Page 39 of Mistress A-0002

Mistress A-0002

If anyone knew the signs of psychosis it was me. Did I worry that I was exhibiting irrational behavior? That I was dissociating and feeling out of touch with reality?That my father’s words were suddenly haunting me?No. I knew my mind and what I could handle. I was stressed. More so than usual. There was a lot riding on me making this thing with Elec work. Ithadto work. He. Was. My. Work. To lose a decade and a half of research at this point was catastrophic. Sure, my emotions were playing a small part, but this was bigger than feelings or exploration. The Collective High Council gave me a job, and I had spent a good part of my life dedicated to it. Elec had all the markers. He was theperfectMain Master for the Garden of the Gods. He was exactly what they needed. I couldn’t recreate that in a normal person. I couldn’t make another him on short notice. He was devoted to his mission, even if he wasn’t necessarily loyal to me. And I couldn’t force that. Not with him. At least, not one hundred percent. I did what I could. I figured over the years, he’d fall deeper under my spell. Especially with me portraying Vivia. I was sure he’d subconsciously merge us. He’d soften towards me, even if he didn’t realize he was doing it.But time hadn’t given me his complete trust. If anything, the last few months proved the opposite.

“You didn’t even return my calls. You don’t have a little time? I came back to see you. Ever since the auction, you’ve been distant. Did I…ruin us?”

I eased from my desk, taking my time as I walked around it to face Adrian. As I leaned back to sit against the dark oak, I couldn’t help but bring my arms up to cross over my chest.

“Ruin us,” I repeated. “That’s what you came back to the Gardens for? Clarification? Did I not make myself clear before you left?”

“Melissa, I haven’t been able to sleep. I can’t think. You said we were fine, but with your recent behavior, I’m questioning everything. I figured it was better to meet in person to see where we stood before I drove myself crazy.”

I laughed. “Crazy. Funny you say that. I was just assessing myself as well.”

“Are you okay? Please, just talk to me. I can help you with whatever you need.”

His concern had him stepping closer. He wasn’t but a few feet away, but even this close, I could smell the subtle hint of his spicy cologne.

“You can’t help me.”

“I can.”

“Not this time.” My eyes closed and within a second, Adrian was cupping my face. When my lids opened, his worry was real. “You can’t,” I breathed out. “My son has been arrested and is in Hell Row. He may face execution. On top of that, the Main Master is at his wits end with me, so begging for mercy isn’t going to work.Oh,and I heard a doorbell last night as I was falling asleep. We don’t have fucking doorbells at the Gardens, Adrian. My mind is on overdrive. If you’re wondering why I’mnot calling you back, it’s not because I’m being distant; I’m just fucking overwhelmed.”

“Jesus.” For seconds the shock filled his face. “Your son? Melissa.” His head shook back and forth. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t hear.” His hands dropped as he pulled me in and wrapped his arms around me. The need for contact was push and pull. The part of me that loved to play the damsel said this was good. Pity was beneficial. I could use that for gain. But the truth was, I couldn’t stand the contact. I didn’t want a shoulder to cry on; I wanted to play him like a puppet and watch the life leave his eyes.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. To lose my son…”

Tears fell. Fake. Prize winning rivers of distress.

“I wish I knew the Main Master better, but I’m afraid we haven’t connected much. I could reach out to him for you. Jett is your son. Surely what he did doesn’t warrant death.”

My mouth parted as my eyes went round with anguish. My lip quivered, and I watched him go deeper under my spell.

“He attacked another Master’s slave. He was in the wrong, and he knew better. There’s nothing I can do. I’m not even allowed to see him until the board grants permission. Given who I am, it won’t happen. I’m a risk to Jett’s trial. The next time I see my son, they’ll be killing him.”

Sobs had my shoulders shaking. I leaned my cheek into Adrian’s chest, clinging to his suit’s jacket as I let myself go through the motions of a grieving, distraught mother.

“Shh. I’m here for you. I’ll do whatever you need. Even if it’s just this right here. I told you the night of the auction that I’m committed to seeing where this Garden’s relationship goes. I meant that. I may not have you on the outside world, but here, you’re mine.”

“Yours?” I breathed out, tilting my face to meet once again with his stare.

“I mean, if you’ll have me. I’m not stupid. I see how the other men can’t keep their eyes off you. You could have anyone here. I want you to choose me. Let me show you what that son-of-a-bitch husband of yours won’t. I can make you happy, Melissa. All you have to do is tell me what you want.”

Want?

My stare lowered back to his chest as thoughts took over. I was disassociating again. I knew that. Answers blurred and wouldn’t come. My lips parted through the nothingness. Adrian didn’t speak as I lost myself. How long, I didn’t know. My head once again tilted back, and I blinked heavily through my swollen eyes to gaze into his. More tears escaped but not for him. I didn’t even truly see who I stared at.

“What I want…” Seconds passed. “I don’t…know. There is no revenge to seek. No retaliation to address. How do you find answers when you’re the one who created the questions?” I stopped, taking in my words. My thoughts. “I’m the villain…but there’s no bigger evil than what lies inside me.”

“What do you mean? You’re not the villain. What happened to Jett couldn’t have been your fault.”

I didn’t respond as I stepped back, turning for the door. What had I been thinking, coming into work today? I needed to get to Braddock. To Ally. I had to get my mind right. There wasn’t time for me to space out and ponder in philosophical paranoia. And that’s what this was, wasn’t it? A tinge of doubt in the deepest, darkest parts of me? A warning to my ego? A nudge to my mission?Delusions. Delusions.No. The episode would pass once I faced the truth. This was my game, but I had to be aware of the entire picture. I couldn’t do that if I was trapped in these stupid fuckingdelusions.

“Where are you going?”

I slowed, turning to face Adrian. Where I should have told him I was going home, my words had a life of their own. I felt theaddictive pull to continue with my game. I couldn’t stop, even though I knew I should focus on more important things. “It was stupid coming in today. I’m a mess, but I can’t be alone. You have a least a few hours before you have to leave again, right?”

My arm lifted and his worry vanished as he came forward and grabbed my hand. The kiss to my lips held hesitation, but with the way my body softened, he applied more pressure. It was exactly what I needed. Where I’d always held back to a degree, this time I didn’t. Hunger blossomed, growing through my spinning mind.