Page 17 of Whiskey & Honey
“Dad, I’m pretty sure it’s not sneaking anymore. You’ve been coming down here at this time my entire life.”
“It didn’t used to be sneaking, but now it really is. Your mother is on some sort of kick about my diet and is driving me nuts. I’ve been hiding these small containers of ice cream in frozen broccoli bags. You know your mother would never look in a bag of broccoli.”
That’s true. Mom has some random fear of broccoli. I’ve never understood it but she calls them creepy little trees and refuses to cook them.
“Well played, Pop.”
“Where were you tonight? Out with the guys again?”
“Nah, I’m going to check out my classroom tomorrow so no late night for me.”
Dad finishes his last bite of ice cream and starts to stand. I stop midway with the bite of ice cream on my spoon with a look of confusion as I watch him sit back down.
“How are you doing about all of this change? I know you’re a bit, uh, how should I put this?”
I set the spoon down and sit back in my chair, crossing my arms defensively.
“Oh, Ben, don’t go getting all shut off from me. I just want to make sure all this change is okay. I know you like to live life with a plan and this all came on sudden.”
Wow, getting called out by your dad at twenty-nine is as shitty as it is at seventeen. I put my arms down and release the tension in my shoulders. I don’t know why my instinct was to become defensive. I know my dad means well and he’s right, I prefer a life plan and not having one is a little out of character for me.
“Come on, I’m not that bad. Yeah this is a lot of change but you know that I have always wanted to come home and teach. I loved, no, I love Laurel, but we aren’t forever. I think we’ve both known that for a while and just needed this change to push us both along. I’m happy to be home, happy to be teaching at Peabody, and I really am happy at the prospect of finding my own place,” I tease as I take a spoonful of my ice cream and pop it in my mouth.
“Well, son, I will say that at this point in our lives your mother and I didn’t plan on having either you or your sister home, let alone both. So, ya know, if you need help finding a place let me know.”
“I don’t think I want to even have this conversation if it’s going where I think it is. So, maybe we just say goodnight?” I ask as I grab his bowl and mine and head to the sink. The idea of where my dad was going with that statement has suddenly made this delicious ice cream turn to acid in my stomach.
Dad approaches me and places a hand on my shoulder, “You’re a man, Ben, and I don’t think we need to have this conversation. Goodnight, son.”
Damn, I need to get settled in this job and start actively looking for a place. I shudder at what I may walk into one afternoon. Visibly shiver. Let Ash walk in on that shit. A smirk takes over my face as I contemplate if that’s a possibility. Setting it up so Ash does walk in on that. Oh dang, she’d shit herself.
I finish cleaning up the kitchen and hit the light as I begin up the stairs to my room. I stop for a minute at the pictures displayed on the walk up the stairway. Moments of time that my mom has deemed “the” moments of our lives. These aren’t silly posed school photos; no, these are moments from our lives displayed for everyone to see.
The first I stop and look at is a picture of Ashton’s first birthday. She’s pretty in pink with her ruffled skirt, sparkly crown, and cowgirl boots on sitting before a big cake. The look in her eyes is the same one she has every time she’s thinking up a prank, mischievous and innocent at the same time. I am, of course, nearby in the photo. I have the most annoyed look on my face and you can just see my hand sneaking up from the side to steal a piece of her cake.
The closer I get to the top, the older we get in the photos. The last few stop me in my tracks as I realize I’m not in them. These are pictures of Ash, Piper, and even Jameson. The last few years I’ve been gone, they’ve been here and together. Life moved on without me. What Piper said at her place is true. I’m going with them to the lake next week. I’m the outsider in this group.
As I come to this realization I focus on the last photo. It’s a picture of the girls in a selfie. I can tell that it’s pretty recent and from the background can tell it’s at the lake. The smile on Piper’s face is sweet and real. Those whiskey-colored eyes of hers are sparkling. She looks truly happy and invigorating. My eyes fall to Ashton in the picture. Equally as happy, my big brother heart is full of love for my sister. I will never intentionally do anything to hurt her.
I finish my trek to my bedroom and once inside I kick off my boots, which are immediately followed by my belt and my shirt. I lay down on my bed and vow to stay friends with Piper and not pursue anything. As I make this vow, I begin repeating my new personal mantra, “friends and co-workers,” and know every single time I say it, I mean it.
Mostly.
I’m ninety-seven percent sure I won’t pursue anything. Someone may want to talk to that three percent.