Page 59 of Dear Mr. Brody
“It’s not ridiculous. Tonight was a first. Firsts are always emotional.”
I kissed him in the middle of my kitchen, the frenetic energy from before had become more sedate. I wanted to ask him to stay, to sleep in my bed, to give me another first. But I wanted him to leave, too, wanted to have the rest of the night to remember, to process, to fight through the inevitable self-doubt in private. It turned out I didn’t have a choice.
“Shit… I don’t want to leave, but I have to go,” he said, brushing my hair off my brow. “I’ve got to work in the morning. The kids hate it when I’m late.”
He’d told me earlier he worked as a tutor at Pride House. Just another thing that made it impossible for me to tell myself I shouldn’t be with him.
“I understand.”
“I shouldn’t have started something, knowing I had to—”
“Parker… It’s okay. Maybe next time you can stay later… if that’s something you’d want.”
“It’s something I want.”
His lips were soft against mine as he kissed me, and as much as I wished he could stay longer, the prospect ofnext timemade it easier for me to watch him leave.
I walked him to the front door, and after we exchanged our cell phone numbers, he kissed me on the forehead with a promise to text me once he was off work tomorrow. I shut the door behind him and leaned against it, staring at the couch. The night filtered through my brain, and I saw us there, lips and skin and heat. Everything too fast. I thought about the things we still had to say, the ground rules we never set, but before my panic could set in, my phone vibrated on the coffee table. I walked over and picked it up, smiling when I saw the Pegasus notification.
@TheL0stB0y:I kissed you, knowing the flavor of your ruin.
@MeAndMyShadow33: Did you write that?
@TheL0stB0y:I did, just now, sitting at the stop sign.
@MeAndMyShadow33: Knowing the flavor of your ruin.
@MeAndMyShadow33: That’s dark.
@TheL0stB0y:That’s one way to look at it.
@MeAndMyShadow33: And the other?
@TheL0stB0y:Ruin can mean change. For the better or for the worse.
@MeAndMyShadow33: Am I your ruin?
@TheL0stB0y:I don’t know yet, but after tonight, I sure as fuck hope so.
Parker
A bright crack of lightning lit up the sky as I ran toward the front door of my apartment. By the time I made it inside, I was drenched from head to toe, even my socks squished inside my shoes.
“Goddammit. It’s a fucking disaster out there,” I said, and set my backpack down onto the floor.
“Shh, I’m watching a movie.”
Marcos was spread out on the couch, rolled up in a big fuzzy blanket with wadded-up tissues strewn all around him. Several empty mugs and a couple of bowls littered the surface of the coffee table.
“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” I asked.
“I’m sick, asshole.” He was congested enough that his speech sounded almost slurred, making it hard to take his attitude seriously. “I have a fever and I hate the world, and men, and possibly you too… depending on a few things.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“Will you make me a cup of tea and a bowl of that Lipton noodle stuff I like?” He stuck out his bottom lip, pouting like a five-year-old. “I think I’m dying.”
“You’re not dying.” I rolled my eyes as I kicked off my soggy shoes.