Page 77 of Wicked Knight
“Okay, if you say so. I’ll take the pass.” She giggles, and I smile, too, grabbing a cookie and nibbling on it. “So, what’s going on with you and Dmitri? I assumed you wanted to talk away from campus. That’s why we came here.”
I take in the excitement and hope brimming in her eyes and feel at ease for what I’m going to say. There isn’t anyone else I can talk to about this.
I take a deep breath, my heart racing as I think of the words to say. “I’m seeing Dmitri. In secret.”
Her face breaks into a wide smile, her eyes sparkling with delight. “Oh my God, really?”
“Yes. I guess I took your advice.” Not that Dmitri gave me a choice.
“Oh my God, Mackenzie. This is so, so good.” She grabs my free hand and squeals like I just gave her the best news ever.
I can’t help but smile. “It is, but…it’s just…risky. His dad, my dad—if they find out…”
“Stop.” She holds up a hand. “Stop right there. You’re happy, right?”
I nod, my cheeks heating. “Yeah. Really happy. I wish things were different and I could just be with him all the time, but I’m happy with what we have.”
“Then screw the risk,” she says with a shrug. “You deserve to be with someone… you love.”
“I do. I guess it’s just that there’s aloton the line.”
“I know.” She waves her hand dismissively. “But you only live once. Is being with him everything you dreamed?”
“Better.” My chest tightens at the thought of Dmitri—the way he looks at me like I’m the only person in the world, the way his voice drops when he says my name, the way I feel when I’m with him: alive and untouchable. “We’re walking on thin ice with a sketchy plan, but it’s like I can’t breathe without him. When I’m with him, everything else just… disappears.
Isabelle beams, propping her chin in her hand. “I’m so happy for you. You truly deserve this.”
“Thanks,” I whisper, my heart full and aching all at once.
“Have you guys talked about the past at all?” she asks the question carefully.
“No. Not really. Not the important parts. I guess we’re taking things one step at a time. Which may be okay for now.” I thought about the past a lot over the last few days. “Things may eventually blow up in our faces when we clash about something. Like his feelings toward my father.”
She presses her lips together. “It’s a tough situation, but it doesn’t seem like he’s thinking about your father. Maybe he’s just thinking about you.”
“I think so. There will come a day when that won’t be enough.”
“Perhaps, but I don’t think you should worry about that now.”
“It’s hard not to. And I’m having that reoccurring nightmare about the past again.” I haven’t had it again since that night last week, but that’s how it works. I get a little break before it comes back.
Instantly, Isabelle looks worried. “How many times has it happened?”
“All through last week. But the last one was different. I saw a face. It was blurry, but it was a face nonetheless.”
Her skin goes pale. “Mackenzie, maybe you should speak to someone about this.”
“I want to, but I don’t know if I saw enough to warrant me speaking to a therapist.” I say that word—therapist—with caution. I always got jittery while I was having therapy, which seemed counterproductive. “Honestly, I don’t know if I want to put myself through all that therapy again for a blurry face.”
“I see your point. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“What about Eilish? It’s just an idea. She may be someone to speak to in the interim. She’s not an actual therapist, but she’s our counsellor, and she’s a good friend.” Isabelle nibbles on the inside of her lip, contemplating the idea. “You may not even need to tell her the details of the past.”
I consider it. She’s right, but the only reason I may not have to tell Eilish about the past is that most people have enough of an inkling to know what happened.
They didn’t need to know the full story to put together that the Valnekos stopped being friends with the Domachenkovs because they blamed them for Tommy’s death.