Page 93 of Gambler's Conceit
“Stop it,” I tell Seven, my own voice sharp. I can’t believe I’m about to go head to head with Caleb fucking Spade about this, but something needs to give. I can’t keep chasing Seven and bringing him back while he screams and begs to be hurt all over again.
Seven stares at me, looking wounded. I set him down right in front of Havoc.
“Go on,” I tell them, trying to make my voice less of a bark.
“Fuck you,” Seven whispers, and my heart aches to hear that note of defeat in his voice.
Havoc pulls Seven closer to him and glares at us. “That long expanse of desert? Nobody would findyourbody in it either, Caleb.”
Caleb only rolls his eyes as Havoc leads Seven into his bedroom and shuts the door behind him.
There’s so much I want to say, so much I could say, but I don’t even know where to begin. So I blurt out the only thing that’s been on my mind. “What the fuck is going on, Caleb? Because I’m about at the point where I’m going to stop bringing him back to you.”
Caleb shakes his head and points to his office. “Come on. I don’t need them to overhear.”
I make a frustrated noise, but I follow him to his small home office and wait for him to close the door.
“Okay. And?” I demand. “This shit isn’t normal. Getting set off by random things, deciding to get drunk and throwing himself at random men?—”
“He threw himself atyou, too,” Caleb points out calmly. “That behavior was only abnormal when it no longer served you?”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it!” I tell him harshly. “He’s been acting off. Keeps talking about how you own him. He calls youMaster, you tell him to do shit he doesn’t want todo, and me?” I bark out a laugh. “I’ve been just as complicit. I should’ve told him no so many times, and I didn’t becauseyoukept encouraging me to fuck him.”
God, I’m so fucking disgusted with myself.
If someone had treated my sister the way I’ve been treating Seven, I’d have kicked their ass into next week. My behavior has been inexcusable, to say the least, and I don’t know what to do to make it better.
Caleb bursts out laughing. “Excuse me? It’smyfault you fucked Seven? You couldn’t keep it in your pants? You couldn’t leave the room? You were just so afraid of what I’d do to you every time I asked if you wanted to join or not?”
My face burns. He’s right, and that’s the worst part of it. I shouldn’t have done any of those things. I should’ve seen the signs and… and what? “It doesn’t fucking matter,” I say as steadily as I can manage. “But I think he needs to get away fromyou.”
“Okay,” Caleb says with a shrug. “Take Seven. Give him the normal life he wants. Let him roam about the city; let him run away from you the way he inevitably will. It’s not like you’ll ever know what becomes of him. Maybe he’ll find happiness as he whores himself out for rides on the interstate. Maybe he’ll die in a ditch. Maybe his former masters will retrieve him. But your hands will be clean.”
My blood runs colder and colder the more he speaks, and my fingers flex as they clench into fists and straighten out again.
One thing in particular sticks out—his former masters—but I can’t focus on that now. Not yet.
“How are you going to punish him, Caleb? What could you possibly do to him that won’t just…” I grit my teeth. “How the fuck are we supposed to protect him if he won’t let us? If he won’t letyou?”
“If I was truly going to punish him, I’d tie him to his bed and leave him alone for a few days,” Caleb says tonelessly.
My breath hitches as I imagine what that would do to Seven. I raise my fist and step closer to Caleb.
He immediately puts his arms up in surrender. “I saidif. I have no intention of doing that. No, I’m going to give him what he wants. I’m going to whip him. I’m going to remind him that we’re here, giving him what he needs. And when I’m done, you and Havoc can comfort him.”
I don’t know if that’s what he really needs.
I don’t know that any of us know what he needs, though.
I do know one thing for a fact, though: Seven sure as fuck doesn’t, and he’s going to keep running himself into the ground until he self-destructs if no one keeps him in line.
Caleb is doing what I never could.
“All right,” I say after a long, long pause. “I’ll keep saving him from his fucking self. I’ll keep dragging him back, even when he begs me not to. But I’m trusting you, Caleb. I sure as fuck hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I do, as well,” Caleb says. He runs his hand through his hair. “Now, you should probably check on Seven and Havoc. I’m going to prepare the bedroom for Seven.” He pauses for a second. “Let Havoc know that he is free to leave. He doesn’t have to watch Seven take the whipping.”
I nod, feeling just as weary as Caleb looks. “He’ll stay,” I say. “I… I shouldn’t have come at you like that. I don’t know how he got under my skin, boss, but I don’t know what to do about it. I want him… but fuck if I want to be what he uses to hurt himself with.”