Page 83 of Fall From Grace

“Once,” he pointed out. “You look like you were going to throw a punch when he tried to come inside after the date.”

“Because he kissed like a blowfish,” I muttered, getting all riled up that he was bringing up my lack of dating.

“Just face it, your body won’t betray your feelings for Noah even though you’ve convinced yourself your feelings for him have dulled, they haven’t. You just haven’t been around him to get the full Noah-effect he has on you.” I rolled my eyes at that one. “Don’t even pretend, I’ve seen you two from the sidelines our entire lives so I know.”

I grabbed an empty pop bottle on the floor and threw it at him. “Be quiet, stop pretending like you know stuff, you’reDustin.”

“All right, whatever you say.”

These feelings I had for Noah were long gone, even when I sat on my bed with Gus on my lap and scrolled through Janet’s new posts. I wasn’t doing it because I wanted to be with him, I did it because it felt like I was checking up on an old friend. I jumped up when I saw that she had posted new pictures a few hours ago. They were group pictures, maybe from a cookout. I scanned the faces for Noah and fell back when none were of him. Gus yelped, I almost killed him by squashing him. I gave him a bunch of hugs and kisses while he wagged his tail and looked at me like he was trying to figure out why he deserved to get laid on.

And it definitely wasn’t Noah’s face and body I conjured up inside my head as I slipped my hand inside my shorts to find relief the nights I needed it to fall asleep.

It wasn’t.

______

The next few days were dull and meaningless. I went to work at Applebee’s and then I’d come back to the apartment where the only one who greeted me was Gus, and it was Rachel’s cries of pleasure with Dustin in the next room that kept me up at night.

I didn’t go home at all. I stayed here even in the summer months. Every summer before now, it never felt like this because I knew I’d have college that would start back up in the fall and I’d have a reason to still be here… Now everything was over and I was scared.

It was a lot easier staying away then it was going back to see the father that rarely called. I’d call him sometimes too but we were the two most awkward people on the phone with each other. It was like we lost how to be ourselves when Mom died. Then I felt even worse because I haven’t gone to see Mom’s grave once since I left town.

I also received a message from Janet, asking if I was finished with all my classes, which wasn’t unusual, she still checked in on me occasionally and even called despite the fact that I wasn’t with Noah. I had been finished with everything since last week, and that was why I was in such a funk with my life. I could stay here, I was offered a job already but I was so antsy. I didn’t feel contented and I couldn’t relax. I felt like I was a giant spring that was being held down, close to springing free—aka, me going bananas if things didn’t start to feel better, normal, or more accurately,right.

My phone woke me up super early the next morning. Instead of answering it though, I hit the ignore button but whoever it was called straight back. I groaned and pushed Gus away from my face because he kept wanting to lick me, apparently, he thought I should get up too. It took me a minute to see who was calling because my eyes were blurry from sleep, but they widened when I saw that it was Janet.

“Hello?”

“Grace.” She was crying. I raised up, feeling completely awake with her muffled voice crying in my ear.

“What’s wrong?” I asked right away.

“It’s Noah,” she started.

I grabbed my chest. “What? What do you mean? Is he okay?” Of course, I knew it must be something bad when she was crying like she was, my stomach fell to the floor.

“I don’t know, they haven’t said anything, he was at the garage when he—” She choked up again and now I was on the verge of crying. “Can you come?” she asked.

“I’m leaving now,” I murmured as I stumbled out of bed and hung up. My entire body was shaking as I tried to get to my door and caught my foot on the edge of the doorway. I hollered from the pain as I hopped and held my foot up. When would I ever stop doing this to my toes? I wasn’t going to have any left!

Dustin stumbled out of his bedroom barely awake. His eyes were more closed than opened when he came to check on me. “What happened?” he asked.

I dropped my foot and felt my face pinch together, the thing it did right before I burst into tears. “Noah.” I started crying real ugly and it seemed to wake him up because his eyes widened as he took a step back, holding his hands out.

“Eww, I can’t deal with your ugly crying,” he told me. “Have you finally realized how stupid you’ve been?”

Rachel crawled out of their room next. “What’s wrong, Grace?”

I started running around in circles trying to find my wallet, keys, and shoes as I cried. “Seriously, Grace, what’s wrong? You’re freakin’ me out,” Dustin said.

“Noah’s been hurt at the garage, I don’t know what’s going on. I have to go,” I told him.

“Shit,” he muttered. “Hold on, and we’ll both go. You can’t drive in your shape anyway.”

“No,” I reacted. “I want to go alone, besides we both can’t leave work.” I already had my shoes on when I bent down and picked up Gus. “Come on, boy,” I said to him as I hurried to the door.

“Why are you taking Gus?” Dustin asked. “We can watch him.”