Page 96 of See It Through

When you start your own family, love them through every one of your fears, tragedies, anger, disappointment. Love them no matter what.

That brings me to my final, most important point: see it through, Remi. Whatever you start, you see it through. Do not give up when it gets difficult. Don’t tell yourself walking away would be better for everyone. The easy way out isn’t the right way. No matter what, my boy, see it through.

I’ll leave this life knowing I failed as a father. After your mother died, I quit, but you know that. Getting lost in a bottle was easier than facing the job I had signed up for. And once I was lost, I was too ashamed to come back to you. I dug myself into a deep well of self-pity. Only thing that got me out was you packing up and leaving. Too little, way too late.

If I do one thing right by you, Rem, it’s teaching you from my failing. See it through. That’s all you have to do. You’ll get through darkness as long as you see it through.

I used to tell you the only way out was through, and that’s the truest thing I ever said to you. You see it through, Rem. The other side might just be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever experienced.

I didn’t deserve it, but I got some of that beauty my last few years in my friendship with Hannah. I’m leaving the two of you this house because I think you might be able to find that beauty in each other if only you spend time together. She’s gonna be mad at you, Rem, but you see it through, you’ll come out the other side to the best friend you ever had.

If that happens, I’ll rest easy, knowing you’re taking care of each other.

It’s taken me a few days to write this. My end is coming at me like a freight train. I hope I get to see you one more time, but if you don’t make it, I swear I understand. I want to tell you to your face how proud I am of you. Your mother’s smiling down from Heaven, Rem, I feel it. When I get up there to see her, she’s going to have some words for me, but I’m counting on her being the forgiving woman she always was and taking me into her arms after giving me the what for. Other than seeing you again, that’s what I’m longing for now.

When you read this, I’ll be gone. I’m dreaming of you hanging with Hannah, seeing each other through this wild and beautiful life while your mother and I watch from above. That’s what I’m dreaming of.

Love you to the end, boy.

Your dad,

Graham Town

Wheels turned, channels opened, and the dam holding everything back burst. A sob ripped apart my tightly controlled emotions, letting them rage through me at once. Anger, grief, anguish, fury, loss—they all came together in a ball, rolling through my body, flattening everything else in their wake.

“Remington.”

Her whisper came moments before her arms enveloped my shaking shoulders. Hannah, on her knees beside me, surrounding me in her embrace. I turned my head and buried my face in her neck. Not because I was ashamed of the rivers of tears I helplessly cried. I needed her scent, the feel of her skin and hair. Her weight on me to ground me when everything else was falling apart.

“He wrote me a letter.”

“I know he did.” Her arms tightened around me as her body shuddered from her own tears. “He so wanted to see you one more time.”

“Yeah.”

I’d known that. So why the hell was it hitting me so damn hard now? That letter should have meant nothing to me. Like I’d told myself Graham had meant nothing, but…I couldn’t say that was true.

“I’m so fucking mad at him, Hannah.”

“I know you are, baby.” She moved, straddling my legs so she could get to more of me. Her forehead on mine, she dragged her fingers through my hair and down my neck. “Feel it, Rem. I’m here for you. You can say anything to me.”

I let my head fall back so I could look at her through my tears. She gave me a sad, watery smile and used her thumbs to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

“He should’ve gotten better for me.”

She nodded. “He should have.”

“Why didn’t he? Why the hell wasn’t I enough of a reason for him to try?”