Page 41 of Fervor

I smiled slightly. My mama told me that he used to talk about how special I was to his boys all the time. Ice and Joshua were the closest to him, and at a particular point in time, so was Mo. She said he used to brag about how beautiful and smart I was. When I looked in the mirror, I could see him. We all had his dark skin, me even more so. I was the darkest of the three of us.

I also had his smile. Yonkers didn’t smile a whole lot, but when it was just me and him, I cherished every time he did. Most nights, he would put me to bed. He often told me stories or read a book to me until I started reading longer ones. By the time I was seven, I wanted to read chapter books. So he started telling more bedtime stories. Once Keke was born, our time lessened,but I was old enough to understand that he had to divide his time between the two of us.

Once my sisters took their seats, Keke said, “Mama is going to come later. She said we probably needed our sisterly bonding time. She’s babysitting Brielle and Corben.”

“Okay. I need to see them before y’all go back home. How long are you staying?”

“We leave in a couple of days,” Keke responded. “I wish we could stay until you got out of here, but maybe I’ll be able to fly back in a couple of weeks to check on you.”

“I understand that y’all have lives and families to take care of. It’s okay. I’m okay. This time, I’m going to follow through.” I cleared my throat slightly. “How’s Harlem?”

“He hasn’t been here?”

“Yeah, but I want to know how he’s really doing. He’s not going to let me see him feeling any emotion other than love and strength right now.”

They looked at one another as I swallowed hard. I could tell he was hiding his true emotions. He came to visit yesterday, but he only stayed for ten or fifteen minutes. I knew this was hard for him, and I hoped he wasn’t regretting sticking this out with me. He said he loved me, and I knew true love shouldn’t have conditions, but it just happened so fast. Maybe he was feeling a strong sense of lust, and because he cared for me as well, he confused it with love,

I closed my eyes for a moment as I soaked in everything they weren’t saying. Exhaling a deep breath, I said, “Just tell me.”

“I think he’s scared.”

I opened my eyes to look at Keke. “Scared of what?”

“Losing you.” She lowered her head for a moment. “He’s quiet mostly when he’s around us. He’s been spending more time with Vegas though. So he probably knows more about his feelings. He’s not very expressive in front of us.”

I nodded. Harlem protected his sensitive side around people he didn’t know. I got that, because I did it too. A lot of times, my own family didn’t realize how sensitive I could be. Unfortunately, this incident showed just how vulnerable and weak I could get. I thought I needed space from Harlem, but I realized these past few days that it wasn’t what I needed at all. I should have known that just from the few days without him after we returned home.

I grabbed my phone from the bed table and sent him a message.Hey. I miss you. Are you coming to see me today? I need to talk to you.

He responded immediately.Hey, baby. I miss you so much. I was hoping you would reach out. I was trying to respect your healing time. Of course, I will come see you. I can be there whenever you want me to be.

There was a knock on the door as I texted,Please come now.

When Jungle and Vegas walked in, I smiled. I didn’t have any biological brothers, but those two men were my brothers. I was angry at them at first for not telling me, but I had to quickly check myself. They were only trying to protect me.

“Hey, sis. How you feeling?” Vegas asked as he leaned over and kissed my head.

“I’m okay. Thanks. How are you?”

“Good.”

Jungle didn’t say anything. He just kissed my forehead. Keke and Sasha quietly left the room as Jungle said, “I’m sorry, Nique. I knew who Harlem was when I first saw him at the club. I just didn’t want to traumatize you unnecessarily. When I found out you had gone to Arranged Hearts, I figured there was no point in saying anything. I didn’t know your first match had backed out. Harlem had told us that he’d gone there, too, but his interview was after you’d been matched. Even though y’all got a lil rowdy in the club that night, again, I figured after that, y’allwouldn’t even really be around each other like that anymore. I should have said something. When he walked in the venue at the wedding, I almost had a fit.”

He slowly shook his head. “Jungle, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. I know y’all were trying to protect me. I’m falling in love with that man. While his father was the devil himself, none of that was passed down to him. What Mo did has nothing to do with Harlem. I just didn’t know how to handle the news because after all this time, I still hadn’t healed from what Mo did. I’m determined to put that shit behind me forever.”

They both nodded. Vegas slid his hand down his face and said, “I didn’t know Mo was his father until Jungle told me, but I still knew beforehand. Like him, I didn’t want to bring that shit up if I didn’t have to. I know you saw our facial expressions and demeanors at the wedding. At that point, I felt like it was up to him to enlighten you. I didn’t think it would happen this soon though. We didn’t tell him the details of what really happened until the reception.”

“He told me that. I was angry at first, but that was because I was blaming everyone else for my breakdown instead of the person responsible. Y’all were walking on eggshells around me because you knew I was fragile when it came to that. I didn’t deal with my trauma properly. Going through therapy and counseling sessions to only do what I wanted to do anyway was a waste of my time and Doctor King’s time. I am the one responsible for my breakdown.”

“No matter how healed you are, this situation would have still been hard to deal with. Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Jungle said.

“Yeah, but it shouldn’t have nearly killed me, Jungle. I’d stopped breathing. I literally had an out-of-body experience. I saw myself dying,” I said as a tear slid down my cheek. “I have so much to live for. I have a husband who loves and cherishes me.That’s something I’ve always wanted. I can’t let what happened over thirty years ago hinder me simply because the perpetrator is biologically related to him. He barely knew him and didn’t feel one way or the other about him being killed. Had they had a close relationship, this would have probably gone a different direction.”

“No doubt about that. He knows I did it, so if they were close, either I would be locked up or one of us would be dead.”

There was a knock at the door, and I knew that was Harlem. I sat up slightly as the door opened. When he stepped inside, he had a bouquet of flowers. He closed the door and rested his back against it, staring at me like he did that night in Tahiti. I stared right back, feeling my entire body heat up. It didn’t heat up in the way it did that night. Today was different. It was like our souls were at ease. I loved sex with him, but this moment wasn’t even about that. It was deeper.

Vegas and Jungle stood, and Harlem stepped away from the door toward my bedside so they could leave out of it. He didn’t acknowledge them, and I knew it wasn’t personal. This moment was about him and me… our marriage… our unquenchable desire to be together, no matter what came our way.I love him.