Page 121 of Accepting Fate
Mike may be paying more attention than I care to admit. He hasn’t left another note and every day that passes makes my anxiety worse. Every night I wake up screaming from a nightmare. It’s like the minute he came back, all the memories that I suppressed deep down started clawing their way out.
Grayson has been perfect. He holds me for hours after the nightmares that turn into panic attacks. He has been begging me to sleep on his chest so I can feel safe, but I’m terrified I’m going to accidentally punch him in the face, so I haven’t.
This situation is really fucking shitty but seeing how Grayson has responded has been very assuring. I, for sure, thought he was going to be walking on eggshells around me, but he hasn’t. He has treated me the same way as he did before he knew everything.
My heart melted when I walked into the living room the other day and saw him looking up ‘how to help a person during a panic attack’. The fact that this man took the time to research better ways to help me during something I used to hide confirms that I was meant to be with this man for the rest of my life.
This morning, he woke me up with breakfast in bed and sang me happy birthday. That man is fucking gorgeous, but he sounds like a dying cat singing. I busted out laughing and it was the first time since the note appeared that I felt a semblance of happiness.
He even put a tiny birthday hat on Oliver but that lasted all of five seconds before he batted it off and crawled in my lap. This orange fluff ball has been attached to me at the hip since the day I moved in. With my panic attacks and PTSD being triggered multiple times a day, it’s nice having him there to lay on my chest.
Grayson's surprise wasn’t the first of the day. Shelly and Conrad stopped over before work and brought me flowers and a badge reel that had Oliver’s face on it. I loved it and immediately swapped it with the Otter one Allie bought me last year.
In all the chaos, I completely forgot to send Allie her t-shirt. I texted her that I was going to send it out soon, but I never heard back from her. I think when this is all over, I’m going to brave my first trip back across the country to check on her. She is still acting a little odd and I need to be there for my best friend.
Despite all the continuous tense energy surrounding me right now, having Grayson and his parents do something special for me today means the world.
In the past, Harper and I would have a girls' night in. The idea of going to a bar never felt right. It is my birthday, but it is also the anniversary of my mom’s death. I have never had to explain this to H because we have either been working on my actual birthday or we are too exhausted to put effort into going out so staying in was our first pick.
This year, H has gone all out. She and Laura decorated the nurse’s lounge with balloons and a big happy birthday banner. We have been busy, but the girls still managed to get cupcakes and dinner delivered. My favorite doctor surprised us all by showing up with a big box of cookies that were shaped like otters. I have a feeling it was the work of his wife who is also my second favorite doctor. She is an OBGYN on the labor and delivery floor. But it was still so nice to have all my amazing work friends be so sweet today. All of it has taken my mind off the constant fear and panic.
As I walk out of the ER, Ms. Nancy stops me and waves me over. She is sporting bright blue hair today and I love it.
"Happy Birthday. Don’t tell the others.” She reaches under the desk, and I lean over, curious what treat it will be this year. Last year, it was snickerdoodles, and I ate the entire dozen as soon as I got home that night.
Ms. Nancy looks up at me through her glasses and shakes her head. “You spoiled girl.”
I give her a big smile and point to what she is hiding. “Gimme, gimme.”
Rolling her eyes, she pulls out a blue storage container and pops open the lid.
My mouth instantly starts watering at the sight of the chocolate fudge. She closes the lid before I have the chance to grab one and hands it to me.
“Thank you! I can't–" My phone vibrating in my scrub pocket distracts me. Setting the container on the counter, I pull my phone out and see Grayson’s handsome face. A smile spreads across my mouth, and I look at Ms. Nancy to finish thanking her.
She waves me off. "Go. Your man is waiting. See you when you get back from vacation, sweetie.”
"Thank you!” I say before answering my phone and heading out the front door.
"Hey, Bear.”
"Hi, Angel. I’m running a little late.” He sounds frustrated.
Inside the first set of sliding glass doors, I stop. "I’m walking out now. Do you want me to head home or wait?”
My guard is up, and I scan the dark parking lot before stepping out the door.
"Wait there. I have a surprise for you.”
Speed walking to the Jeep, I try to remain as calm as possible so that if he is watching,he doesn’t see that he is getting to me.
I try focusing on Grayson as I reach the last few steps to my car. "A surprise? Is it a puppy?”
"Not telling. How was your day?”
Finally reaching the Jeep, I go to unlock it when I hear footsteps approaching behind me.
"Hi, Princess.”