Page 108 of Guilty Mothers

The air in the room had suddenly become charged. All three of them looked from one to the other.

‘Of course it’s fucking necessary,’ Tony bellowed from the other side of the room. ‘She won’t be happy until she knows every last detail about us. Tell her whatever you want. I don’t fucking care any more,’ he said before storming out of the room.

His footsteps thundered up the stairs.

A distraught Toyah looked imploringly at her father.

‘Go,’ he said, waving her out of the room.

Mr Shaw took a seat as Kim wondered what the hell had just happened.

She waited.

Mr Shaw sighed heavily. ‘I didn’t tell you the whole truth the other day. I told you that Andrea got more and more into the whole thing and so did Toyah. She loved every minute of it. The events were always held at weekends, and I was normally working, so Tony had to tag along. Neither of us had any close relatives to babysit, and Tony didn’t have many school friends.’

For some reason, Kim wasn’t surprised.

‘Tony hated every minute of it. He wasn’t great with crowds of people, and he didn’t like being the only boy around. Even some of the other moms used to tease him.

‘As Andrea got more and more involved, she wouldn’t even listen when I tried to tell her that Tony was suffering. She wouldn’t hear it. She insisted that when Tony found something he was passionate about, she’d be just as enthusiastic. Over time things got worse. Not only did the pageants take over our weekends, but weekdays were taken up with learning and practising new routines. From that point on, Tony didn’t get a look-in. He literally spent no time with his mom. He withdrew even more due to the arguments between me and her, but I couldn’t make her see that he needed her.’ He paused to take a breath. ‘And then when he was fourteen years old, he tried to take his own life.’

Kim shook her head. The young man was far more troubled than she’d thought.

‘I found him. He’d taken tablets. I’m still not sure if it was a serious attempt or a cry for help, but either way, it got everyone’s attention, including Toyah, who has been plagued by guilt ever since. There was no question that the pageant days were over.’

‘But the marriage ended anyway?’ Kim asked, thinking that was something else the kid had had to deal with.

Mr Shaw nodded. ‘Unfortunately it was too late. Much as I tried, I couldn’t see Andrea the same way afterwards. Every time I looked at her, I pictured Tony lying unconscious on the sofa. I blamed her, which wasn’t fair. I could have done more, and she never stopped trying to make it up to him.’

‘He doesn’t like to talk about it,’ Kim stated, thinking about his earlier reaction.

‘He has anger issues. He’s very quick to react to stressful situations and has enough trouble trying to find work. If this comes out, it’ll ruin his chances even further.’

‘I’m sorry we had to raise it,’ Kim said.

‘It’s not your fault. It can’t be helped. It’s just that the timing of all of this could not be worse for him.’

‘Why so?’ Kim asked.

‘It’s the ten-year anniversary this week.’

SEVENTY-ONE

Judith Palmer’s childhood did not make for pleasant reading, Stacey thought. If she was using her own experience to guide others in her role as ‘supporter’, then goodness only knew what advice she was giving.

Stacey had learned that Judith Palmer had been born in Tipton to an alcoholic mother who was nineteen years old and had already done two stretches at Her Majesty’s pleasure. Judith had spent the first seven months of her life in hospital suffering from alcohol withdrawal.

Her whole childhood had been horrific. She had been removed from school because her mom couldn’t get up to take her. She was placed in and out of care her entire life, but her mom would always get clean and fool the authorities again. Her mom refused to do the decent thing and give up parental responsibility so that Judith would have the chance of adoption. Instead, she would fetch her out of care, and then the whole cycle would start again.

Judith had been sent around to the neighbours to beg for alcohol and had been forced to leave the house when her mom had entertained men for a cheap bottle of whisky. She’d been forced to eat the scraps from other people’s bins when her mom forgot to feed her.

Her whole childhood had been a horrific litany of abuse and neglect at the hands of a woman who cared only for herself.

Stacey sat back and sighed, confused. Given what she’d learned, why the hell had she been able to read about such horrific mistreatment and yet remain unmoved?

Stacey was well aware that her emotions lived very close to the surface. Only the other day, Devon had read her an article about an elderly dog finally finding his forever home and the tears had gathered in her throat.

And yet here she was after a tale of prolonged suffering and heartbreak and she didn’t feel a thing.