Page 35 of Loving Her
I can’t help but panic. What if he gets his memory back and decides he made a mistake with me? I thought I was so sure of what the two of us had, but just the thought of him going back to his old life—the one he had before me and Tinny—is terrifying. It would destroy both of us if Breaker walked away at this point. Tinny adores him. As day after day passes, I can’t seem to stop the fear building inside me.
“Honey,” he murmurs.
I know he hates when I say that, but it’s true just the same. Breaker is always taking up for Jeff—not that he tells me why. When I question him further, he just says it’s not his story to tell.
It’s annoying. I let out a breath and just keep looking out the window. “You should have let me drive myself today,” I complain.
“You’re coming into town to get feed. You need a man to load it up for you.”
“It might not be safe.”
“Bullshit. Bryson City is not a large town, honey. They’ve already seen me around with Cooper and Jeff. They had to realize where I was staying. Besides, from what Devil said, my club has already taken care of the Feral Kings. Carson has pretty much said the same thing to Cooper. There’s no point in me hiding out any longer.”
“Except you have people around here searching for you.”
He looks at me as he pulls into the feed store. “Does that really matter that much? Hell, Doc, we’ll be heading to Kentucky soon. If they find me before then, they find me. I’m not worried and you sure as hell shouldn’t be either.”
I don’t mean to, but my mouth opens, and I blurt out the questions that have me worried the most. “Have you even thought about what happens when you meet with them? What if they want you back in Kentucky? What if you remember everything and decide that Tinny and I don’t fit into your old life?”
“Are you really worried about that, Doc?”
“Of course I am! I’d be insane not to be, Breaker.”
He stares at me like I’m insane, shaking his head. “What’s it going to take for you to have trust in me, honey?”
“I trust you,” I mutter, not meeting his eyes.
“No, you don’t.”
“I do!” I argue, forcing myself to look into his eyes. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t bring you into my daughter’s life. Hell, you wouldn’t be in my bed. I’d been celibate since Tinny’s father.”
He pulls off to the side of the road, shoving it into park, and stares at me. We’re in my transport van that I bought for the clinic. I’d rather be in my truck, but I had quite a few supplies I needed to pick up today. Breaker took the keys after he informed me he was taking me into town. It annoyed me, but I let it go. I’m just used to making all my own decisions.
“You trust me, just not enough. How in the hell do you think I would break your or Tinny’s heart after you gave it to me to keep safe?”
“I didn’t?—”
“I wouldn’t finish what you’re about to say if I were you, Doc,” he growls, startling me to the point I snap my mouth shut. He gets out of the van, not saying a word. He comes around to my side and opens the door. Breaker then reaches in, unbucklingmy seatbelt and all but hauling me out of the vehicle before pinning me up against the side of the van. “Do you fucking think I would share your bed if there was even one part of me that said I was going to cast you aside if my memory comes back?”
“You don’t know how you’ll feel when you get your memories back, Breaker.”
“Bullshit. I know exactly how I’m going to feel. I’m all in, Doc. I may not remember my past, but I know the man I am—memories or not. I am not the kind of man who would spend his time falling in love with a woman and her daughter if I weren’t planning on staying with them until they put me in the ground. The only one questioning any damn thing around here is you. Now, I’m going to ask you one time, and I’m warning you, think very carefully before answering. Do you want me in your life?”
I look up at him and I know he can see the surprise and pure terror on my face. “Of course, I do. I’m just scared, Breaker.”
“Honey, trust me. I get that. You can’t keep punishing me for what your asshole ex did to you, though.”
“You don’t even know what kind of life I had with my ex,” I mutter.
“You’ll tell me when you want me to know. I still know the dickwad had to be a fucking fool to let you and your little girl slip through his fingers. I also know that you would walk through fire to give that little girl a complete family. That means you would have stayed with him if he put forth any effort at all.”
“Breaker, the way you talk makes it all seem so simple. There’s just one thing you keep forgetting.”
“What’s that?”
“There’s a whole life waiting for you back in Kentucky. It’s one that Tinny and I have no part of. What happens when we face that? There’s a family back there wanting their son or brother back. What about your club? I’m sure you had a job,and brothers in the club that meant a lot to you. Once those memories come back, where does that leave me and Tinny?”
“Doc, I didn’t say I had all the answers. All I truly know for sure is that wherever I go, it will be with you and Tinny at my side. If I get my memories back and I want you to try living in Kentucky, would you?”