end of this letter. The ones I never visited. Take me to the places I missed. There is an envelope for each one. Dom, make sure Maddie gets where she needs to go. Some of the places are more exerting than walking to the closest coffee shop. I made good money off my pictures, and I willed most of it to you both. It’s yours to use how you want, but I hope you spend some to travel where I never did. Have fun for me. Please do this. It’s the last…
I stumble over that word, the shock of it a punch straight to the heart.
It’s the last thing I’m asking of you. Also, very important: wait until you get to the destinations to open the envelopes.
Love, Josh
PS: I think this quality time together will be good for you both. Don’t hate me.
Beneath his signature is the list he promised. With growing dread, I count.
One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight.
Eight.
My brother wants his ashes spread ineightdifferent states.
He wants me to spread his ashes in eight different states withDominic Perry.
“He—” Dom starts, but I don’t stay to hear him finish.
I sprint out the door.
“Maddie!” His bellow follows me as I weave through strangers dressed in black, my eyes desperately seeking an exit. I need out. I need air.
I need my brother.
Ihatemy brother.
The words of his letter cycle through my mind as I desperately search for another meaning. How could this be his final ask? Didn’t he realize losing him would be hard enough? Now he’s demanding I spend however long touring the country with the man I most want to avoid?
And Josh doesn’t even have the decency to be here to argue with!
The large envelope crinkles in my grasping fingers as I shoulder my way into the bright midday sun, the mild winter weather refusing to match the dark clouds in my mind and soul.
Even free of the stifling building, I have the urge to keep moving. To escape until I’m far enough to pretend those words I read werefiction. My laptop bag slaps the back of my legs as I stumble through a jog in my heels.
The funeral home’s door bursts open behind me.
“Maddie! Don’t run away from me!”
But that’s what I’ve been doing since I was nineteen years old, and I see no reason to stop now. My eyes catch on an open gate and my feet propel me forward faster despite the pain in my toes.
Go go go,my brain shouts.Go as far as you can and never look back!
“Don’t follow me!” If only Dom would leave me alone, then maybe I could forget all this heartache.