Page 67 of Whiskey & Honey
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I was not seeing the future. I had some dreams, I’m not clairvoyant or anything.”
“Well, whatever it was, I think it’s lovely. And it’s so sad.”
“How is it lovely and sad? That doesn’t make sense, Mama.” I grab her plate in frustration. This is just like her. I pour my heart out and she confirms what I know. I’m in love with Ben and then throws in something negative.
“Sweetie, it’s sad because obviously you can’t see him anymore.”
“What? Why? You just said it was lovely!”
“It is. But, honey, this can’t work. Not just because he’s Ashton’s brother. Men like Bentley Sullivan don’t end up with women like us. No, it’s best if you just break it off now and go back to Tony. He’ll be a good provider and he has to have learned the error of his ways. He knows you’re the best he’ll ever get, Piper. Someone like Bentley? He’ll leave, Piper. He’s too big for this town; he left once before and he’ll leave again.”
“That’s not fair, Mama. Not fair to me and especially not fair to Ben.”
“Piper, this is real life. I’ve done you a disservice with those stories of princesses and white knights.” Her frustration with me is infuriating.
“Mama, your stories weren’t a disservice. All little girls want to believe in true love and happily ever after. I believe Ben cares about me and I also believe he’s honest. If he says he’s staying in Lexington, then that’s what I believe.”
My pulse is racing. I’m equal parts angry and hurt. I’m angry because she’s my mother and should be telling me I’m lucky to have someone like Ben in my life and I’m hurt because her words hit too close home. Deep down I worry that everything she’s saying is true.
“Look, baby. I get why you want to believe this could work but I’ll tell you this, Bentley Sullivan reminds me a lot of your daddy. He left and Ben will leave too. Listen to your Mama and end it now.
I don’t have time to continue this conversation, nor do I want to.
“I have to go to work. Will you be here when I get home later?”
“No, Mike should be picking me before you get home. I’ll let myself out. Have a good day, sweetie. I love you.”
I don’t respond and instead gather my things and walk out the door. Driving to the school in a daze, I replay my mom’s words in my head. Regardless of her opinions on the matter, I would never go back to Tony. That ship has sailed and I’ve made my peace with it. Likewise, I believe Ben when he tells me he’s home for good and wants to be with me. He’s shown me in more ways than one that he’s all in. That he wants more than friendship with me and I just need to say the word.
Regardless of the rational thinking, pieces of her opinion stick in the back of my mind. I believe in my heart of hearts that my mom believes what she is telling me is for my own good. That, somehow, she is protecting me from hurt.
Thankfully my students were all cooperative and happy this morning. Five-year-olds are unpredictable and there are times I swear they add ten years to my life.
I left my apartment shortly after my mother’s version of a pep talk and forgot my lunch. I have about thirty minutes to leave campus for lunch. While I hate being rushed, I hate being hungry more. The closest place to campus to grab something other than fast food is a bakery and deli. I call ahead and place my order so that when I arrive I can quickly pay and get back to the school before my thirty minutes are up.
As I park in front I glance to my right and think I see Ben’s truck. I should have asked him if he wanted anything. It’s silly that we’re both here. This is a prime example of why I don’t want to label us outside of friendship. My lapse in thinking of him for lunch would make me a bad girlfriend, but since there is no label, I’m just a crappy friend for the moment.
Once I’m in the door I am immediately greeted with the aroma of freshly baked bread and my stomach jumps to attention. Thankfully it’s loud in here and nobody else is privy to the serenade of hunger happening from within me. It only takes three steps before the room spins, the voices turn to a dull hum, and my world flips.
Ben.
And Laurel.
I quickly take a mental tally of our conversation last night and our morning. Nope, no mention of Laurel. We definitely didn’t talk about him meeting Laurel or the fact he’d be holding hands with her across the table.
As much as it pains me to admit it, my mother was right. This was never going to work. I’ve put him off too long. He wanted to take things beyond friendship months ago and I said no. I pushed him away and he’s finally had enough.
My chest is tight, my breath is shallow, and I hear a ringing in my ears. I swear on my favorite book if I faint in this deli with Bentley Sullivan sitting nearby holding another woman’s hand I’ll never be able to handle the smell of freshly baked bread again. It will forever remind me of this moment and how every part of my being is screaming to run.
And I do. I don’t pick up my lunch and I don’t confront him. Instead, I turn on my heel and walk out the door I just entered. Somehow I make it to my car and pull out of my parking space before the first tear falls. The first of many. There can’t possibly be enough tears in my body to convey the level of devastation I feel.
When will I ever just be enough? When will a man look at me and think, “That’s the girl for me. She is everything I need.”? I am beginning to wonder if that man exists. I knew over these last few weeks that I had fallen in love with Ben. I also felt deep down it was too soon and that telling him would make me vulnerable
I pull into the school parking lot and manage to pull myself together enough to finish the school day. The afternoon is a haze and the kids love me more than ever because they spent the afternoon doing an impromptu art project that didn’t require me to have it together. I convinced myself I wasn’t a bad teacher because we are going into a school break and its fun for the kids to have down time.
I’m gathering my things with the intent to get home before Ben stops by my classroom like he does every day. As I pull my purse on my shoulder I notice Jacob Thorne is still in his seat. I put my things down and walk over to him.
“Jacob, sweetie, what are you doing?”