Page 80 of Acid
I hum and admit, “I know that now, but back then, I was a sixteen-year-old pulling away from her crush so she didn’t lose him as her friend. I was so embarrassed by my actions, and I-I, God, I guess I didn’t read the room. I didn’t see what I meant to you, and I know if I had fought for you back then, you would have given in….”
He snorts. “Given in? Nah, I would have tied you to my bed and never let you go.”
I grin at his words before kissing his chest where my name is, and then look back at him.
“When Cass left, I went to The Fight for the first time in months because I wanted to cut badly and was trying to stop. It was then the Aldo brothers raped me.” Ollie tenses, but I continue, giving him what he needs, “They weren’t happy that I beat them, that they lost money, so they both ganged up on me in the changing rooms. I tried to fight back, even when Franky tore me….”
“Tinker…” Ollie chokes.
I shake my head. “You need to know everything, Ollie, just like I know nearly everything about you. I think that’s why my nightmares came back.”
He sighs, tightening his hold on me, and rasps, “Alright.”
I give him a sad smile. “I tried to call you that night, Ol, but you didn’t answer.” He flinches. “That’s when I decided the only person I could count on was myself, and completely pulled back from everyone.” I take a deep breath and admit, “It took me a few years to do it, but I got the courage to get my revenge on Austin and Franky so that they couldn’t hurt another girl. After the abortion, it was the only thing I could think of. I hid in the hallway before I jumped out on Franky first, and stabbed him, before hiding again, and doing the same to Austin.”
“Fuck, Tinker,” Ollie whispers with pain.
Tears blur my eyes as I admit, “I ran outside afterward and vomited behind the dumpster.” I sniffle. “I changed that night, Ol. I became hard and cold, and for a while, I was trying to get better, trying to allow a man to take me, even if it was just from behind.” Ollie scowls, and I grin. “Don’t be a hypocrite, Ol.”
He shrugs. “Don’t care if I am one. I don’t like the thought of anyone touching you.”
I smirk. “And how do you think I felt after hearing you screwed my so-called friend a week after you screwed me on the diner counter?”
He narrows his eyes and growls, “I was drugged!”
I hum and ask, “And you had an idea you were, right? When you woke up?”
He looks at me skeptically but nods. “I did, yeah.”
I raise a brow and state, “Then you could have told me the truth instead of allowing me to believe you slept with her, had gotten her pregnant, instead of using her lies to keep me at a distance.” Ollie groans. I laugh a little before admitting, “After Canine killed her, Piston did some digging, something he hadn’t done other than her medical records. Her father had cut her off. From the day we met, he made it perfectly clear she had to work for what she wanted because she’d become bratty and spoiled, and she didn’t like that.”
“She was hoping your mom would convince him to give her money?” Ol asks as he glides his fingers lightly up and down my spine.
I shake my head. “No, she was hoping Mom would give her the money he was giving her instead by guilt tripping her for breaking up her parents’ marriage, which is what she did with Dad’s money, not wanting to waste her lover’s. But when mom started saying she couldn’t take any more money because Dad was becoming suspicious, bills were not getting paid?—
the mortgage, the water, heating—Andrea then planned to get her father and my mom together to get her way. She’s the one who told Dad about Mom’s affair. Piston found proof on her phone, a message she sent Dad with a picture.”
“Fucking bitch,” Ollie mumbles, and I smile.
I’m glad she did it because then Dad knew what kind of wife he had….
“We’re getting a little off track here,” I say, and he grins before I admit, “I didn’t have feelings for Coby.” Ollie’s grin disappears, a scowl replacing it, but I ignore it and continue, “I was using him, but he knew the deal. I didn’t want a relationship; heck, a man’s hands on me made my skin crawl. I could barely get wet, and if I did, it was just my body’s natural reaction. I couldn’t orgasm, and I was using him to try and get there, but I never could.” I take a deep breath. “I’d ended things with him before you and I slept together. He started getting clingy and wanted more, like the guy before him. I told him about the rape and to move on. He started showing up out of the blue and was stalking me after months of silence.” My eyes race between Ollie’s as I admit, “He’s the one who put the notes on my car.”
His jaw ticks, and he mumbles, “I should have tortured him longer….”
I snort, then gently trace my name again, his fingers still moving along my spine, setting a fire deep inside me.
“The first orgasm I nearly had was with you,” I admit, not looking up. “It was on the counter, and it scared me. It was the first time I got wet from arousal, the first time I didn’t panic with a man's hold in my hair, the first time I didn’t care that a body was pressed up against mine….” My eyes stay focused on the tattoo. “I got in my head when I realized I wasn’t freaking out, which is why I told you to pull out and come in the condom before I had a chance to orgasm….”
Ollie gently cups my jaw, and lifts my face to look at him.
“You’re scared I’m going to leave you, aren’t you?” he asks, and my tears fall.
He wipes them away before he sits up slightly, bringing me with him. Cupping my jaw now with both his large, rough hands, he states, “I love you, Perrie. I know I fucked up over the years, I know I should have told you about Andrea and my suspicions, and I know I should have tried to let you in sooner regarding my past, but honestly, I thought I could cope with just being in your life as a friend, that I could watch you fall for someone else and start a family…until it suddenly consumed me, and I realized I couldn’t.” He gently pecks my lips. “You, Tinker, are the reason why I got help, so I can overcome the fear, the pain, so that I could be with you.”
His eyes race between mine before he admits, “You are my life, Perrie Halliwell; you are the reason why I breathe, why I get up in the morning. Even when you distanced yourself from me, you were still my reason, and every day, I ended up at the diner so I could get a look at you….”
I sob and say, “Nowthatis stalkerish….”