Page 94 of Ho Ho Oh No
One of her cheeks quivers with her suppressed smile. She refocuses on the drunk wonders in front of us and the room full of holly-jolly insanity. “We’re here because Sammy just had her twins. A boy and a girl. Happy and healthy. I held little Logan. He’s adorable, smells lovely, and was named after a good man instead of a horrible cartoon character. Lucky kid.”
She pauses her ramble to suck in a deep breath, then keeps on. “Now, why are you here with the rest of the heathens? Did someone need their stomach pumped? And if so, why did that result in everyone else coming along? And shouldn’t you be in the ER instead of the labor and delivery unit?”
Millie narrows her eyes at Sue, responding with irrelevant nonsense. “Your lips are glittery. So pretty.” She whips her gaze toward me, rising to her tiptoes for a better view of my face. “And you have glitter in your beard.”
Sue grips Millie by her upper arms, giving her a tiny shake. “That doesn’t answer my question. Focus, Mills. Why are you here?”
“Why are you glittered?” Millie’s eyes swoop up and down Sue’s body, finally noticing her costume. “Oh. You’re an adorable pregnant snowman lady person.”
Rolling out her lip, Sue begs him for answers with just his name and a pleading tone. “Nicky?”
Heattemptsan explanation, getting us only a little closer to understanding. “CJ and Archer are going to be parents.”
My angel and I trade confused glances. Her upper lip is curled, making her look beyond kissable.
I lean to the side, seeking out Millie’s sister among the masses. Last time I checked, CJ wasn’t pregnant. And unless they have a time machine, I don’t know how that would be possible. Once I lock in on her, I confirm she’s the same size.
I point in her direction. “CJ doesn’t look pregnant.”
Millie loudly interjects, “They’re adoptioning.” She holds her hands in front of her about a foot apart. “A new, tiny baby.”
Even with her drunk grammar, we finally get the idea.
“Was this a sudden decision?” Sue’s tone holds thinly veiled disappointment, and I wonder if she’s feeling left out.
Despite being intoxicated, Nick detects the motive behind Sue’s question. “Don’t take it personally, Susie Q. The situation presented itself only recently. There wasn’t a lot of time for the news to spread.”
In the background, I notice CJ trying to drag Archer away from the circle of Redleg guards. He used to serve in the Army, so he goes way back with a lot of us.
Millie bustles her way between Sue and me, tucking her arms around our elbows. “Let’s say hi to everyone. Forward!”
We start walking where she’s trying to lead us, but she stumbles a few times, thus explaining why Nick was carrying her.
She is shit-faced.
“Are you always schnockered on Christmas Eve, Millie?” I ask.
“Amos-hole holiday game night. Cara’s fault.”
Sue quips, “I’ll pretend that made sense or answered the question.”
Sue’s tolerance for drunk people is only slightly better than a bouncer’s.
I wink at her over Millie’s head. It’s not hard to do since Millie is roughly half my height.
We pass by Archer and CJ, and they’re both beaming. She’s managed to get him away from the gang.
When he sees me, he waves. “Lionheart! Hey, man. Happy?—”
Cutting him off, CJ blurts, “Hi, Leo. Hi, Sue. Happy Holidays. Can’t talk right now. We’re going to meet our new baby now before they give her to someone else.”
“Her? It’s a girl!” Millie jumps, bubbling over with excitement. “I hope they name her after me.”
We seem to be heading toward Cort and Amber, which should be entertaining. They’re talking to Jonesy and Aaron.
“Lookie who I found!” Millie singsongs.
Cort Amos, Millie’s brother, gives me an enthusiastic head tip. He has his newborn daughter in some type of harness-sling contraption. It keeps her tucked close to his chest while allowing him to use his hands. Nice.