Page 75 of The Bonds of Nyx
Of all the things, I hadn’t expected that. Because of Kerry’s death and trying to keep the girls happy, I’d almost forgotten about that moment in the basement when Hawk and I had stumbled across Maeve training. The memory of her anger flashed across my mind, of the sadness that had welled within me because I thoughtI’dbeen the issue there.
“I don’t think any less of you for what happened,” I replied, shaking my head. “Maeve, seriously, I thoughtI’ddone something wrong. But I never thought any different about youbecause I knew it wasn’t your fault. You can ask Hawk. He was pissed, but I defended you because I knew you wouldn’t have hurt me.”
Maeve’s eyes snapped up to meet mine, hardening. “You don’t know that, Ivy.”
But I nodded, finally taking the chance to reach for her. She let me take her hand, though I could read the hesitation in her features, the uncertainty. And I understood now that she wasn’t wary of me—she just didn’t trust herself.
“I do, though,” I whispered, offering her a soft smile. “Iknowyou wouldn’t have hurt me.”
Her eyes flickered shut, and she sucked in a breath. “I wanted to, though.” Maeve tilted her head back but didn’t pull her hand from mine. “I cannot explain that loss of control. I’dwantedto bite you. Feed from you. I rarely take from the vein, yet in that moment, it had been an all-consuming thought.” She shuddered, squeezing my hand. “I do not deserve your understanding.”
“Why not?” I asked, cocking my head. “You were perfectly in control moments ago. You’ve been in control before, apparently. I might not be well versed in all things supernatural or magical, but I can be a pretty damn good judge of character when needed, and I don’t think you would have hurt me. Which might sound naïve, but I’m also pretty powerful according to everyone else, so you wouldn’t have had the chance to do much damage, right?”
Maeve dropped her head to meet my stare. She’d closed herself off again, though her eyes were critical as she searched my face, perhaps wondering if I was lying and just telling her this to make her feel better.
But I also couldn’t explain why I wasn’t worried.
“You should be more afraid of us,” she warned. “Control can snap. With you, I can never be certain whether I am completely in control of my monster or not.”
I shrugged. “I’m not afraid of you or the team. I’ll wait to pass judgement on the others, and anyone else because you’re right. I should be afraid of them. But not you, or Elias, or Adrian, or Rowan. IknowI don’t need to be afraid of you, and I can’t explain why.”
“I cannot change your mind, can I?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Nope.”
A smile tugged at the corners of her lips, but her expression changed thoughtful as she released my hand. “I have some work I need to return to,” she said, rising from her chair. “I appreciate your understanding regarding my moment of bloodlust. I can promise it won’t happen again.” She bowed her head, and before I could say anything else, she was gone, leaving me in her office, alone with the darkness and the rainy night.
27
IVY
I TOOKthe first third of the potion with agrim smile and hope after putting the children to bed. Their night-time routines were as well-crafted as one of my infamous pancakes. So, the mess of the evening had led to another night of restless sleep cocooned between my mates.
Despite the presence of both men, the nightmares had intensified since the power surge, almost like my magic had been protecting me from the worst my mind could create. The warped figure lost its crown and head, the fleshy monster once again chased me through the forest, while twisted creatures sang for my downfall. Then I was transported back to my childhood home where I plunged a dagger into my mother’s chest, over and over again, until her blood coated my body like a second skin and until my throat was raw from screaming.
My hands shook at the memory of my nightmares. I brought the steaming mug of coffee to my lips and took a tentative sip. The scalding liquid barely made me flinch as it burned my tongue, my mind too wrapped up in last night and my conversation with Maeve the last night.
“You know, I’m worried about you,” Thea said, her voice a knife cutting through my thoughts.
I looked over at where she was curled up against the end of the couch, her knees pulled up to her chest and her feet tucked beneath her. She had her own mug of coffee wrapped in her hands, a blanket covering her lap, and a crease in her brow.
“I’m fine,” I replied automatically, taking another sip. “It’s the kids I’m worried about.”
Thea rolled her eyes. “I am capable of worrying about many things, and I am deeply troubled by your current predicament.”
I couldn’t help but frown, though I knew she was right. “What exactly are you worried about?”
She lifted a hand, curled it in a fist, before rising one finger. “Well, for starters, you have a man out there that you never told me about and are still hiding.”
“I can’t speak about him,” I replied, shaking my head. “The promise.”
She ignored that and lifted another finger. “Two: you have two fine-ass men at your beck and call, one of which you can bang whenever you want. The other keeps following you around like a lost puppy.”
I couldn’t help but stiffen as I turned towards her. “Adrian and I are taking our time. Trust me, I wish we could have completed the bond sooner. But now...” As much as I wanted Adrian, I wasn’t sure if I could abandon the girls. Not with Kerry’s death so fresh. “When Elias and I completed the bond, I needed to be with him all the time. I-I can’t do that to the kids, or to Adrian.”
Thea’s lips pursed, but that didn’t stop her from continuing. “That brings me to three: you know what it would mean if youdidscrew him, and yet you're hesitating. It would be good for you, mentally, physically, and most importantly, magically. You could give the girls your full attention again if you did finish your bond with him.”
To open my mouth and defend myself would be to admit defeat. She was right, even if I didn’t want to admit it. “I hate you.”