Page 2 of Survival
Something that pulled at a tear in my chest for an entirely different reason.
Not bothering to turn the light out if Izzy wasn’t here, I headed to my dresser, throwing on leggings, a sports bra, and a t-shirt before grabbing my favorite pair of running shoes from the closet. I finger-combed my hair a few times before throwing it up in a clip, grabbed my Airpods and phone from the dresser, and headed out of my room, keeping my footsteps as quiet as I could on the upper landing.
My heart thudded in my chest again, an errant ache flickering through me as I passed by my brother’s room. In the past, I would have gently cracked the door open to check on him, more often than not finding his arm hanging off the bed as he drooled onto his pillow.
That was no longer something I got to do. Not since that night...
But it was the door to the next room that I had to pass that really got me. Like I was no longer needed…or forgotten. It was where my sister had been choosing to sleep for months now. Away from me.
No, it’s so she can be with him. SheneedsTucker. It’s not about me.
It was something I had to remind myself of often. But tonight, well,anynight that I had that awful dream, it just hit worse.
I needed Jet.
Except, for weeks now, he hadn’t been here either.
Tonight…this morning, I corrected myself as I checked the time, no one was. It was just me, the shoes on my feet, and my music. Stuffing back the prickling behind my eyes, my nerves still on full assaulted alert, I poppedin my earbuds and stepped outside, the early dawn just breaking the horizon. I pulled in a deep breath, my lungs finally expanding enough for me to breathe in the open air.
And I ran.
It was hours I spent in my oblivion. I didn’t even feel it anymore—the pain, both emotional and physical—this was something I did so often now. My lifeline in the void that threatened to suck away the rest of my life. Time would slip past, and I’d never know, lost in the euphoria and freedom of my run.
But there was one thing that brought me back sooner today, and not wanting to be late to finally see Jet, I cut the end of my route short, my feet only slowing when they reached the sidewalk in front of my house. Rushing on my toes up the porch steps, I headed inside, the stillness and quiet an ever present ache that started over a year ago when we’d lost the first piece of our family.
I couldn’t imagine Daddy was staring happily down at us right now; things were such a royal, fucked up mess.
Stopping by the kitchen for some water, my eyes purposely avoided the stove, the new sleek black reflective glass we’d had to replace only another punch at a memory of those middle of the night hours of last New Year’s morning. Just hours into my eighteenth birthday…
My eyes closed as I downed a second bottle of water, turning away to face the three quarter island countertop that opened up to the dining area.
I grabbed one more bottle, chucking my first two in the trash as I headed for the stairs. I was coming down from my high now, and I reeked, every inch of my clothes soaked and sticking to my skin. There was no way I was making my trip to the airport like this. Unscrewing the third bottle on my way up, I took a sip as I reached the upper landing and came face to face with Tucker as he stepped out of the guest room he now shared with Izzy.
He ran a hand back through his sandy blonde strands and dragged it down over his face, clearly still trying to wake up, then jolted when he saw me standing there.
“Shit, Annie,” he grumbled. “You startled me.”
“Gotta get something right today, don’t I?” I snarked, my steps now halted as his massive form filled the space.
He gave me a funny look, obviously still too tired to participate in our usual banter. Or maybe mine was off. Had it even made sense?
“You’re up early.” He shut the bedroom door, and I frowned before popping a shoulder in a shrug.
“Couldn’t sleep. Izzy’s still out?” I jerked my head in a tilt towards the guest room.Izzy’s room? Theirs?I didn’t even know. It was just weird.
Tucker nodded. “Yeah, she didn’t pass out until almost one last night and then jolted awake again a few minutes before six. She just went back to sleep. I’d stay and make sure she sleeps okay, but I’ve got a shift today.”
I nodded, the mention of Izzy jolting awake at that time bringing a speck of hope and happiness to my heart. Before I remembered that she hadn’t realizedwhyshe’d woken up. Just months ago, she’d have been by my side in a heartbeat.
“What time do you have to head out? Today’s the big day, right? Jet’s coming back?” Tucker asked, bringing me back, and this time, I couldn’t help the smile that split my face.
I rolled my eyes playfully at him for asking. He knew as well as I did. “Yes. Thank God. I’m just gonna clean up, run to the grocery store to stock up for the week, and then go. I always thought dance camp was rough with Izzy gone, but these two weeks have been brutal.”
Tucker gave me an understanding smile, his eyes softening, making me wonder how much of what I tried to hide he saw now that he was halfway living here, especially now that my emotions were ramped up with Jet gone.
But he’s about to be back. Today!Tingles shot up my body in anticipation, my feet itching to move. I bounced on my heels a couple of times, and Tucker grinned.
“I’m gonna head out.” He ran his hand back through his hair again, tossing me that cocky playful smirk of his as he gave me a knowing look. “Have fun.”