Page 6 of Keeping Lilith

“What game are you playing now, si—I mean, Julian.” She hated that she’d defaulted immediately to how she had been trained to refer to men her whole life. It didn’t matter that she’d caught herself. She’d believed Julian had power over her when he didn’t.

“No game. I’m here to help.”

Lilith laughed at that. “You? Help? This really is a joke. I’m going to walk out there and find out that everything has been an elaborate production put on by The Great Sir Staunton to make sure we all keep kowtowing to him.”

A flash of pity flared in Julian’s eyes before he blinked, and it was gone. He may have tried to hide it, but she’d seen it. He thought she was pathetic. That she’d been so desperate and stupid, she’d fallen in with a cult again.

Did he think she enjoyed being a subservient to the male species of the world? Hell no, she didn’t. All she’d wanted was a better opportunity to improve her life and believed the flyershe’d found would give her a job that would help her improve her financial situation. Instead, she’d ended up right back where she’d started when she’d been a two-year-old and her parents believed whatever rubbish Ralph Williamson had fed them. They’d never told her how they’d ended up in Freedom and Love, just that Ralph gave them hope life would be better living in the compound.

“It’s not a show. This is real. You’re free to walk out this door and do what you were doing before you came here.”

But how was working two jobs for minimum wage any better than what she’d been doing here, getting paid nothing? And could she believe him when he said the badge was real? “Is that all you wanted to say? Because if so, you can leave now.”

“Do you have somewhere to go?” Julian asked softly.

Considering she hadn’t paid her rent for a year on the crappy apartment she’d lived in, the answer to that question would be no. And she really didn’t want to go to wherever the FBI was sending everyone. After what had happened earlier, the idea of being around any of the women wasn’t one she wanted to consider.

“I’ll find something.” If she was going to stop relying on people, men in particular, then she wouldn’t be asking Julian for his help. As it was, she still didn’t quite trust him. How could she, when she’d seen firsthand how he could be? How he could not only believe the crap Ralph sprouted, but actually put it into action. Granted,it was a few years ago, and if he was working for the FBI, surely he would’ve had to go through various tests and psych analysis for him to be accepted.

Then again, after living at Freedom and Love for as long as he had, he was probably the master of fooling people into believing anything he said.

Lilith tensed as she heard the scuff of boots coming onto the small porch of her hut. Was this the moment when she’d be dragged back to the house?

Nope. Not happening. She didn’t care if she got beaten to a pulp. She wouldn’t be quiet and go along with everything.

“You good here, Julian?”

It sounded like Irish. If Irish was talking to him, that had to mean Julian hadn’t lied to her.

“I am, but Lilith needs assistance. Can you help her?”

What? Julian wasn’t going to stay and tell her what she was supposed to do?

Maybe he had changed, but for Lilith, it was hard to grasp, especially after what she’d endured the last year. She didn’t trust herself. Didn’t trust what her mind was telling her.

Irish looked at Julian. There appeared to be a silent conversation going on between them, which fascinated Lilith. She’d seen nothing like it because even though the men had power over the women in the commune, the men wouldn’t dare hold Staunton’s gaze. He would’ve seen it as a challenge to his position and squashed it immediately.

“Are you sure?” Irish asked.

Julian glanced over at her, and she did what she hadn’t done once in the last year. She met his gaze head on. “Yes, she’ll feel safer with you than me.”

“Why is that?” Irish glanced between her and Julian, as if he was trying to solve a puzzle.

“Because he’s an ass, and I don’t trust him,” Lilith interjected, needing to remind the two men that she was in the room. Surprising that she felt like she could butt into their conversation, when only a few hours ago the thought would’ve had her stomach churning with anxiety.

“Julian, care to elaborate?”

“Long story, Irish. Let’s just say Lilith and I have a past.”

“Right,” Irish said as he made a move to walk into the house but paused. “Is it okay if I come in?”

How was it that both these men asked her that question? Was that part of their silent conversation?

Lilith mentally scoffed. There was no possible way they’d had a discussion using their minds. Still, she appreciated the gesture. “Yes.”

Irish crossed the threshold, and she was surprised when Julian stayed where he was. Again, another sign that perhaps he’d changed. “Is there anything you want to take with you, Lilith?”

She could easily imagine what both men were seeing as they looked at her hut. They would see a place no bigger than a standard-sized room with her cot tucked into the corner and her threadbare rug in the middle of the dirt floor. There was no bathroom. If she had to go, she visited the communal toilet, which was nothing more than a sizeable hole in the ground over the rise behind her hut. Nothing remotely personal existed in her space. Initially,she’d collected some blooms from the plants she tended and had dried them, putting them in the cracks in the walls to make it look pleasant. But after a month, she hated seeing the lifeless flowers and had thrown them away.