Page 72 of In Darkness Forged
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When recalling it later, Aislin always felt that her return to where she’d left Tal was the most terrifying portion of her entire journey.
The magic in the dagger waned, leaving barely enough light to see her hands in front of her. The dark tunnel yawned behind her, and the Queen’s warning echoed in her ears—the aranthas might come after her at any moment, and any left in these tunnels would not hesitate to attack.
Despite the chill of the cave, sweat beaded on Aislin’s neck and chest, trickling uncomfortably down her spine. The sick ache of apprehension in her stomach warred with the fluttering thrill of hope, and together they made her feel like vomiting, but she hadn’t eaten in… who even knew how long?
She could not let Tal die. Even if he walked away from her the moment their quest was finished. Even if he was angry with her for bargaining away everything they’d come for.
Hopefully, Vanadar would still grant Tal what he’d promised. After all, he’d made separate bargains with the both of them.
But why waste her worry on the future when she didn’t even know whether Tal was alive?
By the time she stumbled back into the cavern where she’d left him, only the faintest glow remained in the delicate silver tracery on the dagger’s blade. She’d fallen so many times, her trousers were ripped and stained with blood from the shredded skin of her knees.
But still, she staggered forward, mingled hope and fear making her light-headed as she finally caught sight of Tal’s prone form, lying motionless on the cold cavern floor just as she’d left him.
He’d not been carried off as a meal for some faceless monster.
Aislin knelt beside him, trembling so violently she could hear her teeth chattering and could barely peel her fingers back where they clenched around the precious vial. She was shaking too hard to even feel for a pulse, and if he was breathing, it was too shallow for her to detect.
Fear swallowed her like a live thing, its razor teeth shredding the tattered remains of her heart as it gulped her down. But she refused to let it win.
Binding her terror with ruthless strength of will, she steadied her hands, unstoppered the vial, and held it over Tal’s lips. With one hand, she cupped the back of his head and lifted, and when his mouth fell slack, she tipped a single shimmering golden drop past his lips before lowering his head to the floor.
His face did not change. Aislin restoppered the vial and stowed it deep in the pack for safekeeping, and still, he did not move. His chest did not rise and fall, and his eyes did not open. She placed her fingers on his neck and felt only the icy smoothness of his skin—no flutter of blood beneath the surface, no warmth to indicate life.
And then the last of the magic in the dagger finally died, plunging the entire cavern into darkness and extinguishing the last fitful embers of Aislin’s hope.
She’d gone on for so long, dragging herself forward on the strength of her desperation, but it had taken her as far as it could go. She was exhausted, bleeding from wounds of both the body and the heart, having driven herself beyond all limitations of her endurance. And now, after surviving such unimaginable horrors, she’d failed at what mattered most.
Whatever version of her eventually left this cave, it would be a broken and defeated one. Yes, she would go on, because it would feel like a betrayal to give up when she was this close. The surface was not far, and she could probably find her way out of the cave in time. Might even be able to find a road and make her way back to the settlement.
But she would leave here knowing that Tal was dead because of her.
Had she not come on this mad quest, he might yet be languishing in the night elves’ dungeon, but at least he would be alive. At least there would be hope.
But with Tal lying still as death on the cave floor, all of her efforts felt like the bitterest failure, and in her weariness and grief, Aislin could no longer hold the tears at bay.
Sobs rose up, cutting like knives as they forced their way out, and when she could no longer choke them back, she lowered her head to Tal’s chest and let them take her.
In the silent darkness of the cavern, she mourned for them both—for the pain of Tal’s losses that had never healed, for his final sacrifice, and for the innocent determination she’d carried into the darkness like a torch, only to leave it behind forever.
“Why did you do it?” she whispered, to herself as much as Tal. “Why did you risk so much?”
But there would never be an answer.
With her eyes burning and her throat raw from crying, Aislin knew it was time to go on. She could not dishonor his sacrifice so completely as to stay.
Clenching her teeth against the pain, she pushed to her knees and reached into the pack for the last bit of light that remained.
That one tiny drop of venom gave off the faintest golden glow, but in the ultimate darkness of the cave, it was enough.
She left Tal’s sword at his side, but kept the dagger. Brushing a strand of hair away from his face, she bent down and pressed trembling lips to his forehead.
“You will never be forgotten,” she murmured. “And I will do everything I can to save Cuan.” And then, because she could no longer justify clinging to any remaining shreds of cowardice, she went on. “Even though it is far too late and I should have told you so much sooner, I believe you’re the most honorable, decent man I’ve ever known.”
He’d tried so hard to hide behind that grim, unyielding exterior, but he could not hide his heart. Not when his actions said everything his lips could not.