Page 77 of See It Through

Not now.

Letting myself have this, exactly what I wanted right now, I gave in to the pull and fell asleep to the steady beat of Remi’s heart.

Chapter Thirty

Hannah

Maybe it was tellingRemi about Graham, or it could’ve been enough time had passed, but a week later, I woke up in Remi’s bed with a burst of energy. He was still fast asleep, and I wanted him to stay that way. His sleep had been so fitful lately he’d developed dark smudges beneath his eyes. There was a lot he needed to work out, and I wondered if he should have been doing it during daylight hours instead of relegating it to his unconscious mind.

But I wasn’t sure it was my place to say that, so I did the best I could to take care of him when we were awake and soothe away his troubles during the night.

Moving carefully, I slipped from our bed and padded down the hall to Graham’s bedroom. His clothes were still on the bed, exactly where Remi had left off in his task.

Shutting the door, I sat on the edge of the bed, closed my eyes, and inhaled deeply, nearly whimpering at how faint Graham’s scent had become. He’d been gone for months now. An entire season. It felt like yesterday and forever at the same time.

The task of cleaning out his room was past due, but I needed to be the one to do it. I hadn’t been ready until this morning. Now that I was in here, looking at the piles that were just things and not at all who Graham was, I couldn’t remember exactly why I’d insisted on keeping all this stuff.

Once I got going, I was a whirlwind, stacking bags filled with old T-shirts, worn-out jeans, sweaters older than me. I set aside a few flannels and tees I wanted for myself. A few belts I thought Remi might want to keep, but the rest was prepped to go. Someone would make good use of it. Sitting here, it was wasted.

I had no idea how long I’d been at it when the door squeaked open, startling me out of my hyperfocus. In my surprise, I let loose the item in my hand. When it connected with Remi’s forehead, I thanked my lucky stars I’d been holding a pair of socks and not the paperweight I’d had minutes before.

“Holy shit!” I exclaimed, my blood racing in my ears. “Give a girl a warning, why don’t you!”

Remi, smooth operator he was, caught the socks as they bounced off his head with a laugh. “I was looking all over for you, calling your name. I would’ve had to be a herd of bison to make more noise.”

Pressing my hand to my thrashing heart, I looked around the room, shocked at all I’d gotten done. “I was in the zone. I didn’t hear you at all. Sorry for throwing things at you again.”

He approached, circling his arm around my waist to haul me into him. I earned a kiss on the cheek, then the corner of my mouth, followed by my lips.

“I thought you left,” he murmured.

“I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.” I laid my hands on his bare chest. It was warm and solid. “You should know by now, when I wake up, I’m really awake. I got the idea in my head to come in here and finish what you started, so that’s what I’ve been doing.”

“I missed having you in my armpit when I woke up.” He looked around his dad’s bedroom, landing on the garbage bags I’d stacked in one corner. “You’re clearing it all out?”

“Yeah. It’s time. I set aside a few things. He wore in his flannels to perfection, so I’m stealing them. There’s nothing softer than a flannel that’s been worn and washed three hundred times, you know?”

“It’s not stealing, sweetheart. They’re yours. He left them to you.”

“Half mine, but I figured you wouldn’t want them. You’re not really a flannel guy.”

“You figured right.”

I separated from him to show him the belts I thought he might want. “These were handmade by a leather artisan in Laramie. They’re heavy duty and in really good shape. And while you’re not a flannel guy, you are a cool leather belt guy.”

He took the belts from me, running the length of one along his palm. It had a basket weave pattern with a wolf embossed on the sides. “I remember him wearing this one when I was a kid. My mom was the one who’d discovered the artisan. She gave this to him for one of his birthdays. Since I can recall it, it must’ve been the last one before she died.” His fingers curled around it. “It’ll be more a part of her than him, but yeah, I’d like to keep it. Thank you for knowing that, Hannah.”

I smiled, soft and sad. “He told me his bride had started his collection.”

Remi’s gaze jerked to me. “His bride? I’d forgotten he’d called her that. I guess that’s because he stopped talking about my mom when she died. Hell, he stopped talking to me at all.”

Tingles ran along my skin from the strange detachment in his voice. But then, he sounded the same way every time he spoke about his father. Even when I’d spilled my history with Graham, he’d been caring and gentle, but like he’d said, it was as though I’d told him a story about someone he’d never met.

He’d been the same when talking about his ex.Seattle. Two years together, and she’d been relegated to the city they’d lived in. Would I become Sugar Brush when he talked about me one day? Another one in his long line of temporary home bases?

Well, there was no sense in fretting about that right now. I couldn’t see the future, and I liked Remi far too much to snatch my heart away now.

I probably more than liked him, but Idefinitelywasn’t going there. Not yet. Not until I knew the ground we were on was steady.