Page 117 of From Me to You

He placed a kiss on my closed lips and lingered there before he pulled away. “I am sorry Katy said those things to you, and I am sorry about my behavior this morning.”

The lump in my throat only became bigger. My sweet, sweet boy was apologizing to me when I was the one who should be. I was ruining us, and he didn’t even care. All he wanted was me.

He removed my shoes and tucked me into the blanket. He slid in beside me and pulled me into his arms. I sighed as I heard his heartbeat. I cuddled as close to him as I could.

“When you ran like that, I panicked. I thought I lost you forever and that I wouldn’t see you again. I couldn’t breathe.”

Jay was never going to let me go—although the previous Evy would have rejoiced at that, the current me had to do everything to make him leave me forever.

I leaned in to press my forehead against his. “I love you, and it’s tormenting my soul,” I whispered, and I pressed a kiss against his lips as if I were sealing off something.

He looked confused. “Sweetheart, what are you talking about?”

But I didn’t reply. I buried my face in his chest, relishing in his warmth. It was a confession, one that he would never understand. Not unless he knew the whole truth, but I was taking that to my grave along with my lifeless body. Because if Ididn’t truly love him, I would have selfishly told him everything and we would be back home in Bellevue where Jay would waste his years singing in gigs that would never take him seriously. And I would be by his side while I watched him miserably fail in achieving the one thing he had ever wanted.

But my heart would never want that because I loved him with all that I had and I wanted my baby to always be happy. So, I was willing to sacrifice my sanity for that. All for him.

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Today was the day of the event and it was a big day for Jay. So, I begged White not to make me do anything that would ruin it for him. And she reluctantly agreed.

I had been very quiet these past couple of days—I had hardly spoken a few words to anyone. I was mostly in my room, hiding under the blanket, while cruel thoughts invaded my mind. Jay held me tight during the night, as always whispering sweet nothings to me.

Katy tried to apologize, but I told her I didn’t want to speak to her and that I needed space. It was probably a good thing that she accused me of those words. It created the rift that I needed anyway. Poor Lily didn’t know what to do. She was so confused by all this mess. The girls had gone out with White to get their nails done, and I hadn’t even bothered.

“How’s my favorite girl in the whole wide world doing?”

My heart tugged so badly when I heard those words. My lips itched to ask him that. I missed it.

“Doing just fine. Are you excited for tonight?” I smiled as I stepped into his arms. I wanted to be the good, supportivegirlfriend today. It was an important moment in his career, and after all, I was doing all this for his career.

“I am great now that I have seen my girl.” Jay kissed my lips.

I knew Jay was struggling. On the outside, it might look like everything was okay, and we were pretending that everything was fine between us. But he knew something was very, very wrong. He knew we were on a fragile rope, barely hanging. It was destroying him. I could see that, yet there wasn’t anything I could do about it. He was terrified, terrified that he was going to lose me for good. Little did he know, I felt the same.

“Do you want to go get ready?” I asked him.

He nodded as he took my hand. We had only three more hours before the event, so it was the perfect time to get ready.

We headed to the closet, and I took my blue dress out of the hanger. God, it was so beautiful. The next day, after the boutique incident, about ten bags arrived in my room with all the dresses that I had handed out to the shop assistant. Jay got them all for me. When I asked him, he told me that he would buy that whole store for me if I asked. I swooned, but I tried so hard not to let it show on my face. I wanted so badly to live my life with him and experience everything. But no, it wasn’t possible.

I didn’t have Rina today for my hair and makeup, so I decided to go with my usual makeup. I brushed my hair for a long time until it cascaded down in smooth, soft waves. I slipped on a pair of small powder blue heels and dabbed my go-to perfume on my pulse points. I looked presentable but also tired and exhausted. The dark circles around my eyes had only seemed to have gotten worse. And my skin was too pale, void of any color except for the pink I tinted on my cheeks. I looked like a ghost. The ‘J’ on my neck shone under the bathroom light. I clutched it, praying for it to give me strength.

“You ready?” Jay smiled, leaning against the door.

“Yes.” I walked over to him.

Jay looked so gorgeous in his pure black tux, and his hair swept away from his face. His blue-blue eyes shone as they took me in.

I stepped into his arms and grinned.

His eyes widened a bit because I hadn’t looked at him like that in a long time. I wanted to go back to the playful fun Evy tonight. Just so it would make him happy, and he deserved to be happy tonight. I knew it confused the hell out of him with all my changing behavior.

“Did you know why I picked this dress?” I tightened my arms around his neck.

“Because you look so fucking sexy in it?” Jay playfully nipped my jaw.

I giggled. “Jay.”