Page 96 of A Wish for Us
Bonnie wasdying.
I staggered to the wall, and finally my feet gave out. I hit the floorand felt the shield of numbness drain out of me…only to lower my defenses so much that the emotions assaulted me, blanket-bombing me with images of Bonnie slumping in the boat, holding her arm, calling my name…
My head fell forward, and the tears I had held back came pouring out. I fucking fell apart on the floor until a pair of arms came around me. I knew it was Mrs. Farraday, but I couldn’t stop. She was her mother. Getting told her daughter would only have a couple of weeks…but I couldn’t help it.
Bonnie was it for me. The only one who understood me.
I loved her.
And I was going to lose her.
“She’s gonna be all right,” Mrs. Farraday kept whispering into my ear. But her words were navy blue.
Navy blue. Motherfucking navy blue.
“She’s gonna be all right.”
Navy blue.
* * *
My feet were leaden as I walked into the room. The rhythmic beating of the life-support machine was deafening. Mrs. Farraday’s hand squeezed my shoulder as she passed me, shutting the door and leaving us alone. The room stank of chemicals.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. My feet edged closer to the bed, and I almost fell down again when I saw Bonnie in the bed. Tubes and machines surrounded her, her eyes closed, depriving me of her light. A chair waited next to her, but I pushed it aside and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. I took Bonnie’s hand in mine.
It was cold.
I pushed her hair from her face. I knew she liked it when I did that. “Hi, Farraday,” I said, my voice sounding like a scream in the quiet room. I squeezed her hand then leaned over her, careful of the tubes, and kissed her forehead. Her skin was ice-cold. My eyes watered. Moving my mouthto her ear, I said, “You made me a promise, Farraday, and I’m not letting you get out of it.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I love you.” My voice cracked on the last word. “I love you, and I refuse to let you leave me here without you.” I swallowed. “Just fight, baby. I know your heart is tired. I know you’re tired too, but you have to keep fighting.” I paused, pulling myself together. “The doctor said you’re at the top of the list now. You’re going to get a heart.” Of course I knew that wasn’t guaranteed, but I had to say it. More for myself than for her.
I glanced down at Bonnie’s chest. A machine made it rise and fall. It was a perfect rhythm. I kissed Bonnie on the cheek then sat on the chair beside her. I kept tight hold of her hand. Even when I closed my eyes, I didn’t let go.
* * *
“Son?” A hand on my shoulder woke me up. I blinked, dimmed lights shining above me. Confusion clouded my head, until those clouds dispersed. I found Bonnie on the bed, eyes closed and machines loud. Then I looked down at my fingers still linked through hers.
“It’s late, Cromwell.” Mr. Farraday nodded his head toward Bonnie. “She’s in an induced coma, son. She won’t be waking up for a while yet. A few days at least. Her body needs time to get stronger.” I stared at her pretty face, pale and covered in tubes. I wanted to push them all away, but I knew they were keeping her here.
“Go home, son. Get some sleep. Something to eat. You’ve been here for hours.”
“I don’t…” I cleared my hoarse throat. “I don’t want to go.”
“I know you don’t. But there’s nothing we can do now. It’s all in God’s hands.” He waved his hand for me to follow. I stood and kissed Bonnie on the cheek.
“I love you,” I whispered into her ear. “I’ll be back soon.” I followed Mr. Farraday out into the hallway. “I’m coming back in the morning.” This time I wasn’t asking permission. They weren’t keeping me away.
Mr. Farraday nodded. “Cromwell, you kept my baby alive until the paramedics got there. I’m not making you go anywhere.”
“My dad was in the army. He taught me.” I didn’t know why I said that. It just came out.
I saw the sympathy in Mr. Farraday’s eyes. And I knew he knew about my dad. “Then he was a good man.” He squeezed my shoulder again. “Go. Sleep. And come back tomorrow.”
I turned and headed for the main doors. I wasn’t thinking, just letting my feet lead the way. As I stepped into the cool night, I saw someone on a bench in a small garden across the road. As soon as I saw the blond hair, I knew who it was.
I dropped beside Easton on the bench. He didn’t say anything as we stared at the statue of an angel in the center of the garden. It was minutes before he rasped, “She has a couple of weeks, Crom. That’s it.”
My stomach tightened, so much that it made me feel sick. “She’ll be good,” I said. But I didn’t even convince myself. “She’s at the top of the list now. She’ll get a heart.” Easton was silent. I turned to him. “How are you?”
Easton laughed without humor. “Still here.”