Page 26 of Stolen Thorn Bride
“If only that were true,” he said soberly. “In reality, we are born, we train, we fight, and we die. Holding the wraiths at bay costs us many young lives. Warriors do not live long enough to gain the skill they need to survive. And it has been going on for a century. We protect the heart of our lands, but we make no gains, and our hope is dying along with our youth.”
The horror of it struck her then, and Kasia was forced to step back and reassess her opinion of this man—this elf she was married to. He was no spoiled noble, whining about his lost love, resenting her presence in his otherwise perfect existence.
His pain was all too real—all too deep. And suddenly, Kasia felt like an intruder in a world that was far too big for her.
She wanted to go home—to her own small life, her small house, and her small burdens. How could she complain of caring for her siblings when there were others who bore the weight of their entire kingdom’s survival on their shoulders?
In some ways, she could almost understand that long ago queen’s decision. And yet, even this sudden surge of compassion could not stand in the way of her determination to return home.
Her family needed her, and this world did not.
But in the face of this information, Kasia realized that she might have to bide her time. She’d thought of simply waiting until Dechlan slept and slipping away, banking on his resentment to aid her escape. If he didn’t want her in the first place, he likely wouldn’t try very hard to find her or stop her. But now…
For him, this was about his people’s safety. Even if she might be angry with their methods, she could also understand his determination to protect his kingdom. As uncomfortable as it made her to note any similarities between them, it was not so different from her own determination to protect her siblings.
“I’m sorry for your losses,” she said quietly, darting a quick glance across the fire to find him staring into the flames. “But I cannot apologize for much more than that. It frightens me to know of the existence of these wraiths, but we cannot be sorry for leaving you to fight them alone when the reality of what you face has been hidden from us.”
“There is nothing you could have done,” Dechlan said soberly. “Nothing but die.”
That seemed a bit harsh. “And how do you know?” she asked, stung on humanity’s behalf. “I thought your healer said that the wraiths injure a part of you no medicine can reach. The part we humans, apparently, don’t have.” An oddly bitter thought—that she was somehow inferior to the snooty but gorgeous elves. “What if humans are exactly what you need to help in your fight against them?”
Dechlan lifted his gaze from the flames to regard her grimly, and Kasia had to remind her heart to start beating again. The shadows were kind to him—almost as kind as the light—and it was difficult to decide which version was the more breathtaking. Sad and yet stern, he was like something out of a story she would not have believed was real had she not lived it for herself.
“And how would you fight them?” he asked flatly. “Even if you could find humans willing to throw themselves to their deaths, all that would be gained is more death. And even if it came about that the wraiths could not harm them, then neither could the humans do harm in return. Wraiths must be fought with magic as well as steel.”
Magic. Mages, perhaps? But Kasia saw little point in continuing to argue. She could not solve all the world’s problems, only commit herself to the one small corner of the world that needed her the most.
“Then perhaps,” she said soberly, “the best thing I can do under the circumstances is assure you that I don’t mean to be a burden. You have enough of those, and I will attempt not to add to their weight.”
Dechlan added another log to the fire before replying. “And I, in turn, will offer my promise that I have no intention of holding you to any traditional expectations. Do not trouble yourself with fears or apprehensions that we will function like other bondmates, or that I will make demands on your time or—” he paused as if searching for a word—“your person.”
Kasia blushed hot and hoped the shadows would hide it. She’d carefully avoided considering whether he might expect intimacy from her, and to hear him state his intentions so clearly was a relief.
Still, there was a tiny, irrational sting of rejection, and it irritated her to realize it was there.
“Then perhaps you should tell me what expectations youdohave,” she said, wincing when she heard how peevish she sounded. She shouldn’t blame him for not wanting to spend time with her, but hearing him say it so bluntly was different than imagining his feelings on the subject.
“I’ve not given it much thought,” was his reply. “But your life should be an easy one.” He threw her a meaningful glance. “Never again will you find it necessary to sleep on a bare floor. You will have all that you need, and be honored by all in the Northwatch as the one who restored me when I was lost.”
That sounded rather horrible, actually, but rather than complain, she settled back, wrapped her arms around her knees, and chose a question.
“What exactly is this Northwatch?”
Her query seemed to put him far more at ease than the previous topic. “It is the region of Sion Dairach closest to the wraith’s incursion. Our kingdom is divided into watches, each one defended by a Rian and his retainers.” At her puzzled look, he explained further. “A Rian is essentially a king in his own domain. Once, Sion Dairach was composed of many tiny kingdoms, each with its own Rian. Now, we have been unified under a King who rules all Dairen elves, but the title of Rian remains hereditary—my family has defended the Northwatch for centuries.”
Beware of kings.It seemed Gianessa’s warning had been more comprehensive than Kasia had originally supposed.
“It sounds as though your people are accustomed to a lifestyle of war.”
“Yes.” It was simply a fact to him.
“Then why”—Kasia’s eyes were probably shooting sparks, but she did not care—“would you suggest that I aspire to a life of ease and comfort in the midst of such a place? Do you think me so helpless that it’s all I am fit for?” Her words were sharp, and she did not regret it.
His response was equally sharp, probably with frustration. “What would you have me say, Kasia? That I intend you to live as a warrior, to take the place of the woman I lost?” A sneer crossed his lips, half agony, half derision. “Aureann trained to fight almost since she learned to walk. You cannot hope to gain such skills without a lifetime in which to learn. Or do you suggest I use you as a drudge? That I involve you in this war until you are worn down by fear and grief and pointless wishing for an end that will never come?”
Kasia rose to her feet and regarded him across the fire, hurt in ways she did not quite understand herself.Aureann.She suspected that name would haunt her for the rest of her life.
“I don’t want to bekept, Dechlan. I don’t want to justlive. I’ve been taken away from everything that matters to me. Everything I’ve fought for, my whole life, is gone. And now, you propose to give me nothing in return—nothing to fight for, nothing to live for. I’m not asking you for love or anything else I’m aware you cannot give. But I do want purpose. And I’m not going to let you take that away from me for the sake of your own misguided conscience.”