Page 16 of Sugar Plum Dreams

What did it mean? Kristen had no idea.

One thing she did know was that she had fallen for Cin. But it didn't look like Cin had fallen for her. That much she could tell. If someone wanted to date two people at once, then their heart was not in it.

Last night had been passionate, intense. But in the harsh light of day, it seemed impossible that Cin could want her for more than a fling. Why would someone like Cin choose her when she could have anyone?

11

Cin stared into her date's hazel eyes, trying to listen as she spoke enthusiastically about her job as a nonprofit fundraiser. But Cin's mind kept drifting to Kristen's deep blue eyes and the way they crinkled at the corners when she laughed. The way her body undulated closer and closer to her when she made her come.

"The board was so impressed with the campaign for LGBTQ youth that they've given us a bigger budget for next year."

Cin forced a smile. "That's great."

In truth, she had barely heard a word. All she could think about was how different this date felt from her time with Kristen. There was an easiness with Kristen, a comfort that allowed Cin to truly be herself. But with this new woman, she felt like she was performing, trying to seem interested when her thoughts were elsewhere.

Her date reached across the table, placing her hand over Cin's. "You seem distracted. Is everything okay?"

Cin blinked, feeling guilty that she hadn't paid better attention. "I'm fine. Just tired from work, I guess." She gave the woman's hand a quick squeeze before pulling away. What was her name again? Cin didn't want to look down at her phone tosneak a peek at the app to remind herself. Looking at a cellphone on a date was the worst.

"Do you want to get out of here, then? We could watch a movie at my place instead, if you like."

Cin hesitated, unsure of how to respond. She didn't want to lead this woman on when she knew her heart wasn't fully available. But she also didn't want to admit the truth: that she was hung up on someone else. Someone she couldn't stop thinking about, no matter how hard she tried.

Cin took a slow breath and met the woman's gaze. "I'm really not feeling up to that this morning. I should actually get going."

"Oh." The woman frowned, looking confused and hurt. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, not at all." Cin sighed, her lips parting to tell the truth. "There's someone else. Someone I'm not over. I'm sorry for wasting your time." She stood up, grabbing her jacket off the back of her chair. "It was nice meeting you. Take care."

Cin got into her car and started the engine. Her hands trembled against the steering wheel. Not her pinkies, though. Both those digits were still.

She sighed and rested her forehead on the steering wheel. Was she being foolish? Kristen hadn't given her any reason to think she'd flee. She'd stayed cuddled in Cin's arms all night. In fact, Kristen had snuggled closer and closer with each passing hour.

Maybe Kristen did have feelings for her. Maybe these doubts were all in Cin's head. No, the doubts were real. But they were based on her past experiences. Not the present happenings.

She recalled the softness of Kristen's lips, the warmth of her embrace. How could she have denied herself that for so long? How could she pretend she didn't want more of it? All because she was afraid—afraid to open herself up to the possibility of heartbreak.

Keeping her heart locked away hadn't protected her at all. If anything, it had only made the ache for Kristen's love grow stronger each day. There was no hiding from it, no escaping the truth.

Cin wanted Kristen in all the ways that mattered. And she was done running from that. She started the engine and pulled out onto the road, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

She was going to tell Kristen the truth. Lay her heart bare and hope that it would be enough. Hope that Kristen felt the same depth of connection, the same bone-deep longing.

And if she didn't...Cin swallowed hard. Rejection would cut like a knife, but at least then she would know. At least her heart would be free, no longer torn between the desire to love fully and the fear of losing everything.

Either way, she had to try. For her own peace of mind and for the chance to build something real with the woman she couldn't stop thinking about.

When she got to her home, she threw open the door. Only to find the place empty. The folded sheet was a loud rejection. The note was there on the table, face down. Cin realized she'd made a massive mistake. While trying to protect her heart, she'd likely broken Kristen's.

12

Kristen pulled on a formless skirt. Then she looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't look like herself. It was her face staring back, but the image felt all wrong—dull, closed up, and gray. The kind of woman who disappeared into the background, blending in rather than standing out.

That wasn’t how she felt on the inside, not anymore. After her night with Cin, she had felt wide open, exposed in the best way. She could still feel the electric thrill of their kisses and her multiple orgasms thrumming through her. She didn’t want to be restricted again, didn’t want to shrink back into the old version of herself that wore clothes to hide, to disappear. Not when she had finally felt what it was like to be fully alive.

Before she could second-guess herself, Kristen grabbed a needle and thread. With her very limited skills, she began reworking her outfit. She cinched the waist of the skirt, adjusted the hemline, and reshaped the fabric to flatter her form, cutting away the dullness. Stitch by stitch, she created something that reflected who she was now, who she was becoming—bold, alive, and unafraid to be seen.

When she finished, she looked in the mirror again. This time, the reflection felt right. She wasn’t gray or restricted. She was vibrant, electric—just like the way Cin made her feel.