Page 65 of Fall From Grace

He kissed my collarbone before kissing my lips. I arched my back when I felt him trying to take off my bra. Soon, it too was on the floor. He grabbed and squeezed them before he was pulling away again. I reached for him until I saw what he was doing and waited with anticipation and nervousness rolling into me. He unzipped his jeans then pulled out a condom… And it was happening all over again.

He was back above me, pinning my legs back as he claimed my lips and pressed inside. The pain was immediate, but Noah pinned me down harder when I cried out and tried to push him away. He smothered me out with his tongue and didn’t even give pause when he was completely rooted inside of me. He pulled back then slammed back in. “Noah,” I cried against his mouth. It hurt so much but it was the strangest thing, the pain started to bring on a new sensation.

“Just let me have you,” his words almost sounded like a plea.

He pulled out, slammed in. Something sparked, wanting to change because a slither of something amazing hit my insides and I slowly relaxed and welcomed the next thrust. I whimpered when the pleasure slowly tried to burn through the pain. Noah’s body was completely rigid as he grunted with his next movement. “I think it’s coming,” I sobbed as I wrapped my arms around him and he kissed me and increased his tempo. “Oh, God!” I moaned as I shattered and pulsed around him.

“God, Grace,” he hissed. I felt his release inside me and gazed up at him as he collapsed on me. He lifted his head and kissed me like a man that hadn’t just had me. “You’re perfect, and now you’re feeding my addiction of you.”

_____

I sat on the couch with Noah’s shirt on and a blanket as he put on a movie. I admired his shirtless physique while he was turned away. Sex wasn’t just about having sex with Noah. To me, it was wanting to share every moment with him, to know him in every way.

I had bled a little more again this time like I had in Noah’s Jeep last weekend, but he had cleaned me up afterward and offered me his shirt to wear until we had to leave. That was the problem. I didn’t want to part with him after what we just did together. I was so hopelessly attached to Noah in every way.

“Are you sure Jack or his dad won’t just barge in?” I asked, gazing down at my bare feet peeking out of the blanket.

“No, his dad knows we’re up here and Jack’s out with his girlfriend.”

He turned around and smiled at me. “Come here,” I mumbled, opening my blanket to welcome him. He sat down next to me, pulling me onto his lap. “What are we watching?”

“Thirteen Ghosts.” He grinned. We had loved that movie when we were younger. It had seriously freaked me out.

“You ever want to watch something we haven’t seen?” I asked him.

“I’d rather watch something we’ve seen so that I get more of your focus.”

I laughed. “Jealous of the TV, are we?”

“We got many years to watch new movies together, nothing wrong with appreciating the fact that I shared all these memories with you as a kid and get to feel nostalgic about all the times I was planning to make you mine.” He squeezed me tightly. “And, look now. You’re mine.”

“I’m seriously curious about the way you saw me as a kid.”

“I never saw you as a kid,” he whispered. “I saw you as a girl I loved.”

“You were always my favorite person,” I told him. “Still are.”

“Let me be always.”

30

Grace age 17

Noah age 17

I’m not my father. I’m nothing like him. All that I have left to feel when I think of him is anger and hollow pain, I say hollow because it feels so void and pointless. I shouldn’t give him any emotion. He shouldn’t even exist to me, but I still wonder, I still worry, I still hope that he’ll let go of his cravings and set himself free. Not in the way Mom did.

I’m set free of him. Only I’m not.

And I want to be free of the pain my parents brought me.

I’d rather immerse myself in Grace and stay in her prissy confines and drown in happiness.

N.P.

Football season was over and our first snow fell. School was canceled and it left me with little to do Tuesday morning. Noah had gone to the garage since he didn’t have school either. I was tossing some miniature marshmallows into my hot chocolate and waiting by the microwave for the popcorn to finish when someone knocked on the door.

Gus took off running and I followed after him. When I opened the door, I hadn’t expected it to be Noah’s dad. “John?” I asked, alarmed and quickly slipped on the closest shoes by the door and stepped out into the freezing cold. “What are you doing here?” My parents wouldn’t like him being here. Dad wasn’t home but Mom was in the shower. She had nowhere to go with school being canceled.