Page 120 of From Me to You

I thought about our time together—our first date by the stars, our endless nights staying in my old bedroom, our weekend at the cabin, our promises to each other—and every memory of him flashed before my eyes. Tears burned my eyes, and the lump in my throat got bigger and bigger. My heart was so heavy that I didn’t know how I was breathing.

We loved each other so much. It was an effortless sort of love that came naturally to the both of us. I don’t know how to be without him. Warm tears cascaded down my cheeks, and I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped me.

I pushed Jay’s arms away from me and rushed into the bathroom with a pillow in my hand. My knees gave out as I slid into the empty bathtub and screamed into the pillow. I sobbed and wailed. My baby, I was going to leave him. He loved me so much. He named his album for me. What hurt the most was that he would never know. He would never know how much I love him.

I curled into a ball and heaved on the pillow, gasping for air. Jay was going to think that I never loved him. I sobbed heavily while I repeated in my head that he was going to think I never truly loved him. I couldn’t breathe at that thought.

After what seemed like hours of crying, I slowly sneaked back in. My body was so exhausted, my throat burned, and my eyes were swollen and red, but my brain was in overdrive. I clutched the ‘J’ on my neck, praying for some peace, but sleep wouldn’tcome and get me. No one would come and get me away from this hell.

CHAPTER 24

“Where have you been?” Jay asked, leaning against the bedpost when I walked into the room.

His eyes narrowed as he took in my attire. It was the shortest and skimpiest red dress that I could find, revealing too much skin.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Are you back already? I told you I was out with Tay and Dec.”

I was actually sitting on the bench at the Santa Monica Pier, the same one where he slid the ring onto my finger. I was there most days now. I sat there for hours staring at the ocean.

It had been a little over a month since the pre-album release event. And ever since that, I have been disappearing every day, letting Jay and the others think I had been out drinking and partying. Well, in reality, I was drinking, but not with anyone. I was drinking while gazing at the ocean with so much sadness and lost hope. Because only a week was left before I left him forever.

I hated being away from him and losing all the precious time that I had left with my baby.It is necessary for all this to go down,White had told me. I wanted to fight and scream at her, but over these past few months, I had gotten so weak. Every fighting bone in my body took her taunts as punishment for hurting him.

Sometimes I hoped someone would notice it and save me from her. But recently, the band had been so busy getting all the last-minute work done. Since Jay wanted to be fully involved in the creative process, he was there all the time. I could tell my behavior was distracting him and, in turn, creating a rift between the band and him. But I let it not affect me because one more week, I told myself. Just one more week before it was finally over. I tried not to let tears form in my eyes at the thought of that.

“Don’t lie, Evelyn. Tay got back home an hour ago. And your phone said you were in Santa Monica.” His eyes flashed with anger.

I sighed. It didn’t matter what he says anymore. Everything he said I turned it into an argument. I didn’t know if it was because of exhaustion or frustration but I was mentally tired.

“Oh, so you are spying on me now?”

“I am not fucking spying on you. You have been lying to me and going God knows where, and you dare accuse me.”

I exhaled loudly. “I told you I was going out. You expect me to stay at home like I am some sort of stay-at-home housewife while who knows what you are out doing?”

“You know where the fuck I was. I was busy promoting the fucking album I made for you. I even invited you, but you wouldn’t go anywhere with me.”

I rolled my eyes and walked out the door. “You are acting like a child. I am going to get something to eat.”

“Oh no, you don’t, Evelyn. The fuck. Explain to me now, dammit. You have been disappearing on me lately. God knows where and with whom. Are you fucking cheating on me?” Jay thundered, storming behind me.

He was starting to get doubtful. That was exactly what she had wanted. It hurt. I didn’t know how much of it my body could take anymore.

Everyone’s eyes widened as we entered the informal room.

I ignored him and went up to the fridge to grab some leftover pizza and took a bite from the cold slice.

“Fucking answer me, Evelyn! Are you fucking cheating on me?” Jay roared at me from across the kitchen counter. He pounded the countertop, his knuckles so white that the veins in his hands bulged out.

My heart hurt seeing him angry like this, and it was all because of me. But I was cold and numb.

Mikey was immediately at his side, trying to calm him. “Man, stop. E would never cheat on you.”

Jay pushed him off and was in my face. “Fucking answer me, Evelyn. Where the fuck were you?”

My eyes widened as I swallowed. “I was with Tay, and no, I am not cheating on you,” I admitted the half-truth in that statement.

Jay narrowed his eyes. He shook his head as he exhaled a deep breath and bolted out of the door.