Page 14 of Shattered Trinket

“How could I have been so stupid?” I whisper with a frown, not really to him, but to myself, because it’s the question that keeps me up most nights.

At every turn, I’m reminded that Victor wore a carefully crafted mask in the beginning, never letting a crack break through until he knew he had me right where he wanted me. But I also know now that my instincts were trying to warn me anytime I was around him. I just didn’t know that’s what the feeling in my stomach had been. I never stood a chance, being so naïve about alphas and so clueless about my new to me designation.

“You’re not stupid, and I don’t want to hear you say that about yourself again!” Micah growls, grabbing my attention as I look up at him with wide eyes at the change in his demeanor.

He’s not angry at me, I don’t think. And maybe angry isn’t the right word, but… something. Calling myself stupid hit a nerve in him, but I don’t understand why.

Micah closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before opening them again, his golden-brown irises softening when he sees howstartled I am at his outburst. He gives me a sheepish look before clearing his throat.

“I’m sorry. I’m not upset with you, I just… I don’t enjoy hearing you call yourself names. You’re not stupid, Cozy.” He sighs, running his fingers through his hair. “If it wasn’t you Victor had found, it would have been another omega and instead of you, it would be them sitting here with me, going through exactly what you are. Or maybe not. Maybe they wouldn’t have survived, and they’d be one more omega sitting on a slab in the morgue below us, their life snuffed out by Victor Travis, Omega Killer. But you survived. Was it pure luck? Was there a reason he kept you alive when others before and during you weren’t so lucky? We won’t ever really know, but here’s what I do know. You survived for a year in the clutches of a notorious serial killer that targeted omegas specifically to torture and eventually kill. You were hurt in ways no human being, but especially an omega, should have ever been hurt, and conditioned to believe the lies he filled your head with, conditioned to do certain things that you shouldn’t have ever had to do. But you endured. You survived while he’s gone forever.”

Resting back in his chair, he raises an eyebrow ever so slightly, his eyes sparkling with intensity, and his tone becoming more serious.

“So, tell me, who do you think was the winner in the end? The man laying six feet under after an omega took him down—the thing he seemed to hate most—or the brave omega that adapted to survive and came out victorious, if a little banged up with some things she needs to work through?”

The weight of his words hits me, and I can feel my pale cheeks reddening as I attempt to wrap my head around his perspective, but unable to move past his perception of my courage. The compliment he so casually threw my way has caught me offguard and is the sole cause of the embarrassing flush rapidly spreading across my cheeks and down my throat.

“Cozy?”

“Hmm?”

Micah raises his brow even higher, his lips twitching as he tries to hold back a smile.

“Who is the survivor? The one still standing here today, talking with me and working to get back everything that can be recovered after he stole it from you, or the one in a grave?”

I scrunch my nose, understanding what he’s saying, just not wanting to admit that it’s me. But if I don’t answer, the session won’t continue and I’m not ready to leave yet, even if I’d rather stick pins in my eyes, elbows, and knees to avoid talking more about what I went through.

“Me. It’s me, I’m the survivor,” I finally choke out, wondering if I say it enough that eventually I’ll be able to say it without choking on the words.

Pride emanates from Micah’s honey brown eyes as he nods, his gaze lingering on mine. He puffs his cheeks out, momentarily lost in thought as he glances down at his notepad.

“Do you want to try talking some more about it today? Maybe tell me about when you met him, and why you think you should have realized sooner that you were in danger?” he asks me softly, almost hesitantly, like he’s afraid to push or learn the true extent of what I was put through thanks to Victor’s depravity.

I want to say no. Want to tell him I’m not ready to talk about it, but… I don’t. Because I’ll never get better if I continue to hide from confronting these demons.

Instead of facing him, I turn my head and gaze out the window, my eyes searching for solace in the serene beauty of the clear blue sky, knowing that I need to find strength within myself to confront the past. I struggle to articulate my thoughtsas I prepare to reopen the painful wound within me, aware of the growing infection that needs to be cleansed.

Reminding myself that this time, it’ll be on my terms, and that I won’t be thrust into the memories against my will helps marginally. I take a deep breath. The first step to finally healing and getting myself better is by talking about what I endured instead of continuing to bottle it up so it can continue to rot and fester inside of me, contaminating every cell in my being the longer I hold on to it all. It’s time that I take back the control that I’d lost when I learned to stop fighting and to do as I was told for fear of Victor’s punishments.

I let out a heavy sigh and decide to start from the very beginning, each memory resurfacing with a clarity that matches the day mine and Victor’s paths intertwined as I stare outside, my voice quiet, barely above a whisper.

“As luck would have it, Victor made an unexpected stop in the small town I lived in only a month after I’d perfumed for the first time. It seemed almost too perfect—me, finding out I’m an omega later in life, and suddenly a strange alpha comes to town, smelling like saltwater and sand, reminding me of carefree summers spent on the sandy shores of the beach a few hours south of where I grew up. His scent wasn’t completely unpleasant, and he seemed nice enough at first. As someone who had never come across an alpha before, aside from those who were old enough to be my grandparents, he matched my preconceived notions of what I imagined an alpha would be like based on what little I’d learned about them after perfuming. He’d been just charming enough when I met him, the carefully constructed mask he’d put in place when he saw me solid and unbreakable. And although his scent didn’t seem completely right for me, I eventually caved and accepted his invitation for a date just to put an end to his relentless asking.”

I frown down at my lap, picking at my nails as flashes of those early days take hold. All of my memories that include Victor are horrible, but the memories of those early days are somehow the worst. Reliving them now that I actually know the outcome only serves to frustrate me even more.

“Despite feeling a little uncomfortable and out of my depth around him, we went to dinner, and it was okay. Nothing about it felt… like what I’d thought it would. There weren’t any sparks, and I didn’t feel inexplicably drawn to him like I thought I should have. He mostly kept the conversation going by telling me about his work and where he was from, giving me this impeccably polished version of himself, but I can hardly remember any of what he said because I hadn’t really been interested. For the entire date, all I wanted to do was go home and curl up in the makeshift nest I’d made for myself in my closet.”

I snort, shaking my head when I remember how badly I’d been itching to flee back home and bury myself in the many blankets and quilts I’d acquired for myself over the years. I’d tried to seem interested in what Victor had talked about, but I was so lost in my head for the majority of that date, imaginings of soft, plush pillows and warm, cozy blankets consuming my thoughts.

“When the night was over, I figured we’d go our separate ways, and I wouldn’t see him again. It’s what I’d hoped for, because nothing about him really interested me, made me want to spend more time with him, and since I hardly spoke during our dinner, I assumed he would lose interest. Instead, he was even more persistent. It’s something I would have admired if I hadn’t constantly felt so off when he was around.”

Rolling my eyes, I huff and glare out the window, my lips pursing. It had quickly gotten annoying with how often he’d find me when I was out, always asking for another date no matter how many times or ways I’d say no.

“The longer he was in Shadow Creek—the more he chased after me no matter my rejections—the more I wondered if I wasn’t being completely fair to him by not giving him a real chance. Especially when I had nearly everyone in town whispering in my ear that I couldn’t exactly afford to be too picky considering how slim my options were. His scent was calming enough that I was willing to at least give it another try, to really pay attention and attempt to get to know him. I didn’t know when I’d get the chance to meet another alpha—something everyone in town seemed to keep reminding me—since I’d been putting off leaving the only place I’d ever known. So, I pushed past the uncomfortable feeling I got in my stomach, hoping that, if nothing else, maybe I could at least learn more about alpha and omega dynamics. Maybe if I’d stopped being so afraid of leaving home, afraid of trying somewhere different, the wheels of fate would have been kinder to me.”

My voice gradually gets lower until I’m whispering the last sentence as I bite my lip, aggravated that I can’t go back in time to tell myself to listen to that feeling I’d kept ignoring. To warn myself to run as fast and far away as possible.

I exhale, rubbing my eyes with my thumb and pointer finger, because this is why I feel so stupid.