Page 90 of Fall From Grace
“Leave me alone,” I grumbled, looking out the window.
He laughed. “We can make new memories in this one.”
I turned my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about but leave me out of it. Besides, you left earlier without even telling me goodbye, and now you show up and expect me to go eat with you?”
“You’re in my truck, you’re withme, ain’t you?” he grunted.
“Because I’m starving.”
“I was going to wait it out and let you come to me, Grace, and remembered that this is you I’m talking about. I couldn’t wait and let you leave town again.”
I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked down at my legs. “Are you seeing anyone right now?”
His eyes looked so soulful and earnest when he looked at me. I felt it breaking me down, pulling and tearing me apart, oropen.“I promised, didn’t I?”
I looked ahead and fought the urge to touch my face as the emotions overwhelmed me. I couldn’t sit here and believe that this giant, beast of a man Noah had become hadn’t lain with anyone else since me. Did he really keep his promise when I told him not to wait for me? My chest felt like it might burst.
I felt hot. I mean, really hot. My face and stomach, my entire body was burning, completely aware of the man next to me.
“You’re always storming back into my life when I least expect it, just like when I saw you on the football field, and earlier at the hospital, you make me lose my damn mind,” he muttered, raking his fingers through his hair as he drove. “I’m so pissed that you’re only back because you thought I was hurt but not pissed enough.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re not running away,” he informed me.
“I have nothing to run from.”
He smirked. “Good.”
Despite our tempers with each other and Noah’s body mass, nothing had changed, yet everythinghad. I couldn’t explain it… or maybe I could, if it was even possible everything I felt for him was even more intense, so out there and around us, choking me with its presence like it refused to let me ignore it any longer. Even with the intensity, I still found the same comfort I always did when I was with him though. I propped my feet up in the window as I sucked the bones clean as we ate ribs in his truck. I didn’t know why we always chose to eat alone than going inside places, but this was what we preferred. The intimacy was still what I loved.
“I see you’re still a messy eater,” he noted as I slurped on my drink. I looked down at my barbecue fingers that were now all other the cup before glaring at him. “Have you been with anyone?” he asked abruptly.
I almost choked on my pop. I moved my legs and dropped them to the floor as I raised up. “I’ve dated…”I’ve been on one date. “Yeah, I’ve dated.” We would leave it at that. No need to let him learn the truth and piece together that he was still my only partner. I was too afraid of what might happen if he knew. I wanted him, I shouldn’t want him, I loved him, I thought my feelings could simmer into nothing, but that had been a mistake. Noah was my kryptonite, he made me weak and wild with his touches, but he was also the kindest, most loving human I’d ever met. He was the kind of person you strived to be and for some crazy reason, he loved me. I was the lucky girl that moved to the neighborhood and placed myself into his world without realizing how much I’d get in return… Something that beautiful, I’d wish on a billion stars to have it back without the guilt of Mom’s death looming over it.
“That’s good.” It felt like his eyes were caressing my skin. I broke into chills. “Now you know no one can love you like I can, no one can give you what we are when we’re together because that’s for you and me. Nobody belongs in our lives.”
I looked away and sucked in a shaky breath. It felt like a live wire in the truck, the tension between us was so thick and full of life that I knew I had as much as I could take of Noah for today before I did something that would break us more. I didn’t want to hurt him or me anymore. I needed to break free of what we had, and hope that when he finally let me go, I wouldn’t regret it.
Who was I kidding? I already regretted having to leave him with every fiber of my being. Regret was a long time best friend with my pal, Guilt, over the years. I was so used to both of them that their presence was so dim until these moments that shoved them in my face.
“Can you take me home?” I asked a little too shakily.
Just when I thought he might push me further, he didn’t. He started the truck up. “Yeah, as long as you don’t leave town.”
“I’m not leaving,” I told him, but when his eyes lit up and darkened over me, I felt like he misunderstood me.
What was even scarier, was the way I was almost begging him to end my guilt in some sort of way—any way.
Back and forth, back and forth, my brain and body decided for me. What a mess my mind was.
37
She’s so aware of me, just like I am of her. The willpower it took to act like I didn’t want to forget the world and get lost in her was because of my love for her. I want her always and forever, not just for an hour or a day. I won’t take bits and pieces, I’ll take her whole because it’s what she needs and deserves, and that’s everything to me.
She can’t pretend not to know that she’s everything to me. If she’s forgotten, guess I’ll have to remind her.
Any hands that have touched her will be erased,forgotten,gone until there’s only mine.