Page 125 of Guilty Mothers
‘Oh, I know that. Her death has freed me from those constraints. The moment she took her last breath, I was euphoric. Every last bit of self-loathing, of feeling inferior fell away. I no longer had anything to prove to anyone. It was the best moment of my life.’
At that second, the door behind Kim burst open, startling them both.
Like a flash a figure shot past her.
‘Bobbi, no,’ Kim cried as the young woman ran towards the knife.
EIGHTY-FIVE
‘Don’t do it,’ Carly said, pointing the knife Bobbi’s way.
‘Bobbi, no, stay back,’ Leona breathed. The sound of her daughter’s name appeared to have roused her back to consciousness.
Bobbi stopped running but didn’t take her eyes from her mum.
The tension in the room was now charged. For a moment, Kim had been convinced that no flesh was going to see the end of that knife. Now she wasn’t so sure.
At no point during their exchange had Carly looked like a crazed killer. But now her eyes were darting around. Her movements were fidgety and stilted. Her voice was no longer steady, calm, reasonable. There was a tremor in her voice and, more importantly, in the hand that held the knife.
The door behind her opened again and Bryant entered. His face was flushed, and he was rubbing at his right hand. She could see a small amount of blood and guessed that Bobbi had bit him to escape.
His arrival had done nothing to ease the tension as Carly looked around at them all.
‘Does no one understand that I’ve been doing a good thing?’ Carly asked, gesturing with the knife.
Realising the peril both she and Leona were in, Bobbi remained silent and looked to Kim. Kim shook her head, indicating that Bobbi should continue to keep her mouth shut. One wrong move and Leona was dead.
She had to try and salvage this situation before someone got hurt.
‘You always were the nice girl, weren’t you, Carly?’ Kim asked.
‘I still am,’ Carly said, as though that much was obvious. ‘I’m being a good friend. I’m taking care of my buddies. All I ever wanted was friends, but my mom ruined that for me. She humiliated me so that no one would ever be my friend. But now I’m free and they’re all still suffering. I’m emancipating them, relieving them of the impossible pressure of trying to be good enough for someone who will never be satisfied. They deserve to feel how I feel, to get the opportunity to live their own lives. I’m helping…’
Bobbi gasped, and Kim took the opportunity to interrupt.
‘Carly, they don’t all feel like you,’ Kim said, forcing herself into Carly’s one-way conversation.
‘Of course they do. I remember them all; sometimes they’d cry, or they were quiet, or they weren’t allowed to play, to make friends. They were all the same as me; suffered the way I suffered. They all carry the scars from the monsters who were their mothers.’
‘They weren’t all monsters,’ Kim insisted.
‘Of course they were. Who other than monsters would subject their children to that kind of abuse?’
‘They didn’t all see it that way,’ Kim said. ‘Right, Bobbi?’
Bobbi looked her way, and Kim nodded for her to speak.
‘Carly, I love my mom. I couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to her. Sh-She’s my rock,’ Bobbi said before her voice cracked.
Carly looked genuinely confused. ‘But she…’
‘Of course there were times your friends were unhappy,’ Kim said. ‘Maybe they were bored, fed up, tired, hungry, miserable, spoiled, any number of things, but they weren’t all suffering the things you imagine, the things that you were. I’m not saying they all had the perfect mother–daughter relationship, but does that even exist? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it. Have you?’
For a moment, in order to talk to Carly in a measured, calm manner, Kim had to put the picture of three dead women out of her mind.
‘Carly, I get it. You thought you were helping your friends, and maybe in some cases you were, but that’s not true with Bobbi and Leona.’
The woman’s head lifted, and she whispered her daughter’s name.