Page 58 of Complicated Past
“Only because you asked about your chances of getting custody if something happened to Bri. I wasn’t questioning yourcapability. I’ve seen you with Jalen. I have no doubts you’ll be a great father.”
“I may be a greatuncle, but being a father is different. I could fill in short-term, but usually, I show up and spoil him. Bri is the one carrying the responsibility—making all the decisions, getting him to appointments, working to pay the bills.”
“She’s doing great, and I have no doubt you’d also be up to the challenge.”
“I never had a role model to teach me how to be a father.”
“It sounds like Bri didn’t have much of a role model to be a mother, either. No one’s perfect. We all make mistakes. Being a parent involves learning as you go.”
“With my background, I decided years ago that marriage and family aren’t for me.”
His statement sucked the air out of her lungs along with the hope that had built over the past few days. “You’re saying you don’t want a wife and family?” It contradicted the behavior she’d witnessed the past few days.
“It’s not my plan.”
“Her lungs couldn’t draw in a full breath with the weight lodged in her chest. Tears formed as she died a little inside.
“It’s hard enough to maintain a marriage without throwing in constant deployments and reintegrations.”
“But it can be done. Look at your friend, Walt.”
“He’s on his third marriage. Mack’s on his second. And the risk of serving in Special Ops is high. I don’t want to be responsible for kids growing up without both parents in their lives.”
It sounded like a case of introjection and Linc expecting the worst outcome.
“Marriage and family is what you want, isn’t it?” he asked.
“Yes.” More than anything.
“I don’t want to come between you and your family. With their feelings about you having a relationship with a military guy, I didn’t think you’d want to take things further with me. I should have said something last night.”
“It’s not like we’re at that point in a relationship to have that discussion.” Even calling what they had a relationship was premature. She’d made assumptions based on what she’d seen in Linc with Jalen. And because it’s what she wanted. “I don’t regret what happened last night, but if we want different things, it’s better to find that out now.”
“True. I don’t want to hurt you or waste your time.”
“You didn’t do either. In fact, you gave me a piece of myself back that I needed. But I can’t make you change your mind. Staying in a relationship hoping things might be different wouldn’t be fair to either of us. Not when I know thatiswhat I want.” That he’d made her face her past and helped her deal with her sexual assault made her push him this time. “If you think you can’t have a wife and family because you aren’t worthy or don’t deserve it, thenyou’rewrong. Think about that. Accept that you can’t change the past but can move on and take control of your future. You may not see your worth, butIdo. You deserve to have the things you want in life.”
“Like I said, it’s not in my plans. And I didn’t mean to hurt or mislead you.”
“I’ll be fine.” Maybe. After a few good cries and time. Except she didn’t have time for that now. She’d bury herself in work for the next few days. When she came up for air, Linc would be gone. And take with him the temptation to reach out. Though she doubted he’d disappear from her thoughts as quickly as he would from her life.
It was eerilyquiet inside Bri’s apartment. Linc cracked open her bedroom door and let out the breath that had stalled in his lungs until he saw her and Jalen still sound asleep. Bri’s arm protectively draped over Jalen’s small frame.
“Hey J-man,” Linc touched his arm. “Time to get ready for school.”
“I want to stay with Mommy,” he muttered sleepily and rubbed a fist to his eye.
“Mommy and Grams need to go do some work with Miss Clara this morning,” Linc said, keeping his voice low. He coaxed Jalen from the bed and carried the clothes Bri had laid out for him to the living area.
While Jalen dressed and Linc assembled breakfast, Bri emerged from the bedroom.
“You didn’t have to get up yet. I’ll take him to school.”
“I wanted to spend a few minutes with him.” She sat on the kitchen chair and pulled Jalen onto her lap, playfully kissing the side of his head over and over.
His nephew’s giggles lightened Linc’s mood.
“Isn’t that the same shirt you wore yesterday?” She eyed him as he poured the egg mixture into the pan.