Page 14 of Unhinged Alphas

"I'm not lost," I say, my voice cold and hard as stone. "I know exactly what I am. And what I'm not."

Plague is silent for a long moment, his hidden gaze fixed on my face. I don't have to see his pale blue eyes behind those amber lenses to know he's looking at me. Then, at length, he gives a soft sigh. "And what is that, Ivy? What are you not?"

Yours. Theirs. Anyone's.

The words burn on my tongue, sharp and acrid. But I swallow them back, forcing them down like bile. "I'm not someone who needs coddling," Isay instead, digging my fingers into the paper. "I'm not a pet to be kept and pampered. I'm a survivor. And I'll do whatever it takes to stay that way."

Plague nods, a slow dip of his chin. "I know you will," he says, his voice soft and sad. "But surviving isn't the same as living, Ivy. And you deserve more than just scraping by. You deserve to be happy. To be loved."

Love.

I recoil as if he's struck me, my heart slamming against my ribs. The word is foreign, incomprehensible. A fairy tale, a dream for softer creatures.

"I don't need love," I rasp, my throat tight and aching. I look away bitterly. "I don't need any of you. I just need to be left alone."

"If that's what you want," he says, his voice resigned. "But we're here, Ivy. All of us. And we're not going anywhere. Not unless you tell us to."

I stare at him, an invisible hand tightening around my throat. It's a promise. One I somehow know he means with every fiber of his being.

But it's a promise I can't accept. A vow I can't allow myself to believe in.

Because if I do, if I let myself trust in their devotion, their protection... I'll break. I'll shatter into amillion jagged pieces, and I'll never be able to put myself back together again.

So I do the only thing I can.

I harden myself and push him away.

I push themallaway, with every ounce of strength and stubborn will I possess.

"Are we done here?" I ask, my voice flat and cold.

Plague hesitates, his fingers drumming against his thigh. "Actually, there's one more thing we need to discuss."

Something in his tone makes my stomach clench. I've learned to read the subtle shifts in his body language, even with the mask hiding his face. Right now, he's radiating discomfort.

"What is it?" I ask, wariness creeping into my voice.

He clears his throat, an oddly human sound coming from behind that inhuman mask. "Your heat was... unexpected. The chances of there being a…complicationfrom not using protection are lower if it was your first time, but there's always a risk that in the future…"

He trails off, and I feel the blood drain from my face as realization dawns.

"That what?" I croak, even though I already know. Even though the possibility has been lurkingin the back of my mind since we returned, a nightmare I've been desperately trying to ignore.

Plague sighs, his shoulders slumping slightly. "Well, let's just say pregnancy is a risk."

The word hits me like a physical blow out loud.

"I don't know how much they told you at the Center," Plague continues, his voice gentling. "But when an omega in heat is knotted, there's always a chance?—"

"I know where babies come from," I snap, cutting him off.

He holds up his hands in a placating gesture. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply... I just wanted to make sure you understood the situation."

I nod jerkily, not trusting myself to speak.

Of course I understand. I've always understood. It's why I fought so hard against my designation, why I seared off my own mark. Because being an omega means being vulnerable. It means being at the mercy of your own biology, a slave to instincts beyond your control.

It's not that I never want children. I don't know what I want. I've never had the chance to figure that out.