Page 83 of Guilty Mothers

Carly smiled back. ‘You obviously know that I was never a contender for the top spot.’

‘Why was that?’ Kim asked.

‘Well, my mom used to say I wasn’t competitive enough, which was true.’

‘What about the others?’ Kim asked.

‘Oh, Katie was a timid little thing, scared to death of her mom, but then again, most people were. Sheryl ridiculed Katie in front of everyone when she got stuff wrong. She tried so hard, but it was never good enough. Sheryl wanted her to come first in every competition, which just wasn’t possible. I remember one time when she froze on stage, completely forgot her routine. Deer in the headlights. Every second felt like an hour. It was awful to watch. Her mom was standing in the aisle, glaring at her and giving her prompts which just made her worse. She started to cry and ran off stage, and the poor thing had wet herself. She was eleven. I had a spare pair of panties. She was sobbing in the toilets, and I pushed them under the door and ran off so she wasn’t embarrassed. It made no difference; as soon as she came out, her mom was screaming at her about losing control of herself like a big baby and threatening her with a nappy. Anyone who hadn’t noticed got to hear about it after the screaming from her mother.’

Kim could feel the humiliation she must have endured. That one episode must have followed Katie to every pageant thereafter.

‘What about Toyah’s mum, Andrea?’ Kim asked.

Carly shrugged. ‘I think Toyah enjoyed it up to a point, and Andrea tried to keep them both happy, which wasn’t?—’

‘Both?’ Kim asked.

‘Oh yeah, her poor brother always tagged along. Not by choice, I’d imagine, cos he was a grumpy little shit. Dad must have been at work or something. Her brother made no secret of the fact he’d rather be anywhere else.’

Kim had met Tony and sympathised. It couldn’t have been much fun being dragged around the pageant circuit with your sister getting all the attention.

‘And then it just stopped. She wasn’t there any more. It was very sudden, and we never saw Andrea and Toyah again.’

Kim wondered if that was when the marriage had broken up and Tony had gone to live with his dad. If her marriage hadn’t been worth fighting for, then the pageants must have been more important to Andrea than people had thought.

She was reminded again that she still didn’t know the real reason Toyah had given up competing.

‘What about Lottie and her mum?’ Kim asked.

‘Now you’re bringing all these memories back, I remember that Lottie’s mom was a clinger. Lottie seemed to enjoy the pageant part of it, but Sally-Ann wouldn’t let the girl out of her sight, not even to go to the bathroom.’

Kim couldn’t help but think about Lottie demanding a boundary break more than ten years later. Maybe Sally-Ann’s habits had continued into adulthood.

‘Can you think of any reason why these three moms, in particular, might have been targeted?’

‘Not at all. I mean, it was years ago. Who holds a grudge for that long?’

‘You’d be surprised,’ Kim said. ‘How about you? Did you and your mum have a good time?’

‘I wasn’t as competitive as my mom. She wanted me to win, and I wanted to be liked. My therapy sessions have taught me that I just wanted to fit in. I wanted a peer group not adversaries. I lacked the ruthlessness to want to be better than everyone else. I am your consummate people pleaser,’ she said, opening her hands.

‘But you stayed in the business?’ Kim said, pointing to the last few boxes.

‘Given what I’ve told you, I’d think you could answer that one for yourself.’

‘Your mum loved all things pageant, and you were still trying to gain her approval?’

‘Bang on, Inspector, and you have no idea how many therapy sessions I paid for to reach that conclusion.’

‘And is that why you went to see Judith Palmer?’

Carly didn’t hide her surprise. ‘Goodness, that was ages back. How did you know about that?’

Kim shrugged, indicating she wasn’t going to answer. ‘Did she help?’

Carly didn’t answer immediately but eventually shook her head. ‘Not really. I think she helped Katie. I saw her in Kidderminster one day. We had a quick coffee, and she told me about the woman, gave me a card. I was curious enough to go once, but Judith only likes to talk about her mom – who appears to be the most evil woman to ever draw breath – and her suggestion didn’t sit well with me.’

‘Which was?’ Kim asked, suspecting she already knew the answer.