Page 92 of Fall From Grace
Now I really was nervous. “Why? Is Noah there?”
She turned and smiled at me. “Why are you being so nervous? He’s the reason you came all the way to see me, right?”
I wiped my face nervously and placed my palm on my knee and held Gus with my other hand. “I came because you said there was something you wanted to show me.”
“And I am,” she replied with a smirk. “Noah’s never stopped waiting for you despite knowing that you were trying to run from everything you had with him.”
I glanced at her apprehensively. “It sounds like he’s told you everything.”
“You’re not the only one that felt horrible about the way your mom passed away, Noah felt the same things you did, and with you pulling away from him, he needed someone to listen.”
“Noah… he felt the same way I have?” I asked quickly. “He never…”
“Because you were clinging onto it so hard, he knew that if he did too then neither of you would fight for your love because you’d both be trying to figure out if you should blame yourselves for your mom being out that night.” She went on, “I’ll tell you the same thing I told him and what I told you yesterday… let it go. I never met your mother, but some things you just know, and she wouldn’t want you this way no matter what reason she was out on the road that night. It’s crazy the way humans will cling so hard onto the bad things than focus on the good ones.”
“You don’t understand,” I muttered. “My dad has been steadily pushing me away since she died, and no matter what anyone says, I feel like he blames me and can’t even stand to be around me. He loved me so much… and just like that, he can’t stand me. I hate it! This man that I’ve loved my whole life suddenly being cold to me. What if the same thing happened with Noah? What if one day he was so disappointed in me that he became the same way?” I shook my head violently. “There’s no way I could handle that, I’d rather live with this guilt and leave him than for him to one day look at me the way Dad does!”
Janet slammed on the brakes, and I looked up to see that she had pulled off beside the road. She looked so sad when she faced me that I placed my face in Gus’s fur so I didn’t have to face it. She pulled me into her arms and I stiffened. “You’ve been having all these thoughts without anyone to talk to?” she whispered. “You must miss her so much. I still miss mine, they were always the ones we could go to when things were tough, whether it was with life or just the thoughts inside our heads. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom.” With her words, I broke down and cried into her shoulder.
Janet’s shoulder was so comfortable that I found myself crying for the longest time before I finally settled down. I had so many tears, so many emotions, so many choices, so many things I wanted that I thought I couldn’t have, and things I wanted but was afraid of one day turning uglier than I felt now.
I finally pulled away from her when I felt better, also a bit drowsy now that I had cried to my heart’s content. “I understand why you’re hurting but believe me, there’s nothing you can do that can ever disappoint Noah. The worst thing you could have done to him, you already have by leaving him, and he still hasn’t lost sight of you.” I wiped my face. “Time to let it go, it’s time to live,” she said before getting back on the road.
I cleaned my face up but it was still obvious that I had been crying. I felt strangely better, but still nervous because I didn’t know what I was doing. “I’m not much, and I know you don’t know me well enough, but that can change and I can always be a listening ear or shoulder to cry on… Never let yourself suffer alone, you were only eating yourself on the inside.”
“Sorry about that breakdown,” was the only thing I could say to her. Twice in two days. Maybe I tried too hard for so long and kept it bottled away to the point that I truly was falling apart.
When we arrived at the garage, I immediately knew that it wasn’t the same. My eyes took in the new name and I was completely speechless. In italicized gold lettering,Prissy Auto Repairs and Serviceswas plastered on a sign at the entrance and again on the newly painted garage. Black and gold paint job, this place looked amazing.
“What?” I finally mumbled.
Janet was grinning. “Dean sold the garage to Noah.” I looked over at her. “It was time, he was ready to rest and he knew Noah would be the perfect choice. Neither of our sons wanted it and they don’t live around here anyway.”
I looked at the garage again. “You’re grinning,” she informed me as she watched me. “Are you that happy about Noah getting himself a garage or is it something else?”She knows.
Of course, I was. My skin felt like bursting. The only boy I ever loved was now a man who made his garage’s name the nickname he called me. After a good cry, all of these good feelings were hitting me as I stared at the title, and there I was smiling again.
“I can’t go in there with the way I feel right now,” I said immediately as I clung to Gus in my arms. He knew the car was parked so he was restless to get outside.
“Why not?”
“Why did you bring me here?” I dragged out a sigh. “Why did you show me this?”
“I brought you here because with him is probably where you want to be, but you don’t want to admit it because of this pointless guilt and fear. I knew if I brought you here, you’d be left without a choice.” She touched my arm. “I brought you here because Noah’s my family now, and there’s this other thing I’m doing.”
“What?” I met her eyes.
“I’m saving Grace,” she answered, “I’m savingyou, from yourself.”
“Wait, Janet,” I whispered quickly as she opened the door. Noah stepped out of the open garage doors wiping his hands on a rag as he saw her and smiled. He took my breath away even greased up, maybe even more so. He was so handsomely sculpted, and it wasn’t just his appearance that was rich and vibrant.
“What are you doing here?” he asked her then when Gus started barking, his eyes fell on us.
I was so fidgety and nervous for some reason as he smirked at Janet before walking over to my window as I rolled it down. He peered down at me with a smile. “Might as well get out,” he told me as he opened my door.
“We can leave if you’re busy,” I rambled as I got out and stood beside him anyway.
“I’ll never be busy enough when it comes to you,” he said effortlessly, and I looked away, lowering my gaze to the ground instead of at his alluring smile.