Page 106 of Dear Mr. Brody
“I’ll see you tonight.”
“Tonight,” he said, and I heard him exhale. “And hey, Park. If you’re short a sponsor, I can talk to Anders about having Lowe Literary pitch in.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know. But I want to, and Anders would want to, as well. He picks a charity every year to donate to anyway. Why not this?”
I’d thought about asking Van for help, but like I’d told him this morning when he’d mentioned my assignments, I didn’t want to take advantage of him, or our relationship.
“Thank you… I mean it. But we should talk about it more when I come over.”
“You’re stubborn.”
“You have no idea.”
“We’ll talk later, then,” he said.
But before I could respond, I heard the chorus of voices again in the background singing, “Bye, Parker.”
I didn’t know my cheeks could ache from smiling.
Donovan
The crisp November air clung to my cheeks as I stepped inside the classroom and switched on the lights. My heart skipped a beat as the room illuminated. The lecture notes from the professor who’d used the classroom earlier were still scribbled across the white board. I thought after my first class, maybe even the first week, the sensation, the excitement would have died out, but it never did. Every class started the same. My hands would get clammy as the students started to roll in. I’d worry my assignment or lesson plan would be boring and not well received, or worse, someone would fall asleep during my lecture. I’d only had a couple of students drop the class at the beginning, and I tried to remember that every time I got nervous. And as much as it shouldn’t have, it always helped having Parker in the room. The secret smiles he’d send my way had given me the confidence to continue without missing a step whenever I stuttered over something, or when I’d get overly excited about one of the books a student had chosen for their paper. He believed in me as much as I believed in him.
When I signed up for the dating app at the end of August, I never thought I’d find something serious. I’d thought I would go on a few dates, be single for once, figure out what I wanted next, figure out who I was beyond Lanie, beyond being a dad, and maybe, if I was lucky, I’d find someone. Someone to let me figure things out on my own, someone to let me discover myself at a pace I could handle, someone who wouldn’t rush me into something I wasn’t ready for. Parker had done all of that and more. He helped me see myself through a clear lens, and when I opened my eyes every morning, I no longer questioned what I wanted. Parker was my next step, my new beginning, and tonight I was ready to give him everything, all of me. He never pressured me, never asked me for what I knew he wanted, and maybe it was kind of terrifying, the idea of giving him my body the way he had given me his so many times, but it also gave me solace.
I was distracted by my thoughts and missed it when the classroom door opened.
“Donovan…” Vivian Decker, the dean of the English department, smiled at me as she walked toward the front of the room. “Do you have a moment? I know it’s poor timing.” She checked her watch as I finished hooking up my laptop to the overhead projector. “I should have emailed you, but you know how it is… busy, busy. I’m glad I caught you, though, before the deluge of students arrive.”
She held out her hand and I shook it, praying to whoever would listen she hadn’t seen the way my fingers trembled. Paranoia spiked my pulse as my gaze flicked back to the door. Parker was always early on Mondays.
“Vivian… it’s good to see you.” My voice sounded steady enough, if only I could get my smile to work. I cleared my throat. “With the evening classes, I don’t get to check in very often.”
She lowered her hand, her ice blue gaze skated around the room before landing back on me. “I’m afraid that’s one of the downsides of being an adjunct professor, but after this semester you won’t have to worry about that.”
“I won’t?” My late lunch churned in my gut.
Did she somehow find out about Parker? Was she here to fire me? Jesus, fuck. She was here to fire me.
“I hope not.” She smiled again. That was a good sign, right? “I’m going to observe you tonight. I’ve received excellent feedback on your midterm review from your students, and it’s customary for new staff to have at least one or two of their classes audited, especially if we’re thinking of offering a full-time position.”
“I’m sorry, what? A full-time position?” I stammered, switching from worry to utter surprise. “Are you serious?”
Full time? I couldn’t afford to leave Lowe, and hadn’t I promised Anders I wouldn’t leave? What about Parker? Full time meant more hours on campus. No more evenings only. It meant more interaction with administration, and when Parker changed his major to creative writing next semester, it would all be too close, too risky. If they found out about our relationship, even if Parker was no longer my student, they’d fire me anyway. Or at least open an investigation as to when our relationship started. And I wasn’t going to ask him to hide any longer than I already had.
Shit, why was I even thinking about this?
Because teaching had always been something I wanted, and never thought I’d have a chance to do. Deep down, I knew I could make the salary work if I truly wanted it to, and the only reason I had to turn down the offer was about to walk in the door any second.
“It’s rare to have a professor with such high marks on their first survey, and…” She hesitated, her smile turning apologetic. “We’re losing two professors after the semester, and to be honest—”
“You’re desperate,” I said, but my smile didn’t fall.
“A little.” She cringed. “But I can assure you, you would have been one of our first candidates, in fact, I haven’t asked anyone else yet.”
“Vivian, I—”